Why would a guy pull away just because I asked for calls instead of texts?

[Anonymous]

He's already told me he's not ready for a relationship bc he's a musician and wants to focus on graduating first and getting into the music industry. We haven't had any talks about being in a relationship tho. I just want him to call me on the days we agreed on. Like keep your word type shit. But now he's avoiding my texts and avoiding me online.

I'm pretty sure he's talking to other girls bc well he's in college and we literally just met each other online. I'm fine being on a roster as long as he takes me out on dates, etc like he said he would. So why is he pulling back now just bc I asked him to call instead of text me? I hate texting bc of carpel tunnel.

Updates

3 mo

He said - Energetically if I indulge too much in something to far outside my natural intuitive way, I usually get sick or I start manifesting things outside of my control. Not to say talking to you is unnatural but I have general rules on myself that I have to go back to. I don't know what tf that means

Updates

3 mo

He called me. He said he gets bored talking about mundane conversations. That's why he makes it special and talks for hours on his off days. I still don't understand it. But he made sure to follow me back on all our socials 🤷🏽‍♀️. Is this how guys validate a relationship nowadays?

[MrOracle]

It means that he is busy with various demands that he has to balance, and that your relationship is casual and to some extent at his convenience. You aren't in a committed relationship and you are expecting more from him, in terms of time and communication method, then he is prepared to spend right now.

This is why most women cannot do casual relationships - they always want more. Guys don't want to give more unless they are in a committed relationship - and many guys don't want to give more PERIOD, which is why they avoid relationships.

It's clear that he is a popular guy who can easily get women. That means you don't have any leverage to make demands - he can replace you and would rather do that than give you more and more (because he knows this won't be the end of your wants, but the beginning).

This is a great lesson, one that you will benefit greatly from: if you go after the popular guys that every other girl wants, the guy will always have all the leverage, and you will only ever be one girl in a long series of other girls, and you will never be taken seriously. He won't change because it doesn't benefit him to change.

If you want to be important to someone, and want to be someone's priority, then you need to date guys who are further down the popularity/attractiveness scale. You'll never, ever get those things from the hot/popular guy that all the other girls want, because those guys have endless opinions. If you insist on chasing the hot/popular guys (like most women today are doing), you will just end up running up your body count and ending up alone.

[Asker]

I've always dated popular hot guys with no issues. Me lowering my standards is not going to solve my problems either. Now, for an update. He did call me. He says it gets boring talking on the phone but says he'll make an effort to call me more. He said he doesn't want the excitement to wear off. But I can call him whenever and vice versa.

[MrOracle]

The problem is that you have high standards for superficial things and low standards for characteristics of substance. That's fine if you are just casual dating for fun - you don't have to care that you have no long-term potential.

The problem is that the days and years are ticking by, and your youth - the source of a HUGE amount of your "relationship value" that gives you so much leverage right now, is slipping away. And there is nothing you can do to restore or replace youth.

Someday, before you know it, you will realize that when you walk into a room, no one pays attention anymore. They are still paying attention to the 22 year olds, like they used to pay attention to you, but you are mostly invisible. Your friends will be married or have children and won't be able to go out with you. And then you will decide that you are ready for a real relationship with a man - except you can't find one.

Millions of women are there right now, living this reality. They squandered their youth having fun and now they have no youth to offer a man, and the men aren't interested.

I'm just trying to get you to see this and avoid that fate while you can - for your sake. Your outcomes won't affect me personally - but you won't escape them.

[Asker]

Yeah you're projecting at this point. Inconclusive to the subject.

[Hiker_011]

He possibly finds it uncomfortable to have to call someone at a scheduled time, especially these days when people are used to texting, and replying when it's convenient for them

[Asker]

But he doesn't always text back right away and I dont want a random text to a conversation I forgot about

[Hiker_011]

I understand, but it's like you said, he's in college and probably involved with other girls. It's kind of a red flag that he isn't extremely interested If he isn't willing to put in the effort to call you.

[Asker]

I agree. Like why only text and dm but not call? He says bc we talk on the phone for hours but he was the one talking for 8 hrs

[Hiker_011]

I wasn't aware that he talks for so long. Umm.. I just know that I like texting. When friends or acquaintances text me, it gives me a chance to really think before I agree to things. When in a relationship, I like seeing women in person if possible. Texting, and even talking on the phone is very unsatisfying. I want to be close to her.

[Asker]

So phone calls and hearing their voice doesn't make you feel comfortable? Like he wants me to travel to see him to be closer so why wouldn't a phone call work

[Hiker_011]

That's just me. I had a long-distance situation with a woman, and not being able to touch each other was very frustrating. Then thinking back to my marriage, talking on the phone was just temporary because we would see each other every day. As for your situation, another person in Gag mentioned that your friend isn't interested in a relationship. I think you should probably be careful not to get attached. If he isn't looking for a commited relationship with you, then he probably just wants to text you whenever he feels like it, and possibly get sex from you and other women. That's fine, but you probably shouldn't expect him to put much effort into calling you, or trying to please you basically. He doesn't want a relationship.

[Asker]

What if he's planning dates?

[Hiker_011]

He could be doing it to get sex, and then go back to his normal routine. I guess you'd have to ask him why he wants to date if he doesn't want a relationship right now.

[Asker]

True.

[Asker]

I probably asked him the wrong thing. I asked him if he's talking to other girls and its ok if he is. He said he's not lying to me.

[Hiker_011]

Thanks for the award.

[HollyK21]

So what exactly do you want out of this? A pen pal? friends with benefits? Someone to chat with? Because a relationship isn’t on the table. Despite not having talked about it, he already set a boundary and was transparent by telling you that isn’t what he wants.
Even though this isn’t how you’re trying to pose it, you seem to be interested in doing things that build and strengthen your connection, like phone calls vs texts. Calls are more personal, and if he doesn’t want to travel that road with you or any woman right now, then he’s avoiding giving you the wrong impression.

[HollyK21]

Also, if you hated typing because of carpel tunnel then you’d hate doing anything else that requires using your rotary function, like writing this post, scrolling through your phone, etc. So I don't know if that’s the greatest excuse.

[Asker]

I use speech to text like any other disabled person. But it doesn't translate through texting and is less efficient than a simple phone call

[Asker]

I already told him I want to fuck but still be friendly. I can't get in a serious relationship with him. I dont want to deter him from his career or compete.

[HollyK21]

You can’t text to speech your fine motor skills or day to day, repetitive activities that would surely be affected by carpal tunnel. If texting isn’t doable, are you able to grip things? Hold your phone without issue? What about cooking? Brushing your teeth? Applying makeup? Driving? In any case, I don’t want to make that the basis of this conversation. If you must make carpal tunnel the catalyst then that’s your prerogative. I just get the impression that it’s deeper than that, like wanting more of a connection when that simply isn’t being offered up. It doesn’t matter if he has calls you on occasion, or has a long conversation here and there, that can happen to anyone wanting any sort of company in their free time or even if they’re feeling lonely.

You offering up sex isn’t going to turn you into a priority, especially if you aren’t the only one he’s getting it from and he most likely would not be transparent about that. Even if you tell him it’s all good, he’s not a dumbass he isn’t going to tell you. I understand not wanting to deter him from career or whatever but in that case you would just sit back and wait for him to contact you. If sex is your only motive, let him come and get it when he’s got some free time. But I have a feeling that a connection which is so impersonal can start to feel degrading, so maybe that isn’t all you want.

[Asker]

Yeah I have carpel tunnel in both hands. I dont have to drive to work and its painful to brush teeth but I have electric toothbrush. But anyway, he did end up calling me instead

[Asker]

I don't know what he wants bc he's planning a whole date for us

[HollyK21]

If he’s not open to a relationship, then the intention is to get laid, especially since that’s what you claim to want as well. I think going on a date first is far more appropriate and normal, as opposed to just hopping in bed. Nobody wants to feel used, and if he just led with “let’s meet here and that’ll be that”, no self-respecting woman would go for it. It’s just disrespectful. It’s better to go out first, get comfortable, have a good time.

[Asker]

Okay

[Nikki1989]

He is probably hiding something. People that insist on texting usually are.

[spartan55]

Is some weirdo musician you met online really your only option?

[Asker]

Yes i

[WhitneySnow]

At least he called you. Any other red flags? He’s probably just one of those rare guys who prefer texting.

[bowenw]

He may be in a relationship with someone else and can't talk on the phone.

[Asker]

I'm thinking that 🤔 so why does he want to be involved with me?

[bowenw]

He could be a player and is stringing many women along.

[Asker]

I get having a roster but do better i guess. Like be upfront

[bowenw]

Players whole strategy is to make girls feel like they are the only one and important. He may have a legitimate reason for not wanting to talk on the phone, but it all sounds a little suspect.

[Asker]

Yeah its sus.

[Alex-Snow]

That is kind of weird of him. Does he talk more IRL when you see him? Are you sexually involved with him yet?

[DryGermanGuy]

Maybe his voice sounds like RFK junior?

[Asker]

I know what his voice sounds like and he has no problems when its in a gc setting.