Is a father a bad guy for screwing around (please read further) ?

Question

A guy becomes a father. He spends his weekends going bars, drinking, fucking women. He shows up for his kids tho and provides financially and emotionally. Is he a bad father?

BCRanger10 · Accepted Answer

I think he is. I suppose that this is better than if he doesn’t show up at all, but he’s not off the hook.

There are two things I have in mind when I read this. The first is that such a man might say “I take care of my kids!” To which I say, paraphrasing Chris Rock, “That’s what you’re supposed to do! What, you want a cookie?”

The other is a quote I saw posted at my uncle’s house. “Sooner or later, your son will follow your example and not your advice.” Or something to that effect. A third, which is different but not unrelated, is “Not ever successful man is a good father, but every good father is a successful man.”

Fathers have a very strong and important role in how a child is formed and educated. I realize that this might not apply in all cases but if you look at the numbers, if only mom attends religious services, her children are much less likely to continue practicing themselves (I think it’s as low as 2%, from what I’ve seen). If, however, dad goes and mom doesn’t, it’s the exact opposite. If both parents attend and dad is actively spiritually engaged and leading the family, the difference between this and dad going and mom not going is negligible, almost non-existent.

The point I’m trying to make there is to emphasize just how much of an influence a father has on how his children see the world and on their moral development. They will notice how he treats other people (women in particular, and MOST ESPECIALLY their mother) and whether he is a virtuous man. He is whom they’re looking to in order to find out, in the case of sons, what kind of man they should become and, in the case of daughters, what kind of man they should pursue in marriage.

So bottom line, no, I don’t think that he’s a particularly good guy if he’s grown man and still acting like a college freshman.

Hardon-Collider · Accepted Answer

Is a lady spider bad for eating her own husband after he exhausted all of her energy impregnating her?

See, there are causes to this behavior. It would be abnormal for spiders to stop being this way. Similarly it would be abnormal for you to suddenly be radically different from what your past has made you. Although that implies necessity to choose to be different now so that you improve your future.

This just to put the judgements aside. Now without shaming.

It is suboptimal. Children need a mom figure and a dad figure to develop timely. Rarely a single parent can provide both simultaneously. And I'm not saying that a toxic relationship is better.

Then kids learn from you what sex is about. Just a means to extinguish tingling energies in your body, the buildup of fluids that need to be dumped away? Or an expression of devotion and care for a special someone? ㅤ

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Yes. He should be with the childs mother. If she doesn’t want him, or if she’s abusive/cheated, he still should set a good example for his child and get his life together.

HawkPerception · Answer

I personally think hitting the bar as a father is fine. Everyone has their own outlet. And having a few drinks with a buddy or on your own is a good way to de-stress.

As for fucking many women, I'm against that. I'm against male promiscuity as much as I'm female promiscuity. It sets a terrible example for the kids. Kids tend to do better when they see a healthy example of a relationship in their life.

Is the father a bad guy for fucking many women though? Not necessarily. I would just say he's not the best father and I disagree with his way of life.

RavVid · Answer

When you become a parent it should be both the father and mother's objective to provide a good emotional environment environment for the child. That is paramount.

I am assuming that the father & mother have formed a household. If they have and both or one are fucking around It is unlikely to be a happy household and that breaches point 1. Just wrong.

In the case of single or divorced mothers & fathers, predominantly the children are with the mother and that is the difference.

If the father has them every second weekend than he could pick up a new girl every night and it wouldn't impact the children.

if the mother has a revolving door going than it will impact the children. If it was on her weekend than no problem. I have seen children be affected badly by this.

ManOnFire · Answer

Well, if he's divorced or broke up with his common law partner then he's free to do whatever he wants, and he still manages to support his kids in important ways. So I don't think he's a bad guy at all. Bad lifestyle? Maybe, but at least getting into shit at the bar is still 'normal' I guess you could say, as opposed to being married and going to hookers or being some pedo creep.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

Hmmmm... Reductionism  ALERT  lol There's no relevance or credibility in your example for me without more information on what this hypothetical character thinks and how kids are reacting to their parent. On top of that, such description attracts simplistic judgements and feed this already popular idea that people are lists of objective descriptors. This is bad psychology, Jo, try again 😝

AMS700CX4u2 · Answer

He is demonstrating to his kids what he thinks is normal behavior for this sex. His children will have trouble connecting with members of the opposite sex. The disconnect will continue with his Grandchildren or they will seek professional help.

Children live what they learn. Question " We talking about a Narcissist Father? Is mom's sexual activity Revenge Shagging.

loveslongnails · Answer

People love to take the moral high ground. If you show up for your kids and provide everything they need, the moralists will still say "so what are you going to teach them about morality?" I understand where that comes from, but there are certainly ways to make it work.

Still-alive · Answer

This is how you can tell all this is at the end of the day is bashing women for being promiscuous. you'd think if you are very responsible with your kids and other adult responsibilities that would be enough for people but nope. if you sleep around and drink sometimes despite being a very responsible adult they will still judge you.

so to that i say fuck them and you just be you.

Purpleronnie · Answer

Absolutely not , although in answering that way clearly I’ve had to make some positive assumptions in his defense , I could easily have gone the other way  But then I’m a bloke , why would I 😊

AviatorTom · Answer

He is not the best father, setting a bad example for his kids. Since he spends time with his kids, and takes care of them, he is not the worst father.

Summeroflove · Answer

Well yes he’s still bad because he’s cheating on their mother. Great he’s paying the bills…. Great he’s there.  But shows low integrity.

stratford · Answer

Sex has nothing to do with being a good Dad. You can be hypersexual and like a lot of sex and still be a really good parent.

AngryCarl2 · Answer

It's not terrible if he's single but it's not great either. If he was out there looking for a woman to be a partner and a mother to the kids it would be better.

slatyb · Answer

No, he's a good father. What he does when he's away from the children doesn't affect them.

Grond21 · Answer

I try to judge the actions more than the person. Fucking around is bad, period. No matter who does it

Snowman84 · Answer

I want more involvement in my kids lives than just providing money.

Anonymous · Answer

Society judges women harder then men But in theory you are correct But I think what you're saying is a women with kids is likely to end up alone while caring for the children is probably true. Unfair.

WonderingManII · Answer

I think so... Because the kids will know what He is doing.

WhatIsYourZodiac · Answer

He is not a good Father i feel.. he should be more around with family and taking care of the needs of family in every way possible to the best of his abilities

Vegasrunner · Answer

Not even sure how one correlates with the other.

DextroShade · Answer

No, he sounds like a good father. It's the mother's fault for having the kid out of wedlock.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

That doesn't make that woman a bad mother all it makes her is promiscuous

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

No, but hopefully he'll find a partner to mother his kids.

bananathunder · Answer

I say it's acceptable for both as long as the kid is being took care of in my opinion

Anonymous · Answer

Well, if he is neglecting his family, he is obviously not a good father.

Mcluven101 · Answer

If he is not cheating then it's fine. A man has needs

Sal_Monella · Answer

He is a bad man.

MasterKS · Answer

Its his life he must enjoy it as he wants.

Daytoday79 · Answer

Sounds like Don Draper.

NathanDavis · Answer

Yes.

Anonymous · Answer

Stop talking about me

zombiewoof · Answer

Nope

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