Is my boyfriends friend being malicious or just not intentional?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriends friend is both friends with my boyfriend and my boyfriends ex girlfriend, he kept telling my boyfriend how he wants to meet me, and can't wait, the moment he did he greeted me decently, made me feel welcome, but then it started feeling like an interrogation, immediately after that he decided to invite me to his birthday party, to which my boyfriend got upset and told him he already told him that neither of us are attending cause the ex would be there and it didn't end so well with them, he kept insisting, when I said maybe he immediately said he doesn't care anyway with who shows up, and then went on to speak in riddles to my boyfriend on how he's going to go to his ex as soon as he left from us, he also made a comment of if I'm tired of my boyfriend then I can send him over to him, bare in mind he is into men as well, and then went on to post my gay friend as a comment on one of my posts with me and my boyfriend after Facebook stalking me, a few days back at my boyfriends game night, he made a comment on how he wishes it was like the old game nights with my boyfriends ex still around, and when my boyfriend said yeah no pity she sucked at the game, he got mad and walked out of the room, but then for Christmas he gives my boyfriend a matching necklace charm to give to me, asks when I'm coming over again to hang out, cause they live together with several friends. My boyfriend says he doesn't know what to make out of him, but there is definitely something up, cause the person he wanted me to meet and the person I met are two worlds apart, so thoughts please? Do I give him the benefit of the doubt, or do I keep my distance?

Updates

4 mo

Yeah his friend did something again and he made an excuse for him, and I said if he puts his friend over my comfort one more time then he is going to have to choose between the two of us, he said if I threaten him again and make him choose then I should leave. He made his choice.

[HollyK21]

I remember speaking with you when you last mentioned how his friend makes those inappropriate comments. I believe at the time the justification for this was basically that your boyfriend is used to how he acts and therefore saw no issue. Not sure how much his mind has changed since then but m I’m guessing since then it’s been reoccurring issues, to which I’d say keep your distance.


You may even want to reconsider having this guy as a boyfriend. He just doesn’t really seem to have your back when it comes to someone that he knows makes you uncomfortable. At the same time, defending you could also put him in a position of having to “choose”, as that may be the only way to keep the peace. He lives with this guy, they’ve already been friends before you and it just doesn’t really work in your favor. It’s a sucky choice but you’ve got to protect your peace, first and foremost.

[HollyK21]

You should really stop giving ultimatums, because he’s going to pick the person not giving on — which is his friend. You already know how he feels about that friendship, it’s not going anywhere. I know it’s hard to walk away but fuck sake girl, you can only complain so much. He does not care about all these feelings you have and if he did it would’ve been corrected the very first time. So either learn to zip it or just have the self respect to walk away.

[HollyK21]

**not giving one

[Asker]

Really appreciated

[HollyK21]

No problem, but what do you think you’ll do? From your update it sounds like he’s telling you where he stands, I’m sure it’s hurtful. Maybe that’s your cue to go.

[Asker]

I truthfully don't want to throw the relationship away, but I'm going to feel like I'm forcing him to be with me when he clearly told me to go, I'm going to have one last conversation with him tomorrow about all of this and then I'll know whether I should walk away or not, cause I can't be second in my relationship anymore.

[HollyK21]

In all honesty hun if the conversation regards him stepping away from that friend or even changing their dynamic, you’ve got to understand that that’s just where he stands. I get it, you don’t want to throw away a relationship, but you can’t be the only one fighting for it and you can’t subtly twist his arm into trying to preserve it. Someone who really loves you won’t pick his friends over you and would be mindful of your discomforts, which is something I never experienced from a guy until my fiancé. Once you have a man who respects you whole heartedly you’d never accept less again. So do whatever you think is best, no judgement from me, just really consider what you’re trying to fight for and if you’ll actually ever get it.

[Asker]

Will do💜 thanks for the advice

[WhitneySnow]

Keep your distance

[WhitneySnow]

Also I hate the word intentional. It literally just means you’re doing it in on purpose. Anything you do that’s not an accident is intentional.

[Asker]

True

[spartan55]

Fuck that guy. I would question your boyfriend's judgement having a friend like that. So your boyfriend just let's him disrespect you like that. There would have been a big mess at game night if my 'friend' said that. Doesn't matter if you were there or not.

[RavVid]

The friend is weird. Your boyfriend is weird for tolerating it.