Guys, Why would a 30-something guy be serious about a 50-something gal?

[DishLady]

30-something guys are very into me -- and not just me, specifically, but in general women who could be their mothers.

At first I thought it was "puppy love" (like crushing on your teacher or babysitter) or perhaps some kind of "mom issues" (I won't get into that), but one guy (34-35) was apparently REALLY SERIOUS about trying to BE with me... and I didn't get it. I actually spent the past two years inviting him to networking events to connect him with nice eligible young women his age and didn't understand he had something else on his mind. We... stopped talking completely except for the seasonal "Happy Bday" or "Happy Christmas" etc. I feel awful bc I considered him a good friend and wasn't tuned into the vibe he was putting out there. Looking back, everyone would ask how long we've been together and he'd smile like a bog goofy kid. I'd joke that he's my body guard and actually single then talk him up to so many people (for jobs, for dating, you name it... bc he's a truly amazing person).

I'd just like to understand... You guys in your 30s could have any nice gal your age, and a future with her... kids... family... etc. When a v young guy thinks of starting something with me, I presume they're just looking for some kind of fling bc there's no potential for kids and future... and I'm not the "YOLO fling" sort of gal. Everyone KNOWS that. So what's the value to them... and why should I bother with an emotional investment? It doesn't make sense.

[OlderAndWiser]

What I will say constitutes generalizations that do not apply to every young woman or every older woman, but they apply quite often.

1. Not every man in his 30s wants a wife who can produce children.

2. Women in their 20s are still playing games, trying to make guys jump through hoops, thinking that they are the big prize for whom men should grovel. Dating is much more about the same of chase.

3. Women in their 50s don't play games. They know what they want. They will say what they want very openly and directly; no guesses required. Older women have confidence without arrogance. Dating is about finding a partner.

4. Women in their 50s can be quite sexy, alluring, and desirable.

5. When I was younger, I dated a few older women and the sex was better than with younger women. Older women were less inhibited and were more open in telling me what they wanted. They didn't want sex seven times in one night like some younger women, but the quality compensated for the quantity or frequency.

When you look at a guy 15 years older than you, don't you sometimes see a guy who you think could be a great partner?

[DishLady]

I don't know about #2 and 3. I’ve never played games with guys no matter what age I was, but women who like to play games will play games no matter what age they are.

(Guys too…)

And not every woman is confident just bc they’re older. 40+ women can be VERY insecure.

(Seven times in one night, eh OW? 😂😂😂)

[OlderAndWiser]

No doubt, you are not like most women!

[DishLady]

Lol. Thanks, OW. Honestly, I just try to be a good, fair person.

[OlderAndWiser]

No one is an inherently good person. We all have the potential for good and bad. What separates good people from bad people is that good people try to be good every day; they don't always succeed, but they keep trying. As long as you just keep trying, you are as good as anyone else on the planet.

[DishLady]

Yeah, but that doesn't help me stave off the young guys who chase or attract the guys my age...

[Summeroflove]

Sometimes people do have a weird thing such as I think women who are specially into older men are off putting to say the least.

But some people can genuinely fall for someone with a age difference. So it depends on the intentions behind it when it’s just a fetish. Move on…. but there is genuine interest and investment.

Maybe some people just genuinely see something in you they feel attracted to.

[DishLady]

How would I be able to tell if it's just a fetish or if he's being serious?

[Summeroflove]

Over time it takes time like anything. Some people are better at masking then others. But if they get with you and vanish…. That’s a bad sign

[Spencer10]

There are all kinds of reasons. Everyone is an individual. One thing about mature women is they seem more confident and yes life makes them often more interesting. Lastly experience and confidence often lead to mind blowing sex. Some guys may not want kids so that age issue is not a factor.

[DishLady]

Hmm. I think this one (only son of a good family, future head of the family) will ultimately want someone to make babies with.

[Spencer10]

Well that could totally be a show stopper. Still what stops a mature woman from enjoying a younger guys company while she searches for a more long term relationship?

[DishLady]

I've never been the sort to crave a relationship or to cling to Mr Right Now while keeping an eye out for the next guy. I'm either with the guy or I'm not. He's either with me or he's not. Simple. Uncomplicated.

[Spencer10]

That is simple. FWBs can be a challenge anyway. But handled properly they can also be a lot of fun. Still not for everyone.

[Spencer10]

But I do know of several more mature women who choose this path.

[DishLady]

For me "fun" is with someone I can invest my time in. As an older woman I don't want to invest time and energy in anyone who is just looking for the next thing/person. I have value, and if I'm into the guy, so does he.

[Spencer10]

Well I think the guy would be considered lucky in this regard. But I do stand by my position not to rule guys out just based on their age.

[DishLady]

Hmm. I’ll take it under advisement.

[DishLady]

Keep in mind that I was actively told by a guy that any guy is just messing around with a woman my age, that they want the baby-maker. (The guy who said it was v hurtful and trying to justify his own lustful chase of 25yo gals while he’s in his late 50s.)

[exitseven]

It is weird. When I was in my 20s I was attracted to a woman that worked for one of my customers. It is not like she was really hot and she certainly was not motherly but there was some intangible thing that made me attracted to her.

[Staximus]

Well if you rule out psychological reasons or fetishes, maybe they found something about you that most women their age don't have. Or they don't want a woman their age pressuring them into marriage and children. Or they just think you're hotter than a bucket of red rivets.

[Bricealan]

@DishLady Depends on the woman. At one job in my 30's I had a woman friend who was in her late 50's and we had a great relationship. It does happen.

[DishLady]

A professional one, I presume.

[Bricealan]

@DishLady Not just a professional one, as she indicated that she would have sex with me if I wanted.

[DishLady]

Dear lord… smh.

[Bricealan]

@DishLady I don't know from your answer if you found that 'unacceptable', or what?

[Bricealan]

@DishLady After reading your entire post, I don't think she had anything long term in mind. She had been divorced for a long time and apparently had not had sex in a long time. I knew it was not a long term relationship, and she seemed to accept it as that. I think it could only end up with someone hurt, and that is not good.

[spartan55]

He wanted the DishLady lifestyle. The age difference is too much for me. He sounds like a weirdo, which is on brand for your crew. 😂

[DishLady]

Gonna play “gong show” on that helmet of yours, buddy.

[worldscolide]

For the same reasons an younger women would be into an older man. Experience, maturity, and actually knowing what you want.

[DishLady]

Meh… if a guy shows a young gal enough (non-creepy) “protective” attention she at least feels connected to him. It’s different in my opinion when the gal is the older one by ~20 years.

[Anonymous]

Older women are generally less liberal, more experienced at life and many guys can see that having kids isn't worth it anymore

[DishLady]

(Older women usually have kids already...)

Less liberal? How so? If they're willing to allow a 20-year gap, aren't they liberal?

[Opinion Owner]

Politically speaking

[DishLady]

Meh. My friends who DO have relationships with kids the age of their own kids... are all pretty liberal.

[Opinion Owner]

Must continental differences

[FunkyMonkee]

Love doesn't care about age.

[DishLady]

lol.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Does she have a hot bod?

[DishLady]

Yeah, very fit and trim, very BDEnergy. Strong silent type who looks like he's gonna kill someone but then I'll walk in or one of our close friends will walk in and he'll smile the brightest, sweetest smile.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Sorry. Didn't know you were talking about your potential boyfriend.

[DishLady]

I'm not. I won't date a guy that young.

[DishLady]

(And also not "dtf" a guy that young.)

[MasterKS]

May be no option for the poor dude.

[DishLady]

WDYM? This guy? No, he's v nice looking. I was always able to match him VERY easily with nice girls, but he NEVER asked for their numbers or followed up or anything. He'd politely humor me by talking to them for a while, then come sit/stand with me and say "Ok, done" as if he was just checking a task off my to do list for him.

[MasterKS]

@DishLady some men get better connection with mature ladies.

[DishLady]

True, but I don't want to be emotionally attached (or invest emotional time and energy) in a guy who is too young for me and should be building a life with a young person his age. I feel like the guy is just messing around.

[MasterKS]

@DishLady Thats good, building emotional connection makes no sense in this case.

[CubaPirate]

Security and lack of bagagge