My boyfriend has depression: what should I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 10 months. I care about him a lot and am very happy with him.

He recently told me that he is very depressed. He wasn't when we first started dating, but a mixture of things made him feel down.

For the past three months he's been quite sick, which is horrible for someone as active and lively as him. he's also living alone, and as an extrovert he needs more social time.

He assures me that I add only positivity into his life, and am not apart of the problem.

Is there anything I can do? Anything i shouldn't do?

I'd love to hear from people with experience in this situation.

[MothMonsterMan]

Take it from someone who has been there. Sadly, only your boyfriend can make himself get the help he needs if he's truly depressed. You can try to reason with him all day and tell him he needs help, but it won't do any good until he is ready. Now if he's threatening to harm himself in some way, then you need to take stronger measures and tell him he needs help, and you will be glad to go with him if he prefers.

Otherwise, Let him know you're there for him, but you also can't let him drag you down. If he insists on locking himself away (I've done that too), you may have to let him go. Just treat him the same as best you can. A lot of times when I was suffering from depression, the fact that everyone still tried to get me to go places, etc, meant a lot to mean. They never said "Oh we know you're depressed, why don't you get out of the house, it will make you feel better." They'd just say "Hey we're going here, want to come?" I would turn them down sometimes, but inside it still helped.

[AleDeEurope]

I had depression for two yeara but dealt with it on my own, but I wished I had a girlfriend that would care about me. So my advice for you is to stick close to him, keep showing him you love him and that he makes you happy. Ask him what can you do to help him get out of that situation.

[Zendrya]

From the perspective of the person with depression in the relationship let him rant and vent because if he bottles it up it is going to be worse. Complement him because with depression comes self-loathing and we need to hear that people don't hate us as much as we hate ourselves. Don't ever say he is being silly or he needs to get over it because if he is willing to talk to you about stuff it shows a lot of trust and by saying those things you will ruin that trust. Push him towards therapy. My boyfriend told me that my depression was really stressing him out and he didn't know how to help. He said he thought trying therapy again would be good. I have an appointment in a few weeks. It is okay to point out when he is being too negative. It will encourage him to try and be more positive.

[Asker]

This is really helpful - thank you so much!

[Zendrya]

no problem. good luck :)

[Zendrya]

absolutely :) Thanks for the MH

[Anonymous]

I've experienced the situation. Just be there for him if he needs to talk, vent, rant, complain. Let him know he has someone who cares. Constantly remind him of that. If he needs advice, do your best to give it. Whenever my boyfriend got bad anxiety I would share with him different calming techniques that I found on the internet (when we weren't together). You can try something similar. Also, make sure he's getting the help he needs. My boyfriend had to do weekly counselling sessions and I offered to go with him, you should do the same. My boyfriend went on anti-depressants and he's doing a lot better now (about one year later). As long as he has your full support, he should be able to get help and start feeling better. Good luck with everything!

[Asker]

Its hard not to feel like I have something to do with it when it only started after we got together. I think small town life and not hanging out with friends as much is the main reason, so I'm going to support/encourage him moving to the city.

Also, how do I balance between asking how he is v helping distract him from it all.

[Opinion Owner]

I felt the same way, like it was somehow my fault. But keep in mind, if you made him THAT upset, he probably would not be with you.

And only ask him how he is if you are unsure. If you know he's sad, don't bring it up more, just try to distract him. (Unless something is going on that he might need to talk about)

[Asker]

Alright, thank you :)

[gblue25]

I'll say spend a little more time together even spend the night so he won't be alone. If it doesn't work tell him he should seek help. This is from my experience.

[Asker]

He says (and I agree) that he doesn't want to depend on me for comfort and happiness. I do spend 2-3 nights a week with him though.

[CellLuddite]

Had you tried educating yourself on depression? Maybe read a book instead of trying to get help from random internet know nothings?

[Asker]

I want to hear about real life experience, not ridiculous self help books.

[Anonymous]

Give this man a threesome

[Asker]

Lol I assure you our sexual relationship isn't lacking at all