Should I stay with my boyfriend if he slapped me in the face?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I had a really bad argument yesterday and honestly both of us were at fault and did things that we shouldn’t have. I was severely upset and had an anxiety attack during our conversation which made me shut down and only made things worse. When we’ve argued before he’s thrown me on the bed or pinned me down. But that’s usually to calm me down because we’re arguing and then I have a anxiety or panic attack. But last night when he pinned me down, I said something about not being good enough and he slapped me in the face. It wasn’t hard, I don’t have any marks nor does it hurt and he obviously held back. But, if I’m being honest, he’s slapped me in the bedroom before for kink reasons but he’s never actually slapped me to slap me for non-intamate reasons. So I do think it was a mistake, and he didn’t actually mean it. The main problem is that he takes my depression and anxiety personally, that if he can’t make me happy then he doesn’t deserve to live. And I’ve told him to go to therapy about it, and also I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist to help with my depression and anxiety. But I’m on too low of a dose so that’s why I haven’t been handling it to the best that I could. Also, he has depression and anxiety and used to be medicated but stopped, so I honestly feel like I shouldn’t break up with him and he just needs to start seeing someone again. But I’m conflicted because he’s honestly the nicest person in the world but he just needs to sort out past issues, current issues, and personal issues in therapy again. Also, once I’m on a higher dosage of medication which I’m scheduled to see my psychiatrist and psychologist next week then I’ll be able to manage my depression and anxiety with techniques so it won’t be an issue for myself or for him. What do you think?

[lumos]

Sorry but I think your relationship sounds extremely toxic and unhealthy. Slapping you is never ok. Neither is throwing you onto or pinning you to the bed, even if you claim he's "usually" doing it to "calm you down". The both of you seem to not be in a good enough mental state where you're capable of having a long-term relationship. I'm not saying that people who are mentally ill in some way aren't allowed to be in a relationship. I suffer from anxiety myself and I've been depressed in the past. But when your mental illnesses are affecting your relationship to the point where you're making really impulsive and destructive decisions, such as slapping your partner or behaving irrationally, it's not healthy anymore. It's not good for him or you.
My personal opinion is that you should break up, and that the both of you should work on your issues separately. Clearly they're seeping into the relationship and making it harder for the both of you.

[Juliaholman03]

Its one thing to be slapped during intercourse (if thats what your into) but there is absolutely no excuse to slap you outside of the act. That is an implicit rule that all men should know. Because it hapens in the sheets doesn't mean it is fine to happen in the streets

[Hidden_P]

It’s not okay.

You should definitely speak, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this is just the start given he suffers the same issues he should understand you rather than abuse you.

Speak to your specialists.

[HP992]

It sounds like the two of you aren't right for each other, honestly. If you both have problems with depression and anxiety and emotions, you could end up in a dark spiral. These are things you have to talk to each other about, and talk to your doctor about. He has to know your concerns and feelings, and your doctor has to know if you are still experiencing problems. If this isn't something the two of you can confront honestly and openly, you will only end up hurting each other, emotionally or physically, in the end.

[Anon85]

He messed up. He's watching you lose control and freak out in front of him - I'm sure he was just trying to do what he thought was best to snap you back to reality. It's not something to break up with him over. Just tell him if you can't get a grip on yourself to make sure he doesn't take it to far. What you guys need is communication

[Anonymous]

First of all, make it clear that this isn't fine at all.
You seem to have a very honest relationship.
I didn't think I'd say that just by looking at the title, but maybe you could give him a second chance if you make it clear that he won't have a third one.

[LickitySplit67]

Think! Assess the situation thoroughly. Make your decision based on factors that we can't determine but you can

[Kylesar]

He's unstable
Either get him help or leave him

Your depression and anxiety should NEVER be all about him

[CheekyPaws]

TL;DR the whole thing but read enough to say this, there is no good excuse for violence. Reading the rest wouldn't change my point of view! He needs to go...

[Anonymous]

My dad did that to his girlfriend, and it still hurts my heart. I told him that if he does it again, I'm calling the police. You should too. If you let it happen, it will get worse.

[Sir_Diamond_Nipples]

I don't think it is my place to decide if you stay or not but I would really consider and think about everything

[Juxtapose]

No lol.. I don't care what someone's excuses if they are not defending themselves or somebody else they have no fucking right to resort to violence.

Fuck that guy.

[Hornyguy7763]

If he slaps you in the bedroom for sexual reasons and you like it, that is fine. He should never hit you outside of that context though. Maybe you need to explain the difference to him because it’s not ok.

[Anonymous]

in my opinion need a meditation break for both, if you can't help each other atm then it may get worse and go against psycho treatments

[JustMe_78]

Nope. Striking, or even aggressively putting your hands on a woman is ridiculous. Get out now. If you stay, you're opening yourself up to an escalation

[Anonymous]

If this was a nice guy... she'd have left him already...

[biryavi]

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

[markxcds]

More like she would never have been with him in the first place.

[Opinion Owner]

@markxcds Hahahahaa, good point. Funny... but true.

[HappyWheels]

If things have gotten physical like you said, it's time to leave.

[jacquesvol]

A once in a while mistake can be pardoned.
If it's recurring, do NOT stay with him.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s a good idea to stay with him... at least take some space!

[Rey29]

No you have to leave him. You answered the question in the post- Both you and him need to sort out your own issues. Take a break. Also the fact that he pinned you/slapped you is enough to leave

[Anonymous]

Well, i dont think you are in a healthy relationship. I think that you won't be in a good relationship until you dont take care of yourselves first.

[Anonymous]

I thought girls wanted guys to act like that though? Isn't that alpha behavior?

[biryavi]

If people you go to for advice tell you women like being hit, please for your sake and the sake of the women in your life now and in the future, please stop listening to those people. The whole alpha and beta shit is bullshit

[Opinion Owner]

Not being hit but the domineering behavior

[Opinion Owner]

Better to be to too forceful than not enough I thought

[biryavi]

No it's definitely not better to be too aggressive. That's highly subjective and varies from person to person. That kind of attitude could get you into some shitty situations, be careful lol

[Opinion Owner]

I mean this guy hots her and she's with him, I wouldn't want to hit a girl but no one's with me. So isn't his behavior the right way?

[biryavi]

I don't know if you read everything in the original post but their relationship is not healthy in the least bit. Just because someone is in a relationship doesn't mean it's healthy or sustainable. Women are all different people. Just because one woman is with one certain type of guy doesn't mean that every woman (or even many women) will respond the same way to certain behavior.

[biryavi]

But no his behavior is completely unacceptable. Not even addressing the hitting but the way OP described how he handles his partner's anxiety and panic attacks is absolutely the wrong way to do it.

[reptocarl]

Not only no but fuck no

[Ahmadoz]

No , You should to leave him

[nina2992]

No. if he did it once he is going to do it again.