Why does a guy just stop all communications without saying goodbye

[angeleyes123]

Just wondering why? I thought he was mature and could at least have the balls to say good bye ... isn't that childish?

Updates

+1 y

hurt and sad that I meant that little to him :(

Updates

+1 y

Had sometime to think about the nature of our relationship, and even though I don't agree on how he handled the situation and I would have like to at least have been able to say " Thank you for all that you taught me, the affection, the laughs, the sharing of our lives, even though your not part of my life anymore you will always be in my heart and I will miss you dearly. I understand that cutting me out was something they had to do .

Updates

+1 y

all I want is for him to have said good bye, whether or not he felt it was irrelevant. he knew I had trust issues when I first starting talking to him, now with him doing this to me my trust issues not only got worse but now I am scared to get close to anyone, why can't two people just be friends and not have it go into being a physical relationship?

[kay18]

I am a female I am young girl my so called boyfriend lives with me his mother passed away so I took him in I live in Nevada but travel back and fourth to LA I was in LA and was supposed to wait on my boyfriend to come back but I told him I would go back home we were supposed to meet in LA to take care of some things so I left home he new I was coming I told him so I get home he is gone all his things is there but a bag back fool of cloths and his five year old daughter cloths are all gone and his mother remains he loves his mother and takes her remains if he leaves too far but to make this long story short its been a week since the 16th we had a minor disagreement and I haven't heard from him since he avoids my calls and it isn't like him my question is what do I do I can't sleep and we have been together for almost 6years come August is he with someone else and just left me or what because this isn't like him I know he isn't hurt or in jail because he keeps contact with his siblings I am confused and very sad I need closure and advise what's going on his phone just rings or cut off at times he is a Pieces man I read up on how dissapeiring they are but he's never went this long since we were teens without a word should I just leave it alone because I really want closure if he did leave do you think he will call eventually I am lost and I do everything for him so if there is another women how could he get anything I haven't provided or gave in the relationship he said he wanted to get married after us separating for three months and said he never wanted to be without me and now we are together look he has dissapeierd I am confused and he is almost 25 years old March 14 shame

[Anonymous]

i was wondering the same. I think that its pretty common unfortunately. guys and girls communicate differently, guys are not as into emotional expression as much as girls, and they express more through actions than girls do, while girls want to hear everything verbally.

therefore...a guy who just stops talking to you for an extended period of time (more than a few weeks) is telling you that he is done with you and doesn't want to talk to you anymore. it is childish, annoying, frustrating, insulting. but if he will just drop you like that, it's his loss and not yours.

i would think that most honorable guys who have had an extended relationship would have more decency than that. example if you were in a relationship or dated. it is pretty unfair to leave someone without closure. but some guys do that.

it's happening to me right now. we were never serious but we used to talk ALL the time as in daily and go out together at least every week. lately he had been talking less and now for the past week and a half I just have not heard from him. I'm really mad and insulted because the last conversation we had nothing bad happened and he was telling me that he wants to spend some time together (not sex time) and now he just disappeared.

i'm actually very angry, hurt, and resentful. I hate him a little bit.

but mature decent guys will not do this unless you really pissed them off. I don't think I did anything to piss him off but this guy has proved himself to be a scumbag so I am not surprised he is doing this.

try to move on, I know it hurts and really bothers you but someone who does this isn't worth your time.

[angeleyes123]

sorry we are both in this situation, thank you for your thoughts! I agree with you say, I do as well hate him a little but maybe that is what they want us to feel. sometimes men just don't understand us and we don't undertstand them. I didn't think I pissed him off ... honestly this really sucks but I will move on and mark it down as a lesson learned,

[Anonymous]

Ok so I was dating this guy for about 2 months and everything was just great! I Mean we would talk about serious things like maybe living together someday and me having his baby in the future.. I mean everything's was going well!!! Until one day he just started becoming distant and he wouldn't send me good morning or goodnight texts or call or any of that... Long story short, he just stopped contacting me out of nowhere. 3 weeks later, he finally texts me saying he misses me. I didn't reply. He kept calling me and after the forth call I picked up. We were talking and he was basically saying that he was sorry and that he wanted another chance.. I figured he would try to get me back and try to win me back or something but he didn't do anything.. He just called me after 3 weeks of no communication and disappeared again... So I want to know what y'all think might happen next?
Will he eventually contact me again? Or what?
Thank u in advanced

[Anonymous]

People are people with real emotions. If the two of you had a genuine connection and everything was going great, and then something is said to reject the other, they probably shut down. I think the closure was at that point. Perhaps there was a better way to handle things on both ends. However you must understand that words destroy . I do also believe this person cared and loved you deeply, and thus the complete drop from the face of the earth.

What did you expect on how one should act? With a thank you for tearing them apart?

You need closure, but isn't important to think what they need? After all they are the one that got hit w a bat to the head.

[Scoopie]

How do you mean he stopped 'all communications'? Do you mean like he stops abruptly stops messaging you without saying bye, or he just stopped contacting you at all?

Have you been talking to each other frequently? In person, online, texting?

Why don't you try contacting him? Perhaps he's hoping that you will initiate once in a while? Or does he ignore your messages?

A bit more background info could be useful.

[angeleyes123]

yes we talked frequently, on the phone, texting, online chatting for almost 2 months. we have a lot in common and thought we were each others soul mates. everything was going well until we video chatted for the first time, I told him he wasn't really my type physically but emotionally and spiritually we were perfect for each other. I understand that may have hurt him a little but I told him because we promised to always be truthful, and one must have physcial attraction as well, or am I wrong?

[Scoopie]

I understand you're hurt. There should of course be some physical attraction as well. He says he likes you as a person, but unfortunately not physically. It's still sweet that he admitted that, although he could have said that just to make you feel better. But you say you were each others soul mates, so it looks like he meant it. It sucks, but best would probably to go on with your life though.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do this, but I do move away from like online chats that are becoming tedious, such as when a girl wanted to use me as a free therapist, dumping all sorts of crap on me without accepting any back. They are the ones that always stopped communications after a while, not me. The vast majority of girls that are willing to just talk for extended periods are usually flaky and not really interested in the other party, they just like to pretend or fool themselves that they do, but they often come across as passive aggressive, liars or petty in the process of trying. That's just my experience, and why I don't bother with this sort of thing anymore.

[angeleyes123]

wish I would have known this before getting involved with online chats, us woman don't do these things on purpose its in our nature to open up to someone we are comfortable with and whom seem to understand us. Somehow we become labeled as being flacky, passive aggressive, or that we are pretending when actually what is going on is we truly care about that person and all that they are but sometimes life, fear, and moving to fast in a relationship makes us doubt our intentions.

[2EagleEyes]

Did you really piss him off? I was involved with a girl who absolutely pissed me off on a regular basis. I still cared for her but she drove me insane. The last night I saw her consisted of me taking her key off my ring and getting in my truck and leaving. She was a total bitch and not worthy of goodbye.

[angeleyes123]

i don't think I pissed him off, but who knows I never thought he would just stop all communications either with out even a good bye so maybe its possible that I did and I was not aware of it.

[2EagleEyes]

I have read your updates and I don't know what happened over that time period to turn him off. The girl I mentioned who I finally had to say enough is enough and left without looking back... I was so angry with her that I refused to give her the closure she really wanted. She texted me on two different occasions attempting closure. That was denied. I was hurt the relationship didn't work and I really wanted her. It was toxic though. That is the first time I left one in a cliff hanger

[angeleyes123]

thanks for your thoughts

[Moloch]

I don't know if he liked you or not.

Assuming he didn't: He stopped contacting you because he just wasn't interested, essays there to say goodbye about, that just makes things awkward.

Assuming he did: Something within the two month period turned him off, or he got the sense that you were not interested in him like he was with you.

[Moloch]

Nothing*

[angeleyes123]

yes he liked me, and I liked him. then we video chatted and it all went south. I wasn't attracted to him physically. Even though I love his personality, his views on life, almost every aspect of him but the physical attraction was not there, and its something that I feel is important and that may have made him think it was hopeless with me now and in the future. So I understand his reasoning for ending it but...at least give me a chance to say that I will always have a place in my heart

[Moloch]

If you didn't like him, then the second option is applicable - "He got the sense that you were not interested in him like he was with you." You made it clear to him that you were not attracted to him physically.

[angeleyes123]

i understand what your saying and it makes sense to me , but not even a good bye have a good life sorry it didn't work out? nothing... that is the part that I don't understand and maybe never will.

[Moloch]

Why would he say good-bye? You don't like him. He likes you. What's he gonna say? "Sorry you don't like me, but I really liked you. I guess this is goodbye." Like seriously, that's lame as hell and it sounds unmanly to be honest.

[angeleyes123]

i guess your right, seeing it from a guys perscpective. Woman need closure, need to know that everything is OK and that their are no hard feelings. Woman and Men are so different when it comes to these things. But I will take it for what it is.

[Moloch]

There ARE hard feelings. It hurts. How do you think that dude feels, knowing that everything was absolutely fine between you two, that you actually liked him - until you saw him face to face? That hurts. Better to just drop it than to keep poking a dead possum with a stick.

[angeleyes123]

Message received! I hurt too but apparently my feelings don't matter. I will chalk it up to being a great time and experience while it lasted and happy I had those few months knowing him, that I wish him the best and that one day he will find all 3 aspects in woman because he does deserve it and the woman who does get to share his life with him will be very lucky. my wish is for him to find her, and one day let me know that he has because that's all I ever wanted for him

[USGrant]

If he never liked you, fear of clinginess. If he did like you (eg, you were in a relationship), then pride.

[angeleyes123]

makes sense. thanks

[aMuse]

Goodbye is for when you are leaving a place you are attached to and is a message given to those that are deeply involved in your life. What happened between you two? If he's not talking to you anymore there's probably a reason.

[angeleyes123]

Its complicated, and maybe that is the reason why no goodbye. easier for him to just stop all contact with me, but I would have thought after 2 months of texting and talking on the phone everyday and sharing our deep secrets with each other that at least he could say good bye even though its hard to do. I just think its a easy way out. really.

[aMuse]

Talking is just talking... People lose interest or get frustrated with someone and move on if it's not working out. It's not really a goodbye situation anyway. You might run into each other somewhere and be like heh long time no see... He's just not interested in the situation. As you said it's complicated. Being complicated for just talk is more effort then the reward coming from it.

[aMuse]

It's totally understandable to walk away from a girl that you are just talking to who brings drama to your life and makes things complicated. 1) If you were interested in her for some sort of dating/relationship sort of thing, you're already fighting and having trouble before anything has even happened. You're not getting anywhere good with your effort. 2) If it's about being friends then it should be light hearted and easy. You shouldn't have to deal with someone starting crap with you, dumping

[aMuse]

emotional baggage on you all the time, being overly critical or mean to you, etc. You should just be able to have a fun time talking to them and doing things together.

[angeleyes123]

Understandable, thanks for your thoughts.

[emzy-89]

Short answer? Pure gutlessness. Even the ones who you think are mature run away like little boys with a second thought. They do it so they don't have to deal with the situation and they hope we'll just forget about it eventually. They're just idiots.

[britannny]

Because people suck.

Most people (not just men) are pretty spineless. So they are usually passive aggressive when it comes to things like this. Easier to deal with.

[Anonymous]

i think men also feel like they are doing a favour by cutting you off (even though they aren't) - they feel like you will both move on faster if you aren't able to talk or see each other

[Opinion Owner]

Ive had this happen to me before...i felt as though I couldn't move on until I have closure - but don't make the same mistake I did; just move on and know that he is not man enough to tell you what's going on.They usually come crawling back if you don't give them any attention, don't chase them, just work on yourself and keep yourself busy...

[angeleyes123]

thanks :)

[titoloco]

I don't say goodbye to people I have no connection to, Simple.

[angeleyes123]

Interesting, makes me think of a past relationship where I thought the guy was childish and gave me ulitmatiums but yet he said good bye Now this guy I'm talking about that never said goodbye he and I had a mature and open connection yet he couldn't say good bye? lol now who is the mature one.

[GoodBetterBestBad]

Women do the same thing. It's just a way to say, I don't LIKE you and I need space.

[number1nick123]

They just want to move on and couldn't care less what you thought about it. Confronting you would make it more difficult and may make them have a second thought.

[angeleyes123]

thanks, what you said also makes sense.

[Anonymous]

i read this a lot on this site, I've experienced too, and so have my friends. men are just weird!