How do I know if I made the right decision in breaking up with my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I dated this guy for 6 months. He’s a very very busy guy he’s extremely dedicated to his work which I really do admire I’ve never seen anyone so disciplined. But it also takes up so much of his time and energy that there isn’t really a lot left for me. I often find myself overthinking if he even really does care about me because I see myself remembering things for him and trying to ease his stress and he never really vocalizes his feelings for me or goes out of his way to make me feel appreciated. I went to his house last night to tell him these things and that it’s not sustainable for me because I really don’t feel like he cares about me and he said that that’s not the case but he’s a very hard time balancing work and not only me but everyone else in his life. He told me he didn’t wanna break up but at the same time he understands what I’m saying and that it isn’t fair to me. But I just feel like if he really did care about me he wouldn’t have a hard time. Just texting me when he’s busy to tell me he’s busy and that he’s thinking of me or really just doing the things that you naturally do when you care about someone. Anyways, he told me he felt we were rushing into the break up and that he needed a week to think about if he could be what I need him to be. I just don’t know if he really did care about me. Wouldn’t it just be a nonnegotiable. I already miss him and I just don’t know what to do. I am proud of myself for leaving and not sleeping there because to a degree I do feel like in a relationship your power lies, and your ability to walk away.
But I just wish he would tell me that he really does care about me and he’ll do anything to be with me, but I guess that just wasn’t the case if he has to think about it for a week.

[HollyK21]

You’ve got to do not only what feels right, but what makes the most sense. Staying with a person who, despite how much he may want a relationship, has no time to sustain one, doesn’t make sense. Putting yourself through emotional distress, at any capacity, also doesn’t make sense. Put your feelings for him to the side for a moment, ask yourself this and be honest: if I were to tell you that what’s happening right now was as good as the relationship was ever going to get, would you genuinely want to stay? I think the answer would be no.


Breakups can be hard. It’s normal to have doubts, to miss them, to question yourself, but ultimately you should trust yourself to make the right decision and know that you’d never have done this if there were any other options. I’m sure he means well, he just doesn’t have time for a relationship and if he’s unable to fit you into his life now, then I don't know how much different that would be next week, next month, and so on, while he’s still at that job.

[Asker]

Thanks so much I really appreciate u taking the time to answer i agree

[Anonymous]

He didn't seem to feel the same way.