Is he just being nice?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with the same guy for 5 years. For the first two years I maintained my weight very well. Then I got injured which has eliminated most forms of exercise. I’ve had this injury for 3 years now and it looks like it will be a permanent problem.

In these last 3 years I’ve gained 30lbs (I started at 115) because my mobility is so much more limited. Outside of the way I eat I have little control of my weight now.

I know my boyfriend loves me no matter what but I also don’t want him to be disappointed or embarrassed of the way I look now. He says my weight gain doesn’t bother him is he just being nice? Would this be the same as “letting myself go”?

[Anonymous]

When your partner is unhappy or feeling down, they’re unhappy and feeling down. And no amount of “No you’re not!” or “You’re beautiful!” is going to make that go away. Same in your case.

And affirming their feelings and validating your experiences is really important.

The thing about body image is that it’s a psychological relationship to one’s understanding of one’s body. It’s not really about what’s “real” and what’s not; it’s wrapped up in perspective and emotion.

I think one of the nicest things someone can say about their partner’s body is just that: "I love your body because it's yours, and I love you."

So don't overthink. He is being nice but he still loves you.

[Kyyroz]

What injury did you sustain and how does it affect your movement?

[Asker]

I broke multiple vertebrae in my spine which has caused substantial nerve damage. I’m getting ready for a spinal fusion which will help with the pain but even after that my mobility will be very limited. I can not bend or twist my torso in any direction, can not lift above 5-10 lbs, and can’t sit or stand for more than 15 -20 minutes at a time. After the surgery I’m supposed to be able to stand and walk for a longer duration though!

[Kyyroz]

I see. I'm sorry that's the case. Discuss with your doctor if there are any forms of exercise which would be healthy for you to perform. If not, just stick to dieting. It's not your fault anyway... don't kick yourself too much.