My boyfriend is angry that I'm sad often, and I'm in depression, what to do?

[Anonymous]

I am depressed, I think about suicide - my boyfriend of course doens't know it,

But sometimes I feel so sad that I start to cry when I'm with him , he asks what happened and I tell him how sad I'm but he's always like" get over it" I didn't think you would be so " " I thought you are bold enought"

Or that he's tired that I'm sad so often - which makes me only more sad.

I wish he just hug me and say that everything would be OK and let my cry .. I don't need anything else. But I can understand my bad mood may irritate him because he's funny , always happy guy - and I used to be so when we met.

But I'm really depressed , I think so often that I want to die.. I can't act with him like I'm always happy:( I don't know what should I do ? Is any way he could understand me?

[goldgunsgirls]

It's not even like "it can get better". It really is "it gets better". Your life changes shape, you create new relationships, get stronger yourself, and overall find more meaning in your life than you thought there was before. (Random tip that could help you a bit: Try answering some questions on here for people who need actual help. It could help make you feel better and more of value to know that you're helping others.)

There's nothing to be ashamed of. It wasn't your fault - anyone can go through depression. You said yourself that you used to be the happiest person there was. I did too before I got depressed, and now I'm happy and /satisfied/ with my life again. When you talk with your boyfriend, mention that you've begun cutting yourself. Cutting yourself is no mild thing, trust me. I used to think it was when I did it a few times but I began to realize how dumb it was for me to ruin my own body and give myself scars that I now completely regret. It escalates to the point where if you want to stop you might be able to for a bit but after a while you have to go back to it, kind of like an addiction (I never got that bad, but someone very very close to me did). Before you do it again, think about if it's really the best thing for you to do and if it's really what you want. It only gives you very temporary relief, but at least in my experience, before long I'm stuck regretting it and hating myself even more for doing it and wishing someone would see me doing it so that they could realize that I needed help. It really was just a cry for help from me now that I think about it - I wanted someone, hopefully in my family, to see my scars or see me in the act so that they could realize how serious my situation was and how much I just needed some love. And thinking about it that way, it's not hard to see that I could've accomplished the same thing just by explaining my situation and its severity properly to them rather than scarring myself permanently in the process. You say that you don't know how to stop. For something like this temporary solutions are adequate as long as you're working on permanent solutions to your depression. What worked for me was having a rubber band around my wrist and flicking it when I wanted to cut myself, and an even better one was thinking of someone I loved and how I was hurting them by cutting myself before the act.

It sounds like your personal relationships are a big part of your depression. If your own mother can't sympathize with you and assumes you're trying to emotionally blackmail her, that's not a very healthy relationship and causes lots of stress. And when it's someone as close to you as your mother, it can really be stressful and it's really important to try to fix the situation and get her to understand (that is, if you know that your mother has the potential to be considerate to you; otherwise, if your mother is more, well, abusive, for lack of a better word, I would just try to distance myself from her).

[Asker]

Thank you, your words really helped me and gave me hope, I feel better knowing that someone was in similar situation and it changed for better , because I felt like it won't/can't get better and best way to end it is death, so you gave me much hope .

[Asker]

I feel similar when cutting myself , I want someone to see me doing it and help me .. but then I hide my scars and nobody can see it.

Sometimes I feel so emotional wreck that I just have to do soemthing with it - and I hurt myself, I don't know what could I do instead , it's like feeling that I hate myself and I have urge to hurt myself .

[Asker]

Yes I would like someone to know about it , to tell me how to resolve my problems, just be for me and tell me that it would get better .. But I don't know who I could tell about it , I am afraid to tell my mother again and I'm afraid my boyfriend would think I'm crazy or leave me ( which would only make things worse) , and friends - I don't know how they would react , do you think I should tell someone ?

[goldgunsgirls]

I'm glad you see hope now :).

Exactly. I did the same thing. I'd hide my scars. But once in a while I'd make them visible and then be disappointed when nobody would say anything about it.

But that's the thing. You feel like you really want to hurt yourself. But you don't see the other options. Even if it's something like going and doing pushups or going for a run, there are much better temporary ways to get rid of your stress.

[goldgunsgirls]

Definitely tell your boyfriend. Right now, he's not making you feel good. So you need to deal with that, and the only way for you to deal with it is to have him understand your situation fully and not just scoff at it. Sit him down sometime, and tell him everything, even about cutting. And explain how much you need him and his comfort and love. Say you wanna get better but you'll need his help to.

[goldgunsgirls]

Chances are he won't leave you. But if he does, that won't be as a result of telling him. He's already dissatisfied with the situation, and probably already thinking of leaving you. But if you tell him your full situation, he'll understand more and most likely stop thinking about leaving you. Otherwise, he'll leave you anyway and you won't get the help you need or the boyfriend you want.

If you do want to tell your friends or family, tell them you're depressed but don't mention the cutting.

[goldgunsgirls]

How's it going?

[goldgunsgirls]

You need to tell him how you feel. Honestly, I don't mean to offend anyone right now but the way he reacts to your crying makes him seem like a douche. I can understand that it can be tiring having a girlfriend who used to be chirpy all the time but somehow became depressed. But he needs to get over it and realize you need help and love. And YOU need to realize that there's so much to live for. It's okay to be depressed. It's just a phase. But don't think about suicide. I know it's a total cliché but it does really get better. Depression doesn't last forever. I know that from experience. It's just a result of lots of stress in your life.

I was depressed once. And yeah I did think that I wouldn't really care if I died. But I didn't actually WANT to die. I just didn't feel like living or dying you know haha? Anyway it got a lot better and now I'm happy as ever. Same circumstances as when I was depressed. Difficult family life mostly. But I got over it and I'm happy again. Look to your friends for help. And try going up to your boyfriend and telling him about your depression and why you're depressed. Tell him you're thinking about suicide because it sounds like if you don't tell him that, then he won't take you seriously. Tell him you really need lots of love from him and explain that you really need his help. You don't necessarily need a therapist or something (who knows, you might, but there's a good chance you don't... but it all depends on your exact situation of course), but you do need his comfort and solace.

Hope things get better soon. And please don't make any rash decisions. Think about what you're doing, and make sure you talk to lots of people (even online if you don't wanna talk to people in real life about it) before you decide to do anything serious, no matter what it is - drugs, cutting, suicide. Stay away from anything bad, because at this point in your life, what you really need is positive influences.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer. It's good to hear that it can get better. Maybe I should tell him , but I can't be sure how he react , I'm afraid he would think it's an emotional blackmail , because my mother thought so when I tried to tell her once about my depression. He could also think like this. And maybe I feel ashamed that I'm not strong enough , but I can try tell him . I already started cutting myself , I feel big relief doing it , I know it's not normal :( don't know how to stop

[goldgunsgirls]

It's not even like "it can get better". It really is "it gets better". Your life changes shape, you create new relationships, get stronger yourself, and overall find more meaning in your life than you thought there was before.

(Random tip that could help you a bit: Try answering some questions on here for people who need actual help. It could help make you feel better and more of value to know that you're helping others.)

[goldgunsgirls]

There's nothing to be ashamed of. It wasn't your fault - anyone can go through depression. You said yourself that you used to be the happiest person there was. I did too before I got depressed, and now I'm happy and /satisfied/ with my life again.

Well, it sounds like your personal relationships are a big part of your depression. If your own mother can't sympathize with you and assumes you're trying to emotionally blackmail her, that's not a very healthy relationship and causes lots of stress.

[goldgunsgirls]

You know what I'm just gonna write another answer cause it's getting kinda complicated putting all of my thoughts into several comments haha. I'll copy my first two comments.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't care about you. dump him, being with a guy who isn't understanding or considerate of how you feel will only make your depression worse. maybe you should be by yourself and try to focus on bettering you and not have a relationship right now