Is he just being nice?

[Anonymous]

The number one thing I noticed was his eye contact… most waiters just look etc but whenever he talked he made great eye contact and when he was talking to my mom he was mostly facing towards me and he looked at me majority of the time while talking with his hands.

He asked my mom what brings her here and visiting and she said visiting me and he asked if we’re from here we said no he asked how I got here and I said I worked here for two years as a teacher and I told him I stopped and I’m going into nursing and he says yeah he understands and he’s changing his major from film/ media to aviation said he was doing a 180. But when he talks his eyes are always on me and he was talking about something and he asked “what’s the
Word?” But still not looking away etc

But even after the bill he lingered and asked what our plans were and said he has great suggestions and mentioned the art museum and tried to show me where it was and he tried to get us some free art tickets

Just bring nice

He’s attracted

[slatyb]

He almost certainly finds you attractive, but it's improper for employees to hit on customers unless they have known them for quite some time. If you want to see him away from the restaurant, you should return and ask him.

[Asker]

My mother suggested we be friends and actually asked for his number…he seemed a bit like he glitched or I don't know but my mom suggested writing it down and he did write it down. But I don't know if he felt obligated… he was prompted to write his name maybe he was nervous or didn’t want to so I didn’t reach out

[slatyb]

texting is pretty low key, go ahead. he will respond or he won't. If you do nothing, then nothing will happen.

[Asker]

My mom ripped up the number and said I wasn’t ready.

[slatyb]

Are you an adult or a child?

[Asker]

Adult… but I feel even more insecure now.

[slatyb]

Stop letting your mother run your life. Maybe move out?

[Asker]

She’s in a different state… but if he was hesitant to write his number when she asked and he was prompted to write his name because he forgot then he wasn’t interested

[Asker]

He got a girlfriend

[slatyb]

Not the problem, the problem is "my mom ripped up the number and said I wasn't ready". You are an adult, your mother doesn't get to decide for you.

[Asker]

That’s true but I guess that happened for a reason

[LC75LC71]

This is how waiters get good tips.. You did tip right?

[Asker]

Yes I did

[LC75LC71]

kool kool.

[spartan55]

You must be really desperate.

[DryGermanGuy]

It’s the waiter story again… 😴

[HollyK21]

You’re proving your mom right.

[Asker]

How? What am I doing wrong?

She doesn’t have the right to choose when I can talk to someone. I haven’t talked to or genuinely been attracted to a guy in 2 years… why did that have to be stripped away from me…. im stuck in the loneliness and what if of it all

[HollyK21]

I get that Chels, but it was a fairly brief, one time interaction and you’re dragging it out like this. Let it go now. This waiter (Who was just trying to do his job) shouldn’t even be a thought in your mind anymore but you’re giving that encounter so much life and energy. You’re turning it into such a deeply devastating loss. When this first went down you were saying you just wanted a new friend, now you’re talking about being attracted to this guy and having it stripped away. I think your mom knew the last thing you need is a new man, and while that may hurt your feelings to hear, sometimes truths aren’t easy to hear about yourself but that doesn’t make then less necessary to be told. No boyfriends or new male friends, just focusing on yourself and your betterment.

Get back to work, enroll in nursing school or do both so you can get busier in life again. I don’t know what your current your day to day is like but if you still aren’t working then you’ve likely got a lot of free time, and too much free time could become catastrophic to someone with your frame of mind. It just means more time to overthink and drive yourself crazy. More time to dive deeper into the manic side part your illness, more time to really over-feel your loneliness. None of that is good or healthy. Once you’re back at work and/or school, you will start feeling connected to people again. I think for someone like you the only free time you should have is the kind you can’t avoid, like bedtime and weekends. Other than that fill every ounce of time, come home exhausted to where you pass out then do it again the next day.

[Asker]

I have the right to hold on to something that made me feel good

[HollyK21]

This has become a source of hurt because you feel like an opportunity was stripped from you, therefore I can’t imagine how any part of that would make you feel good. If it’s just the fact that he made you feel seen and acknowledged then guess what Chels? You could achieve that just by getting out of your house and trying to start living your life again. Go out and make some friends, get busy, then maybe you won’t just be stuck obsessing over brief interactions with random people, such as this. If loneliness is the issue then stop suffering through it and go do something about it.

[Asker]

No I genuinely felt a connection

[HollyK21]

He was just doing his job hun. There was no connection. He even seemed to hesitate about giving your mom his number and sounds like he did so reluctantly.

[Asker]

You’re acting like I asked him for it. I don’t feel that way though. I’m not saying he wants me but I definitely felt a connection but it’s whatever that’s your opinion

[Asker]

Next time I’ll keep my head down because you’re right. Why would a guy actually see me if all people as worthy.

[HollyK21]

I’m not acting like anything, just telling you what it looked like. This isn’t about your worth, if fact whether or not some random guy wants your number or not shouldn’t determine your own personal value. You are worthy of the right kind of love, it just shouldn’t be your focus right now. Did you disagree with what I had to say about distractions? Are you going back to school or work anytime soon?

[HollyK21]

*in fact

[Asker]

Yes I just finished training and I’m registering to take my test as a cna. Then I’m studying to get into nursing school

[Asker]

I don’t disagree but I really want to talk to a man. I want to be loved. I want to have experiences with him.. I don’t want to be alone

[Asker]

Whatever it’s not about distractions.. women like me aren’t meant to be loved 🤷‍♀️ it is what it is. It’s just better to disappear. Let men be with their dream girl

[HollyK21]

It is about distractions. Why? Because they take away from you fully focusing on your priority, which should be getting into a better frame of mind so that you CAN one day be not only a girlfriend or wife, but a good one. It’s great that you’re moving forward with school, just keep your mind on that for now. I feel like once this is all off you’re plate, then you could try finding a man if one doesn’t find you first. But not right now.

[Asker]

Yeah whatever

[HollyK21]

Being in denial doesn’t help you.

[Asker]

I’m not in denial. I just said whatever… I agree I need to focus but I can also feel that I’m just not enough for it to have been genuine

[HollyK21]

Whether it was genuine or not — it’s over, you have to let that interaction go. You say you really wanna talk to a man, be loved, have experiences, but all that comes with time and it’s sooo not a priority right now.

[Asker]

Okay fine.