I think my male friend is attracted to me yet scared or hesitant?

[Anonymous]

So my guy friend who I have been friends with for years is seriously killing me, there’s this tension between us and moments where I feel like we both want each other physically yet he’s so distant. We kissed a while back while we were both drunk and since then it’s just been weird. He’s so aware of our bodies like he moves when I reach over to get something as if he thinks I’m going to touch him, yet he’ll casually touch my leg to grab something over me. I just feel like he’s overcompensating for something.

He once told me we couldn’t be anything because he values our friendship but I just know there’s some kind of attraction between us. It’s so frustrating because I like him and I think he knows that. The problem is that he’s the type to not commit to anyone period. He just hooks up with girls casually without giving it a second thought. What’s the reason for him not hooking up with me despite him checking me out and invading my personal space all the time? It’s not like I really want to get involved with him in that way since I know if it did happen, he would become very distant and we would end up not being friends anymore which I don’t want. This might sound crazy but my intuition is telling me that we’re gonna end up being together, maybe just for a while or more down the line when we are older. When we are together, it’s like we’re the same person, always laughing having a good time no matter what. The thing is that even though we’re such good friends, he’s still distant sometimes which hurts my feelings. I don’t know I guess I just want some opinions on my situation.

[Hungfox69]

If i didn't know better. I would think that you were talking about me because this is exactly the same type of thing that me and my best friend kat have dealt with. Uh, I guess not so much lately, but a good portion of our relationship. It was just like this. Every time we hung out, there was just this spark that you can feel between the two of us. I love her with all my heart. She is the most amazing giving caring person in the entire world
She stole my heart with a sandwich. Let's just say that she's more willing and solid than anybody else I've ever met in my entire life with that being said shortly after we first met, we did hook up. But ever since then, im afraid to loose her completely, I haven't been able to pull the trigger because I'm afraid that if I take it too far it's going to come crashing down. then I'm gonna lose her for good. And I'd rather have her as a friend than not have her at all, which is not good. Because that just hurt me in the long run. I should go after what I want instead of being worried about losing her. Because in reality, it probably pushed her away. Because of that. My advice go after it. Don't question the situation just male the move. hopefully this helps you, I hope it does. If not, I wish you all the best. And if this is, you cat call me.

[Anonymous]

When he says he values the friendship too much to ruin it, he’s actually telling the truth but not for the reason you think. To him, friends are safe and permanent, while hookups are disposable. By not sleeping with you, he is keeping you in the safe zone where he doesn't have to lose you or deal with the messy emotions that come after he inevitably pulls away.

Your gut feeling that you’ll end up together down the line is common when there is a deep soul connection, but his current emotional distance is a defense mechanism. He pulls away when things feel too intimate because intimacy feels like a trap to people who fear commitment.

He’s overcompensating because he knows that if he lets his guard down for one second, that tension will take over, and he’s not ready to handle the consequences of losing you.

Good luck.

[Asker]

So he pulls away from my touch because he’s afraid lol? It kinda hurts my feelings when he does that. Is there any way to go about it.

[Opinion Owner]

If he is pulling away, the worst thing you can do is chase or try to force more closeness to fix the hurt.

When he moves away, let him. Don't reach out for more contact. Instead, focus on your own hobbies, other friends, and individual interests.

By giving him the space he is clearly craving, you remove the pressure he feels. This often makes an avoidant person feel safe enough to slowly bounce back to you on their own terms.

[Asker]

Yea I see that. My issue is that I don’t know how long I can keep being his friend, knowing he’s hooking up with other people AND pretending like I don’t want us to be together. I don’t know. He’s always making jokes about me getting a boyfriend yet when I do talk about guys, he gets all weird again.

[In_Trance]

So what's your question

[Asker]

Why he’s acting like that 🤨

[In_Trance]

You'd have to have ask him why.