Why do men only see me as a fun friend and never as girlfriend material?

[Anonymous]

Im constantly in my own head wondering whats wrong with and why guys dont like me or want to be with.

Im well travelled, funny and just a genuinely happy person who loves to have fun. I dont have trouble with getting men to talk to me if anything you'd think men loved me. I make male friends very easily and they constantly want to be around me, laugh at my jokes and want to hang out but as soon as I tell them I like them its like im a joke to them and they can't believe id think they'd be interested.

Its really effected the way I see myself and I wonder if its because im unattractive but thats clearly not the issue. Im blonde, petite, blue eyed and very feminine. I've never had s issue with getting guys flirting with me and telling me im pretty but if I want a relationship its like I've asked them for a kidney.

Im not a slut or anything either. I've never had a boyfriend, I don't smoke and only occasionally drink. Others usually refer to me as being classy and abit of a good girl.

Made friends with these two guys and we'd constantly hang out together, we'd go to the pub, go cinema even have day trips together. It never felt awkward once and we'd constantly laugh together.

One of the guys I really liked and I thought he liked me too. We'd often spend time away from are other friends and have dinner together etc if anything I kinda thought we were dating but just not calling it that.

Then when we went out recently I asked him what we were and he kind of just laughed and said "friends aren't we" i got a little upset because i get this everytime I like someone and I felt so stupid. He just said "look i just don't see you that" and hugged me now he's dating another girl and im having to pretend to be okay.

I just think if get labelled as one of the boys but im literally not. Im super girly. They just see me as the fun, adventures friend whose there for their entertainment

[Anonymous]

Just so you know first off, men don’t really care if you’re well traveled. So that’s not going to impress them if that’s what you’re thinking. It may actually be a turn off. A lot of times men think a girl who is well traveled, traveled w a man. Especially w social media these days the way a lot of women are posting online how they’re traveling but it’s almost always cause some dude funded her trip. Two a lot of women usually aren’t funny, men just tend to laugh at her jokes to get a better chance at getting w her. Maybe you are. Sounds like you’re gravitating toward the same type of men as well so that may be the issue. But to me what you described, what you said, most men would just see you as someone for fun, nothing serious.

[Asker]

I dont do social media, I hate it and see it as pointless. My hoildays aren't funded by other men either 🤣 i literally have a full time job i do things without relying on a man to pay for me

[Opinion Owner]

I get that. But people assume things all the times. These are things men tend to assume about women, especially if it’s a trip overseas. A girl who is scantly dressed may not be promiscuous but a lot of men will think she is. The other thing is are you relationship material? Most women who are meant to be wives, moms, are swept up pretty quick. In terms of how long women usually live you’re not old, but in the dating scene you’re getting up there so a lot of men may not want you at your age either. There’s a lot of possibilities as to why they see you this way. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly why w out actually knowing you.

[Asker]

Im very conservative and dress modest but im also not a nun. When go away its not im some yatch hoe most my hoilday im visiting churches, museums, historic buildings, trying new foods etc.

When I go aboard I get hit on a lot but ill be honest I dont trust men on hoilday because I know there only wanting onr thing and om not that type of girl.

All I want is a man i can travel and have a shared interests with. I think maybe men think im too much for them amd want to much by asking for a relationship in this day in age of hook up culture

[Opinion Owner]

What do you mean you think they think you’re too much for them?

[Asker]

Like im too much wanting a relationship from them. Maybe im too excitable and chatty for them

[Opinion Owner]

So maybe you’re putting off a vibe that makes you seem desperate.

[Asker]

Maybe but I've gotten to the point were im so lonely and wondering what im doing wrong.

At first id never chase a man and thought they'd come to me and id be too nervous to ask a guy out but over time I told myself if I don't put myself out there nothing will ever happen but when I did that I got pushed away too..

I really don't get men they moan but girls expect them to do all the work and then when a girl is up front with them they get put off

[Opinion Owner]

Please explain that last paragraph more. Men in my opinion aren’t really that complicated. But if I’m being honest looks comes first in almost all cases when it comes to meeting men. If you don’t have the looks most men aren’t going to give you that attention. I think too where a lot of women go wrong is they think that if this is how I think or react to things in life that men probably think or react the same.

[Asker]

I don't want to say im beautiful because im obviously not but I wouldn't say i was ugly either.

Really I was kinda led to believe men liked the blue eyed, blonde girls who are petite and people tell me im really pretty and cute but im probably average like a 7 out of 10.

Im not walking on a Victoria secret cat walk anytime soon but im also not breaking mirrors as I walk by.

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly if your a solid 7 that is pretty good. I don’t think there’s a girl who is a 10 on this planet. As for what you look like yes a lot of men like that type, but they also like a lot of other types as well. As of a some years back it’s gotten to where a lot of men like women who aren’t fat, but aren’t exactly skinny either. So where in the middle, nice curvy body. I myself prefer Hispanic women for a number of reasons.
Could it be your personality? I ask because girls who know they’re cute, hot or whatever it is sullying even put much effort into theirselves as far as personality or attaining the skills necessary to find a man. They rely completely on their looks because that’s what’s always worked in the past for them. But then they realize after a while my looks will only take me so far.

[Asker]

I really hope its not my personality. I try to be kind to everyone around me and if I was a bad person id hope the people around me would hold me accountable or how can I change.

I think guys may assume im frigid but I just have standards and self respect and im not scared to say no if someone is making me feel uncomfortable.

His new girlfriend is filipino/English and I don’t know if that has something to do with it as Asian women tend to be more submissive, feminine with men and she is really beautiful too.

Whilst British white woman kind of have a poor rep

[Opinion Owner]

It’s possible. A lot of men love Asian women. I know I do as well. I’m not saying it’s impossible for you to meet someone, I’m not saying you’re old either, but you’re getting up there in age where men usually look for women younger than you. If a girl is pretty, in most cases she has no problem attracting men. So if she’s attracting women but none of them are picking her, it can’t be all the men. So yes maybe it’s her.
When you say white, British women have kind of a poor rep? What exactly do you mean by that?

[Asker]

We get stereotyped as loud, drunk, ugly and unlady like.

I think men start to like me at first and then they find someone better and forget about me. I only really attract weird guys or men with really bad learning disabilities as horrible as that sounds.

I always feel as if im second best. I remember in high-school and guy friend of mine liked my friend and told me he wanted to ask her out. When the day came to ask her out i asked if he did it and his response was "no i was too nervous so i thought it be easier to ask you out instead" and then I got called a bitch and made out as the bad guy for being upset over that

[Opinion Owner]

All of that just sounds bad. I’m sorry to hear that. Could you describe what you look like?

[Asker]

Blonde wavy her, big blue eyes, light skin. Im 5ft1/2 and uk size 10. Id say my celebrity look like is probably Dakota Fanning

[Opinion Owner]

No bad. Would you say you’re curvy? I’m sorry I don’t know sizes when it comes to females. Body wise compared to a celebrity who would you say your body most resembles?

[Asker]

Yeah im curvy. I have boobs and ass if thats what you're asking. I know some girls say "curvy" and they think thats the same as plus size but I ain't like that. Im like slim thick

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Looking at your description, I'm genuinely intrigued about what's going on because you give all descriptors, individually and socially, saying that you should have started your love life quite easily...

Are you living in a particularly conservative area? Or a somewhat repressed culture? That are my only guesses.

[Asker]

No i live in the city. One guy in the past said its because im too innocent and in not slutty enough for him and fucking me would be like fucking a bunny rabbit.

That really upset me but all he thought id be good for was fucking in the first place and I thought men preferred girls who weren't slutty

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Uhhhh that guy was weird lol, that's quite a high level of bad taste, I would not have swallowed that pill easily if a girl have pulled off an equivalent of this statement to my face. Yet, if it's just one odd case, then it's not reasonably relevant.

Are guys usually THAT casual with you though?

[Asker]

Well I wasn't happy with what he said either and when I confronted him about it the next time I saw him. He denied it and made me out to crazy nothing to do with his drinking of course.

I've never had a relationship with a man in any form besides friends and im 25.

Im getting worried now but men will reject me out of lack of experience and feeling pressure of being the first

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I understand such specific worries, however look closer at that hypothetical rejection please. Look at how weird the comment of that guy was and what it says about him, surely you don't want to appear attractive for such a guy. It's actually good news that such profile rejects you. It facilitates filtering we all have to do to find people fitting us

[HollyK21]

I won’t fully rule out looks, because even the most beautiful women aren’t every man’s cup of tea and it’s fair to assume this could’ve been a factor in any one or few of those negative encounters you’re having. Which I say with zero disrespect of course. Aside from that though, I think a lot of men these days are just noncommittal. They recognize that you aren’t just looking for fun and they just aren’t ready to step up to the plate for this or that reason.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t know how would we? We don’t know you.

[whosnumber_1]

That's a tough one. It's hard to explain it when I can't see the dynamic but hanging out and meeting people (guy) is where you want to be so your probably doing the right things. Maybe try broadening your social reach a bit.

[In_Trance]

It's probably because you gravitate towards the same type of guy and keep repeating the same cycle over and over.
You know the kind of guy that you look at and you say no I could never date him? That's the guy you want to be with

[Asker]

You might be on to something. There is this guy who works for my family. he's very old fashioned manly man kind of guy who likes camping and hunting etc. At first i thought he hated me because he was always very quiet around me and when he did speak to me. He was usually calling my shit out.

Now I've moved my family joke but he has a crush on me and is always asking about me. he's very sweet and id give him a chance but my confidence is ruined and I don't want to repeat the same mistakes and make it awkward for him as he works for my family.

I just can't imagine us having anything in common he likes fishing and thinks he's bear grills whilst i think im barbie 😅

[bowenw]

He may have said you are a friend because he already has a girlfriend he is loyal to. Try hanging out with more single guys.

[jahaims]

You don't know how to communicate intentions

[Asker]

How do I do that? I told him i like him i thought that was enough? I keep comparing myself to his new girlfriend wondering what she's got that i dont