Why don't guys ever see me as girlfriend material?

[Anonymous]

I've just graduated college, and looking back on my romantic past during my time there, it sucked. Guys never wanted to date me, just hook up/be friends with benefits. I have a good double major (economics and math), with good grades, I have goals, I have hobbies, and I didn't sleep with guys "too soon." Yet they would always end up saying "I don't want anything serious..." and then they'd go and get serious with the next girl to come along. I'm at the point now where I'm just thinking "What the f**k is wrong with me?" Why is every other girl deserving of love and commitment and I'm not?

[Anonymous]

Okay, so your grades and education and whatever is irrelevant, so best not to get hung up on that stuff. Doesn't matter if these are things you want in guys, it just makes no difference so don't concern yourself with it.

Perhaps an argument could be made that you've presented yourself as too wrapped up in hobbies, education and non-romantic life in general to be seen as being interested in investing in a relationship. I've seen a lot of girls go on about their education, as if I'm suppose to be impressed to the point of attraction. The same with hobbies and work, similar interests are cool, but it's not similar interests that women seem to focus on, it's the mere fact that they have all these interests. Seems like they're trying to be this super awesome independent individual with everything going for them and not needing anyone (they 'don't need no man'). That kind of person sounds like they'd be suited for casual dating and hookups, but it hardly seems like I'd have an important place in their life.

Another thing is that if you've hooked up with a bunch of guys then that's going to be an issue. A girl 'with a lot of experience' might still be physically attractive and be fun and all that stuff, but 'experience' a detracting factor from 'girlfriend material.' I would think that such a factor would mean guys would still like you but not see you as a keeper, thus they don't want anything serious with you and when a keeper comes along they want to get serious with her.

[Tony_1693]

You definitely sound like girlfriend material to me. Maybe it's something that you haven't listed.

The idea that I try to deviate away from is that it's the guy's fault and not yours. Logically, this doesn't make sense because there are so many guys out there who are quality and seeking the same thing you are. It's just not rational to blame the issue on every guy you come in contact with instead of yourself-- ya know? I'm not throwing shade at you but I laugh at this whole idea of women thinking men are just too intimidated by them. That's the epitome of delusion at it's finest.

Your description is pretty basic and vanilla in a way. If you want, you can tell me some more here and maybe I can help you think it through.

A little bit about myself... I've been with a lot of women for my age. Mostly all hookups. I've also been in a committed relationship for a while now and getting married soon. I can tell you what stood out to me with my girlfriend. I can also tell you what separated other girls in my head between relationship/hookup material when I was single.

I'm just not about to type out a mini-novel if you don't actually want to read it lol.

[Richareens]

You're just meeting the wrong guys. There are definitely good ones who want good ladies, out there. Also, you're young so there are going to be many guys who just want to have fun and don't want anything serious. Never change, lovely. You're admirable and it's good you have respect for yourself. Hang in there! :)

[RJGraveyTrain]

Honestly girl that's dating in college from what I understand. I'm back in college and I have a man but dudes still try to hit me up with that "FWB" bullshit lol. It's not you. Youngins in college don't know what's up.

[CammyKattt]

Unfortunately a lot of guys are still immature at that age. They might just admire the way look and be too shallow to see beneath your beauty.

[winterfox10]

The answer is in your question! You are so worried about what value you have created in yourself, that you aren't thinking about how you have contributed to the lives of the people around you. Don't worry, it's a really easy mistake to make, and I know I'm hella guilty of it too!

Some girls simply don't bring enough to the table to make guys want to get closer to them. It's not just about your achievements and hobbies and stuff; it's about how you compliment the person you are with.

Look at every genuinely happy couple you see. What do they all have in common? Both the man and the woman are actively sacrificing and improving each other constantly.

[HughJass]

It then goes back to your looks and some personality traits because having all that " positive " stuff and get ignored is either for your looks or lack of a pleasant personality (in their perspective).

No need to be jealous girl. Life is not fair for many of us. It takes time. Either they don't deserve you or you are being a turn off for them.

:)

[bizkid95]

I'm gonna give you the stark truth here. Most guys, especially in college, are dating for sex, and are typically douche bags. Honestly, they probably haven't seen the personal side of you they can admire, so they just haven't seen the "gf material." I didn't think much of my girlfriend until we made food together the first time, and then from then on, I was intrigued, and wanted to really get to know her. We started out as FWBs, but it snowballed over time

[Anonymous]

I think with a question such as this, you might want to consider the type of guys you are attracted to in both physical and mental ways. They all have obviously all had the same brain wave of thinking skills. When a male tells you a vague line like "Im not ready for something serious, they are not man enough to tell you what's really on their mind. Honestly, do you really want to be committed to someone who cannot share their thoughts with You? From a truthful standpoint, it sounds like maybe an action has "scared" them away. Guys are just as mysterious as women. Make a guy feel needed, but not in a pushy way. Make him realize he is special to you, without being overly affectionate. With those two things in mind, you're bound to have success with the right guy.

[siccorro]

Your age group, not you. I've actually had a discussion similar to this with someone I work with and he is kinda sick of the college hookup culture which seems to have devolved from when I was in college. The old adage that women mature more quickly also applies. If you really want a guy who will commit them find a guy who is a little older, with kids and is looking for their new mom. Otherwise, keep trying and don't settle.

[chrisbigman]

Is it possible that you didn't vet the guys and force them to not do their immature behavior of sleeping with any and every woman they come across? I'm not saying you're a horrible woman. I'm just saying you made a mistake when being with these guys, and that it's the reason.

[madhatters4]

i found that in college the vast majority of people weren't looking for committed relationships. they wanted freedom in college.

i imagine part of it may have been the circles you ran with though.

[medicguy]

Don't think down that way. I think that way myself about me and it'll cause more harm than good. Keep your head up. Someone smart who will want you will come along.

[Kinderfly]

See some guys just go for looks personally I think there somethings to like in every girl old or young ugly or cute there's always something to love

[Jerobrian]

Cuz most guys that age.. My age aren't looking for something serious.. Just fun. And if it's not your cup of tea.. Then we just move on. But there will guys who would kill to take you out. So don't put yourself down.

[DesiBeautyLover]

They could be intimidated by you, or maybe because you have such degrees and such high goals in life they think you won't have enough time in your lives for a relationship.

[roy_ricky09]

Wait what? There's nothing wrong with you, they just are out of your league.
You will find someone that fits the profile.
And stop comparing yourself to them.

[vjedi]

Honestly there does sound like anything is wring with you at all. As far as why, I wouldn't be able to tell without having spent time to get to actually know you.
Keep your head up, it will happen.

[king34]

Lol no guy in college wants commitment, the only reason im going to college is to have reckless sex with random girls, its not a problem with you, its just that no dude wants to be tied dow in college

[MzAsh]

And these men will wonder where all the good women went when they are 30 and *finally* ready to settle down.

[vyvyn]

@MzAsh Exactly. So what happens then?

[MzAsh]

@vyvyn They become bitter MGTOW

[king34]

Actually those guys just keep haveing random sex and one night stands and stuff

[0112358]

@MzAsh uh, no. MGTOW tend to be either post divorce, or more often, guys who couldn't get laid.

The guys who get laid easily in their 20's, typically still get laid easily later, settle down whenever they feel like it and often pick a less experienced woman.

The only exceptional cases to that would be guys who really peaked early, but that's more often a guy who peaked in like... high school. Maybe he was on the football team and partied and girls hung out with him, and by 25 he was fat and no longer playing ball and working a crap job. But college guys who get laid a lot almost always are still doing well later.

[MzAsh]

@0112358 I observe a lot of MGTOW who are either divorced and bitter because of their divorce, or men who have exceptionally high standards about how women should be, (usually about sexual past or submissiveness) and they are unhappy that women in America specifically aren't very chaste or submissive.

[0112358]

@MzAsh agreed. But neither of those are guys who were getting laid constantly then wanted to settle down. The first group no longer wants to settle down. The second generally was not (probably not able) to hook up. They do not want some girl who ignored them at 23 to settle for them at 30.

[MzAsh]

@0112358 I see. In my view, they can either take what they can get or go their own way and stop complaining.

[es20490446e]

How would your masculine self look like? Would you want to date him?

[Omar5881]

Then don't have sex unless you're serious eith a guy

[BannuBee]

Unless you got the perfect one, it happens with wrong partners.

[dankdude]

Nothing is wrong with you. Those guys will do nothing but hold you back in life. For the moment you are just to strong for a man

[Anonymous]

Because you don't have the features that they look for

[Anonymous]

It nothing wrong with you. You just choose that type of guy who can be in relationship not who just want to fxxk you.