Health & Fitness

Depression? What should I do?

We met eachother 5 months ago. Became boyfriend and girlfriend about 3 weeks ago and We broke up only 4 days ago. long story short he was afraid to say it wouldn't work and realised he wasn't in love with me but wanted to be in my life and could risk losing me so i accepted his friendship. I planned to hangout with him tomorrow and just canceled because although at the time i was certain i was over it because i too realised i loved him but was not in love. I still love him but am afraid when i see him, that its too soon? And the wound has to heal. So i feel horrible for having canceled go to the mall and shopping with him tomorrow as "friends" he said he wanted to be there for me like no one else, well, no one knows how sad i really am inside, im stressed about school, family and work. I often feel like dying. I tried reaching out to him after canceling for tomorrow and he's ignore me. We just moved to this place and I have no friends. I have moved 5 times in my life and each place i find change to be hard so i get more depressed. I have nobody. He is my only friend and i feel terrible for being a burden i also feel terrible that he hadn't messaged back. Im venting to ease the guilt and pain. Im sorry,
Updates
+1 y
I hide behind a smile. When i am around family and other i am myself.. I feel happy. Its just when I get by myself in my room alone i think of every possible thing wrong and i contemplate suicide
Updates
+1 y
I might have scared him away. We once talked about this and i mentioned my story as "past tense" and he mentioned he went through it before. I thought he would be understanding so i reached out to him. I hate being referred to as his "ex" now that he considers me his friend
Depression? What should I do?
Post Opinion