How can I stay single forever?

[Anonymous]

I'm 20, and in my experience, all men I know are the same. From my dad to cousins, friends and ex. They're all into looking at other women, checking out porn, etc. I know people say this is normal, but *I* can't accept it, no matter you saying they love us just the same, they're visual, it's healthy, etc. It still bothers me. If it doesn't bother you, then please refrain from posting if all you're going to do is call me stupid. I know I'm abnormal for feeling like this, but it is what it is, and to save any man I could go out with/marry one day and myself some grief, I prefer to stay single forever, as I'd be too obnoxious and insecure to be with. Look, I'm ugly and I know it, a lot of people know it and have let me know. There's nothing I can do to change it, it's genetic. I know looks aren't everything, but it sure hurts when you know you're far from being "all that" and then you see your guy checking out porn or some sexy girl walking by. It just hurts. Again, please refrain from posting if all you're going to do is tell me how I'm wrong for feeling like this and how you're so open minded that you're so ok with it... that's not constructive for me. It's very hard for me to be in a relationship if I know I'm ugly and there are millions of gorgeous girls around, it's discouraging, especially since males around me of all ages are always mocking bad looking people (I assume they must make jokes about me behind my back).

So how can I stay single forever? Eventually I'll want affection, so how can I cope with that? What can I do? I give up, it's too hard for someone like me, with so many hang ups and who's been heartbroken over this so many times in my life, to try to date again. Sorry, but people are shallow, no matter how politically correct we try to be about relationships, people (men and women) are shallow.

[EasyEC]

There are billions of people on this planet. Do you have any idea how much sex was involved to create that many people? Those people who were less interested in sex...well they tend not to have children (who might've also genetically adopted their parent's genes or be discouraged from having sex).

If it's important for you to not have sex until you're convinced the guy likes you for many other reasons and will stick around, I encourage you to continue with this personal value. However, I think you're being unfair to chastise all men.

If you look at the world around you, you'll notice just how much feminine sex appeal is promoted. Movies are constantly showing men falling in love with women based on looks. Fashion shows and magazine ads and even women walking around in plain daylight reinforce female sex appeal. Push-up bras, form fitting clothes, skin products, etc. etc. Imagine yourself growing up as a boy seeing and experiencing everything for the first time. Culture makes female sex appeal blinding. Men are often called dogs. Perhaps part of this is because they've been trained to be.

I suggest you date guys, being sure not to meet/go to places where having sex is probable. Just like women, there are many different types of guys. You'll figure out how to better recognize those guys that don't really care about (only sex). You'll also figure out better how to recognize those guys that *do* care about you, and how you can better attract them.

[l-hedoniste]

I don't think you're stupid--you punctuate too much to be a moron. And there's no such thing as wrong feelings, just wrong acts.

It is, though, always a mistake to blame porn for your problems, and I'm sure you realize that you have a significant self-esteem issue, and if porn was wiped from the earth tomorrow, the issue would remain, complicating all your relationships until you decided to attack it directly, rather than looking for its outside source.

P.S.: I'm hope you're aware that staying single forever won't fix your self-esteem issue, either, and might go a long way toward making it worse.

[Asker]

It's not just porn, it's the fact I'm downright ugly and I know, and I've been told too many times and even "regular" girls are more attractive. I know how shallow people are. I just don't want to feel bad every time a more attractive woman, porn or a sexy ad is up. Which is TOO often. I'd feel like crap. I'm ugly. Not plain looking, but downright UGLY. I can't compete.

[l-hedoniste]

When a guy decides to have a serious relationship he's doesn't measure hotness; . He makes a character judgement:

What will a household with her be like? Will she age gracefully? Can I be the father of her child? Can she, the mother of mine? When the worst happens--and it touches us all--will I want to split the soup can with her?

Hot pieces of ass come and go. But a firm ally, a partner in all things? Good luck finding ONE from your first day to your last.

Get that right, and you win.

[Simple-Simonette]

Are you asking how to cope with being single or how not to be in a relationship? Because you know, it's a choice. Just don't be in a relationship.

As for coping with being without a partner - just learn to accept your life. There are thousands of people who are single and stay single. They fill their lives with activities and friends. Just because you don't want a man to love you, doesn't mean you should expect no one to love you. Have platonic relationships - but make sure you remember that this way of life was a choice YOU made. Blaming the entire male race for the f*** ups of a few isn't very fair. And thinking that you're too unattractive to deal with the typical male is a conclusion you came up with on your own. It would do you good to drop the bitterness and recognize that this was a life you chose. Life isn't just defined by your lovers, it can be quite fulfilling with good friends, good tequila (only if you're old enough to drink!), and a good book now and then.

Good luck.

[katiegal]

I agree,u be a strong woman,but to be honest,even strong women need love and caring(not sex even),just a person near them in difficult times of their lifes and in good times to share the happiness with. I dunno...i also thought like this sometimes,as I'm unbeliviably unlucky and picky or somethin',but I still think there are guys out there who really could love me for me .

[Anonymous]

I agree with you. Men can be pigs (most of them). And you don't need to be married to have affection. You can be a strong woman and maybe adopt a child someday, you don't need a man to have a family. Maybe raise a boy and raise him right. Raise him to respect women and their feelings.

[Little-Hippie]

There are plenty of men willing to treat a woman right and stand out from the other men.

You're a woman and thus are incapable of noticing that these men exist.

SO, might I suggest you become a nun?