Is it hard to change from a kind of playboy to a nice guy?

[-Asmo-]

Do those who have tried find it hard to break their habits and do girls find it less sexy when they become a nice guy?

Also, for girls is it difficult for a play-girl to become a nice girl, to leave behind the party, flirty kind of lifestyle... and do guys find this less sexy?

[Skyler123]

To be HONEST. I think the main reason why SOME men and women are such players is because they lack the maturity that comes with a committed relationship. Being in a relationship requires effort, time and responsibility. No player (albeit man or woman) wants that kind of position. They like to be free and with no kind of attachments. When they do finally decide to be in a committed relationship and strive to make that relationship WORK. That's when they start to grow and learn that life isn't all about "in the moment, or good times" its about the love we acquire and cultivate in our life time.

So to answer your questin yes, I think it is possible for a playboy to change into a nice guy, and it won't be so hard for them to do once they meet some one that knocks them off their feet, because it's something that will happen naturally. And before they know it they'll have already become this good guy without even trying. :)

[-Asmo-]

but quite a few players have had committed relationships so they actually have the skills and the maturity. it's like people know that drinking damages your brain and liver and they still drink, I wouldn't call half the world stupid, they just made a choice to prioritise certain desires over others.

But yeah, about meeting the right person, I heard that's the case, but somehow I wonder if habits and our walls will even then be hard to break.

[Skyler123]

The keyword is HAD. They HAD a committed relationship, and for whatever reason they ended them and no longer wanted to pursue them anymore. That's the difference between a player and a good guy. A good guy will stick it out until he finds that special somone who wants to spend a life time with them while a player just wants to hit it and quite it. Even if they were in a committed relationship it still does not mean that they were mature enough to handle what entails in a relatiosnhip.

[-Asmo-]

In my opinion it depends on the player. I personally feel it is more an issue of morality than maturity but I can see where you are coming from.

[Skyler123]

Well don't morality and maturity come hand in hand though? I always thought they did any way. I could be missing something though. :P

[-Asmo-]

damn. you're tenacious huh? :P they do to some degree in my opinion, as in as when you grow older you should learn to do everything better. However, by that assertion anything that is wrong is immature. Facets of people's personalities that are in some way imperfect such as anger, obsession, lust, fear, dependence, excessive risk, over-cautiousness, heck even love etc. are also immature and then we eventually start categorising everyone as immature. :P I could be missing something though :P

[Skyler123]

No I'm not tenacious. I said that out of complete uncertainty. I COULD be missing something. I don't know. I am on this site to learn just as you are. That's my goal here. Not trying to label you or anything.

[-Asmo-]

I understand and I didn't mean to because offense. It was meant in good humour. I apologize if you were offended.

[AshlynGrace]

I think its awesome if a guy wants to be nice and stick to one girl but its hard and that's just got for guys but us girls too. I find it hard to stick to one guy. I haven't had a real relationship in three years and now there is a guy I would maybe like to get in a relationship with but I still flirt and hang out with other guys and have my friends with benefits waiting in the wings.

[-Asmo-]

Yeah, its hard to change and half of it just becomes so natural anyway. Do you find you tend to lose your conscience to some degree somewhere amongst everything or do you still manage to do the right thing?

[AshlynGrace]

I stopped having a conscience long ago. I only feel bad when I really think about it but other than that playing around is second nature to me and with that comes lying. I don't even realize it when I do it. The guy that possibly wants a relationship with me asked when the last time I had sex was and I said back in the spring but really it was two days ago. It just slipped out. I save face as an instinct.

[-Asmo-]

Yeah, I know the feeling and then when people find out its a lie, you manipulate your way out of the situation and somehow everything keeps holding together.

[AshlynGrace]

Oh my god! Story of my life! It doesn't matter what I do I always get away clean from it. No matter how bad it was, I can't believe people can be so stupid. Sometimes I kind of wish I didn't get away. I don't want to be like this its just the way I act and react.

[dx021]

haha people want to believe in the best in ppl, they don't realize how shady things really are

[FrancoBattiato]

'I can't believe people can be so stupid.' Never confuse trust and faith with stupidity. You're only fooling yourself by lying to others, when the truth outs, and it always does, you'll regret your actions tremendously. Best act in such a way you won't have to lie, because you'll know you're in the right.

[AshlynGrace]

Dude its not a switch you can turn off. I started being a playette after I got broken up with three years ago and I was really hurt. Best way not to get your heart broken is prented you don't have one. I don't want to get in a relationship because I don't want to get hurt. Too many players out there.

[-Asmo-]

Yeah, it isn't as easy to just switch off those things that have become so natural to you and as Ashlyn says people have their reasons for becoming and doing what they do.

[dx021]

True ... everyone does have their reasons for being the way they are... however, in the end, we carry the choices we've made with us and can't get away from them.

life is fun

[Prof_Don]

"Best way not to get your heart broken is prented you don't have one."

Sounds like the answerer is a damaged person.

Reminds me of this ? that I asked a few weeks ago:

link

[Prof_Don]

To the answerer:

Are you fearful of relationships because you know that the guys you're mainly attracted to are "players"?

[AshlynGrace]

You can call me Ashlyn ir Ash whichever you perfer. I don't date guys I am attracted to, its the opposite. I date guys who want a relationship. Its a one sided relationship basically. I don't want them but they want me, I don't get attatched but they do. I don't want to be like this anymore. I actaully do want to have a stable relationship where there are no games its just hard for me to calm myself and tear down the defensive walls I put up.

[-Asmo-]

I had a friend who tried giving a relationship a serious shot, the girl was a nerdy quiet girl too. I told him, try making this one last. She came to me and said, sh*t, I think he wants something serious, that's not what I am looking for. She dumped him that night. It's not as simple as oh, be less of a player, you'll love it, there are probably three groups, players, those played, and those who end up in a relationship where they both have similar intentions...

[-Asmo-]

If you stop being a player, then you are more likely to get played, so you can't really recommend it, and if someone got hurt then of course they will avoid being in that position again.

[AshlynGrace]

Thats what I want to avoid.

[Nelly-Nells]

Yea for me it was a bit hard to go from party-girl to serious relationship girl but I fount this one guy that mad it all worth it. I don't have him anymore but when I did it was worth it.

[-Asmo-]

Its good to hear that it was worth it. Did you find you gave up a lot of your bad habits automatically or you kind of slipped back into them?

[Nelly-Nells]

I gave them all up he made me relize I need to get my act together and that hopefully sometime in the future I can try and get him back

[FrancoBattiato]

I'm happy to be the nice guy and be overlooked, because I just see it as dodging bullets when a girl would overlook me for being nice haha. World is going to sh*t anyway, nothing really matters anymore. But I'd rather go out in a calm, gentlemanly fashion than go out like an animal, f***ing anything with a pulse. But that really is just me and a few others.

[THAT-1-guy]

im with you

[Distant]

How odd. I'm contemplating going from nice guy to playboy. I've found that there are little to no perks to being nice besides that you go home with the satisfaction that you were nice to people. I'm looking for something a little different in my life, at the moment.

[-Asmo-]

well, there is obviously a lot of satisfaction from being a playboy but you end up kind of selfish and brutal in my opinion, like backstabbing, lying and manipulative and I'm trying to move away from it.

[Distant]

I guess the key is finding the balance between the two. I'm not enjoying being overlooked by all girls my age due to being so nice though. Need a change of pace. Switch places?

[-Asmo-]

Haha, if only it were that easy. The problem tends to be though that the more of an a**h*le you are, the more successful you are and the longer you're a playboy the better you get at it, and the worse as a person you become. But good luck with finding a balance. It took a lot for people to show me the errors of my ways and I'm still trying to figure out how to break these habits.

[-Asmo-]

Haha, I sound like some rehabilited druggy, it's not all bad, women, parties, rich friends, exclusive clubs, plenty of respect (at least that was my experience) but it comes with its disadvantages and I'm trying to be a better person, lets put it that way.

[Distant]

No need to explain yourself to me :P I can see the pros and cons of both sides. Though I believe I'm experiencing "Grass is greener" syndrome at the moment XD

[kianamia]

i feel the same except I'm a girl you know...being the nice sweet one doesn't get you much.

[Anonymous]

Lol, I just did the attitude change from nice guy to playboy. Well, still working on it, but I made a few huge steps. And it is hard, to change your attitude on such a huge issue, but it can be done if something happens that's important enough to shake you up.

[-Asmo-]

haha, I'm swimming against the tide here. Well good luck with things as well. :P

[kady4e]

i see that as an impossible thing...

As my grandma says - ''what's born crooked will never get straight!''

[Quarty]

That's the best line I've ever heard.

[Giogiogio2011]

Thats also a good line to use for someone who wants to date a gay person Lmao

[kady4e]

that works for every situation...

[rickyjoebobby]

Nice means a lot of things. You can be a sexy mother f***er and still have a heart.

I've drifted back and forth over the years, kind of depending on my own situation (was I moving soon, staying in one place for a long time, etc).

[-Asmo-]

Yeah, its true, but I think girls still like some of that bad boy thing like my ex used to always make light of the fact that I was so popular yet she had me... kinda thing.

[Giogiogio2011]

Thats why I don't date them!

I don't need any Bs drama in my life because someone is having a "Hard" time being an adult while expecting me to be mr perfect.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to be a d*** to be a playboy... Not being a d*** is generally the same as being a nice guy right? Just be clear of your intentions and most women won't mind that much really.

[-Asmo-]

maybe so... maybe I was in too deep. But mucking around with people's feelings is pretty much being a d*** to some degree isn't it?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes. That's why you don't promise them more then you're willing to keep.

[DiamondKutt]

I'm a party girl but I'm still a nice girl that doesn't mind being in serious relationships. I guess it just depends on the person.

[Anonymous]

hard? not at all- life is about change and growing up

[Hasabrain]

I don't know about other girls but I don't like playboys, I'm a party girl myself and it turns me off seeing those kind of guys. I would easily change my lifestyle if I met a nice guy.

[Anonymous]

Idk if guys find it less sexy but I was a party girl hardcore for about a year and I met someone who made me want to not be like that. Now I wear my short dresses and use my ways on him instead :P

[Anonymous]

I would say it could be hard. It's about self control and personal improvement. If it's something you want to better yourself then I would say it's worth the change. And honestly I think girls like a bad boy that will be good for them. They like players that will be serious and faithful to them. They like to see a guy do a 180 behavior change for them. It's a really big turn on in my opinion

[Anonymous]

It's almost extremely rare for someone to just suddenly stop being the "player" type. However, when you find the right person for you I know a lot of people tend to change their ways.. Me personally, I like nice guys with a bad boy type of edge or vice versa. (:

[Anonymous]

It depends what the bad habit is, if it's dipping, smoking or excessive drinking then that's not cool at all! If you're a player and you break that habit for the girl then you may just have her wrapped around your finger. Still play a little hard to get because girls get bored easily. For a girl to break her habit, if she won't change for you then maybe she isn't worth it.

[Bojangles3]

I like nice guys and playboys... But it seems playboys always steal my heart. If the playboy turned into a nice guy once I fell for him though, I'd greatly appreciate it.

And yes, it is VERY hard to change your ways. People are creatures of habit.

[Anonymous]

It's near impossible to change your core personality

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it's a rough start people having to drop their old habits but if they're truly into that person they'll try and make it work!

[Anonymous]

It depends on what type of friends that ur staying with. And playboy is sexy ofc but no girl will ever want to have a serious and long relationship with playboys.

[Anonymous]

Its not that hard when ure doin it for the one u love .. But unfortunatly its gonna kinda stick on yu that u are a playboy .. But if she really loves she'll trust u

[Anonymous]

Its not hard. You just need to act differently is all. But keep in mind, people that already know ur old habits are probably not going to believe that you became a nice guy until after a while.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to go from a party girl to a nice girl but guys respect it more

[blacksheep824]

Why would you want to be a nice guy?

[-Asmo-]

In my case, I became too much of an a**hole and I want to try and be a better person, screw people over less, not live off so many lies and so much bull.

[Anonymous]

sure when one get get herpes

[Anonymous]

Maybe, it reallllly depends on the circumstance.

[Anonymous]

You have to try and give it a lot of attention