Was this waiter just being friendly or was he actually into me?

[Anonymous]

I know that’s his job etc but I feel like he was genuinely saw me and could feel or see my sadness or subtle withdrawal.. even after the bill and tip was done he lingered and after finding out that I was an art major and he told me he does film he tried to get me art tickets and he showed me where the museum was… despite me being the quiet one and dazed off in my own head he really tried to create a bridge. I know while he was talking to someone at my table I caught him already looking at me and he didn’t look away immediately

Just being nice

Flirty

Attraction

Player

[Nikki1989]

The waiter story, part 1,249. How many more chapters will be in this little fantasy you created?

[Asker]

No, I’m new.

[Smart_Monk]

A man or a woman can be attracted to a thousand different people. Even if he's attracted doesn't mean he wants to sleep with you, let alone a relationship.

The solution is to keep talking. Because even if he wasn't attracted enough to want anything with you, continuing to talk can change things. It can also give you more clues that he isn't if he isn't. You might need to talk to him for longer to give him substance to become interested in. A 5 minute chat about careers isn't something to build a relationship over.

If you look for signs, you look for signs. Let that sink in. You look for signs a man likes how you look. How much of an accomplishment is it to find a man who likes how you look? ㅤ

[Asker]

My mom asked for his number for me… I was embarrassed and told him he didn’t have to.. he wrote it down and my mom kept it.. I didn’t think much of it… it’s been a few days and I asked my mom for the number.. she says no because she doesn’t like my attitude… I get frustrated and try to look him up myself and I think I find his number on a wedding registry and it looks like him but I’m not sure.. so I ask my mom again for the number and she said she ripped it up and that I need to just focus on myself..

If she felt I needed to work on myself or I wasn’t ready I don’t understand the point of getting his number in the first place.. so I’ll never know.. so I have to move on

[Smart_Monk]

What if your mom found out he is married and that he is willing to cheat, she wants to save you from a cheating husband?

[Asker]

She doesn’t know that because she doesn’t know him he’s just a waiter… I wanted the number to verify if it was him or not. I have a moral compass and don’t need my mother’s permission to talk to someone.

[Smart_Monk]

She might have done an online lookup using his number and found out he is married.

That at least explains her ripping the paper. And sometimes compasses stop working when there is a strong magnetic field nearby, so she's still wishing you best.

[Asker]

No I told her I wasn’t sure that’s why I tried finding him because she wouldn’t give me the number.. either way it isn’t her business

[Iron_Man]

You don’t know unless you drop enough hints for him to ask you out, but you don’t have a lot of time so you gotta move quickly especially if you don’t know him well. So go back in there and make sure he waits on you and drop hints so he can ask you out

[Asker]

True.. he seems like a nice guy. Me and my mom went to a restaurant and at first I didn’t really notice him but he was kind like most waiters are. He was attentive. Even when talking to my mom he looked more at me and made me feel included.. he asked us questions and he told me about himself.. I told him I was doing a career change and I was an art teacher and he did film/ production but he’s doing aviation now and he said he understood me etc.. and he tried to get me some free tickets and asked if we wanted some recommendations… but he was just nice and attentive which are great qualities for a man to have…

[Iron_Man]

That sounds great. What a good experience that you had with your mom and him. I think you have a good chance with this guy. I used to go out with my mom to restaurants all the time once in a while I would get some nice looking waitresses that would give me too much attention that kind of made my mom jealous because she wasn’t giving her the same attention as she did with me.

[Asker]

My mom asked for his number for me… I was embarrassed and told him he didn’t have to.. he wrote it down and my mom kept it.. I didn’t think much of it… it’s been a few days and I asked my mom for the number.. she says no because she doesn’t like my attitude… I get frustrated and try to look him up myself and I think I find his number on a wedding registry and it looks like him but I’m not sure.. so I ask my mom again for the number and she said she ripped it up and that I need to just focus on myself..

If she felt I needed to work on myself or I wasn’t ready I don’t understand the point of getting his number in the first place.. so I’ll never know.. so I have to move on

[Iron_Man]

That’s not a good idea. The guy is probably gonna think you’re not interested. I can’t believe your mother would do that hide his phone number from you all these days. That sounds like my mother she would talk to the girl for me get things going when I was shy

[Asker]

Yeah.. it’s whatever.. he can find someone better if he hasn’t already

[Iron_Man]

I think you need to get that phone number from your mother and call him

[Asker]

My mother flew back home

[Iron_Man]

Call her on the phone she can give it to you

[Iron_Man]

Or go back and talk to that guy again

[Asker]

He’s in a relationship

[Iron_Man]

Ok thanks for telling me

[Asker]

I’m so stupid to have thought he was attracted or it was more

Sorry

[Iron_Man]

Don’t be sorry why are you sorry you had to try if you would like to talk about it more)

[Asker]

Yeah.. I never actually reached out to him I just found out.. maybe I misinterpreted his kindness for something more.

[Iron_Man]

That’s a shame I’m sorry to hear that. I know you must be disappointed.

[Asker]

Yeah lol I guess just because you have things in common with someone and they look at you in a way that makes you feel it’s not always something he’s just a naturally charismatic person

[Iron_Man]

If you want to discuss it more, would you want to talk in the messages because I have to keep searching for your comment it’s more easier to talk in the messages

[slatyb]

He almost certainly finds you attractive, but it's improper for employees to hit on customers unless they have known them for quite some time. If you want to see him away from the restaurant, you should return and ask him.

[Asker]

My mother suggested we be friends and actually asked for his number…he seemed a bit like he glitched or I don't know but my mom suggested writing it down and he did write it down. But I don't know if he felt obligated… he was prompted to write his name maybe he was nervous or didn’t want to so I didn’t reach out

[slatyb]

texting is pretty low key, go ahead. he will respond or he won't. If you do nothing, then nothing will happen.

[Asker]

My mom ripped up the number and said I wasn’t ready.

[slatyb]

Are you an adult or a child?

[Asker]

Adult… but I feel even more insecure now.

[slatyb]

Stop letting your mother run your life. Maybe move out?

[Asker]

She’s in a different state… but if he was hesitant to write his number when she asked and he was prompted to write his name because he forgot then he wasn’t interested

[Asker]

He got a girlfriend

[slatyb]

Not the problem, the problem is "my mom ripped up the number and said I wasn't ready". You are an adult, your mother doesn't get to decide for you.

[Asker]

That’s true but I guess that happened for a reason

[LC75LC71]

This is how waiters get good tips.. You did tip right?

[Asker]

Yes I did

[LC75LC71]

kool kool.

[David318578]

Fake stories from fake pink accounts are getting odd

[Anonymous]

He's just doing his job

Like the rest of us 😅👀

[spartan55]

You must be really desperate.

[DryGermanGuy]

It’s the waiter story again… 😴

[HollyK21]

You’re proving your mom right.

[Asker]

How? What am I doing wrong?

She doesn’t have the right to choose when I can talk to someone. I haven’t talked to or genuinely been attracted to a guy in 2 years… why did that have to be stripped away from me…. im stuck in the loneliness and what if of it all

[HollyK21]

I get that Chels, but it was a fairly brief, one time interaction and you’re dragging it out like this. Let it go now. This waiter (Who was just trying to do his job) shouldn’t even be a thought in your mind anymore but you’re giving that encounter so much life and energy. You’re turning it into such a deeply devastating loss. When this first went down you were saying you just wanted a new friend, now you’re talking about being attracted to this guy and having it stripped away. I think your mom knew the last thing you need is a new man, and while that may hurt your feelings to hear, sometimes truths aren’t easy to hear about yourself but that doesn’t make then less necessary to be told. No boyfriends or new male friends, just focusing on yourself and your betterment.

Get back to work, enroll in nursing school or do both so you can get busier in life again. I don’t know what your current your day to day is like but if you still aren’t working then you’ve likely got a lot of free time, and too much free time could become catastrophic to someone with your frame of mind. It just means more time to overthink and drive yourself crazy. More time to dive deeper into the manic side part your illness, more time to really over-feel your loneliness. None of that is good or healthy. Once you’re back at work and/or school, you will start feeling connected to people again. I think for someone like you the only free time you should have is the kind you can’t avoid, like bedtime and weekends. Other than that fill every ounce of time, come home exhausted to where you pass out then do it again the next day.

[Asker]

I have the right to hold on to something that made me feel good

[HollyK21]

This has become a source of hurt because you feel like an opportunity was stripped from you, therefore I can’t imagine how any part of that would make you feel good. If it’s just the fact that he made you feel seen and acknowledged then guess what Chels? You could achieve that just by getting out of your house and trying to start living your life again. Go out and make some friends, get busy, then maybe you won’t just be stuck obsessing over brief interactions with random people, such as this. If loneliness is the issue then stop suffering through it and go do something about it.

[Asker]

No I genuinely felt a connection

[HollyK21]

He was just doing his job hun. There was no connection. He even seemed to hesitate about giving your mom his number and sounds like he did so reluctantly.

[Asker]

You’re acting like I asked him for it. I don’t feel that way though. I’m not saying he wants me but I definitely felt a connection but it’s whatever that’s your opinion

[Asker]

Next time I’ll keep my head down because you’re right. Why would a guy actually see me if all people as worthy.

[HollyK21]

I’m not acting like anything, just telling you what it looked like. This isn’t about your worth, if fact whether or not some random guy wants your number or not shouldn’t determine your own personal value. You are worthy of the right kind of love, it just shouldn’t be your focus right now. Did you disagree with what I had to say about distractions? Are you going back to school or work anytime soon?

[HollyK21]

*in fact

[Asker]

Yes I just finished training and I’m registering to take my test as a cna. Then I’m studying to get into nursing school

[Asker]

I don’t disagree but I really want to talk to a man. I want to be loved. I want to have experiences with him.. I don’t want to be alone

[Asker]

Whatever it’s not about distractions.. women like me aren’t meant to be loved 🤷‍♀️ it is what it is. It’s just better to disappear. Let men be with their dream girl

[HollyK21]

It is about distractions. Why? Because they take away from you fully focusing on your priority, which should be getting into a better frame of mind so that you CAN one day be not only a girlfriend or wife, but a good one. It’s great that you’re moving forward with school, just keep your mind on that for now. I feel like once this is all off you’re plate, then you could try finding a man if one doesn’t find you first. But not right now.

[Asker]

Yeah whatever

[HollyK21]

Being in denial doesn’t help you.

[Asker]

I’m not in denial. I just said whatever… I agree I need to focus but I can also feel that I’m just not enough for it to have been genuine

[HollyK21]

Whether it was genuine or not — it’s over, you have to let that interaction go. You say you really wanna talk to a man, be loved, have experiences, but all that comes with time and it’s sooo not a priority right now.

[Asker]

Okay fine.

[Abbycado]

Yes and maybe empathetic type of person.

[slatyb]

Leave your number and see if he calls.

[Anonymous]

So, is it a male waiter today?

[Asker]

A couple days ago

[Asker]

True.. he seems like a nice guy. Me and my mom went to a restaurant and at first I didn’t really notice him but he was kind like most waiters are. He was attentive. Even when talking to my mom he looked more at me and made me feel included.. he asked us questions and he told me about himself.. I told him I was doing a career change and I was an art teacher and he did film/ production but he’s doing aviation now and he said he understood me etc.. and he tried to get me some free tickets and asked if we wanted some recommendations… but he was just nice and attentive which are great qualities for a man to have…

[In_Trance]

Stop posting this crap