Why does he avoid touching me?

[Shimmyshammy]

He has NO PROBLEM looking at, facing, or casually touching/being touched by other girls! Me? He stiffens, I only talk to the side of his head and he jumps when I ACCIDENTALLY touch him. He'll joke with me, say sexual innuendos to me in a low deep voice, tap his knee or fingers too. Without thinking he'll go to tap me and then suddenly realize and then stop himself awkwardly.

What is going on? I feel like an ugly toad or something. This happens only to me too.

Updates

+1 y

Also, I notice that when we get SUPER close, (he texts me all the time or quickly responds to me), or his sexual innuendos are non-stop, he SUDDENLY pulls back and stops talking to me, texting me, replying. He keeps going back and forth!

Updates

+1 y

And I guess he missed me?goofy night tonight and we both left and text eachother silly little things. He is a mystery!

[wildwolfxoxo]

It can be one of two things.
Either he really likes you and every time he gets too close he backs off because he doesn't want to turn you off or scare you away.
OR
He doesn't like you like that, and he thinks the little touches will give you the wrong idea, so he's trying to stay strictly friendly.

Honestly, playing games like that will drive you nuts after a while. And by playing games i mean trying to read each others mind rather than just having a conversation about it. Confidence is the sexiest thing ever, remember that. If you can ask a guy straight up why he's being like that, or ask him how he feels, it makes you look super confident, and thats just going to make him more attracted to you.

[Shimmyshammy]

Interesting. ...You see prior to 2-3 weeks ago, he use to text me all the time. All the time. We joke around constantly. 2-3 weeks ago was when he was joking about sexual stuff...or so I thought he was joking. Maybe I didn't catch on quick enough and now he's grumpy and awkward and distant with me. He tries to maintain that in person but he ends up talking to me or interrupting when I talk to others. We've been down this road many many times. I've tried to talk to him but he emotionally shuts down. It's like he's fighting his emotions. I know he cares to some degree but I dont understand the rest of his behavior.

[wildwolfxoxo]

Best thing you can do is, in my opinion, is sit down with him and make sure its just the two of you so he can really pay attention to what you're saying, and tell him hey, you've been acting different towards me and i want to make sure everythings okay. But you need to be serious about it. And by serious i mean ask him straight forward yes or no questions that he can't wiggle around. I know it seems hard to be so blunt with someone like that, but if you tell yourself that you're confident, you will come off that way.

[Shimmyshammy]

I have done that. He turns into a speechless deaf mute. Totally shuts down. Sigh. Im lucky if I get a shrug. IF I do that, he avoids me for a while after.

[AmongTheApples]

He either really likes you or it's all in your head. You're inferring from your own perceptions, which are relative and subject to your own wants and wishes. Just indicate, as best as you can, that you're interested in him and hint that you want to go out (mention times that you're free or things that you want to do) and see if he'll take the initiative. If he doesn't, he might still like you (I can personally attest that, sometimes due to many different factors, guys can miss even the most obvious signs of interest), and you'll either have to try and forget him or ask him.

[Shimmyshammy]

Many times I've told myself that it's all in my head. I've even tried to meet other guys or bring guys to the place we hang out. I figured that if he didn't care, he just wouldn't care. No, he gets mad and instantly leaves which again, makes me confused. I've asked him out in the past and he's gone complete stiff mannequin stone! No yes, no no. Just, nothing. I don't know what he wants. When I got my hair cut recently, a few of the other guys that hang out there said I looked great, they loved my hair, etc. Him? He just sat there, tapping his knee, pretending like I wasn't there. He finally spoke to me and joked with me a lot to the point of belly laughter...not once did he acknowledge the hair. He only glanced at me when I came in,...he didn't and couldn't look at me for the rest of the night and I was RIGHT NEXT TO HIM!

[Anonymous]

Nope that's a typical shy guy... that's how we work sadly... and why we probably miss out on lots of awesome women.

We act that way not because we want too, but because it's just a defence mechanism that kicks in and instead of us wanting to talk to the girl and telling her we like her.

We become kinda like a rock and be start ignoring her. I think it's so we don't have to face reality, which is that we like the girl. It's like protecting yourself from the truth or facing it.

[Shimmyshammy]

Please please tell me more! Do you realize how much you crush when you do that? I try to say hello and it's awkward! He even has to sit a seat away if he comes in after me. Ill even talk to everyone else to leave him be and he'll interupt the convo or answer before the other person can. I don't get it. Treat me like I dont exist yet can't stand it if I talk to someone else!

[Opinion Owner]

He interrupts, because that's how he acts when he is nervous. His nervous energy makes him want to show he can talk to others.

He sits away from you, because the though of him sitting next to you makes him go SUPER nervous. It would feel like his whole body would shake and break LOL.

It's awkward to say hello because he has FEELINGS for you. He doesn't know how to react and when he reacts he probably is thinking WTF am I doing... but what else can the guy do? He doesn't know how to act when he likes a girl.

[Shimmyshammy]

He even concentrates on talking to others too. Ill try and talk with them and again, he pretends like im not there. Weird though because the few times that he has gotten comfortable (thanks to beer) he is SUPER goofy and that's when the sexual innuendos come out. He jokes about sex in the sillieat way w other girls but with me it's not joking (or crude). EVERYTHING seems to turn into something sexual it seems. EVERYTHING.

[Shimmyshammy]

And to add to your comment below. ...I've always wondered why he just sits there when I come in. I sit there and wait. Then finally say hello. It's so awkard. Sometimes he looks at me, mostly not. What is THAT about. He and I will have thr best convos but will look at me a full 10 seconds. I've asked him before to LOOK at me (I've known him a few years now) and he just STRUGGLES. UGH

[Opinion Owner]

That's just how shy guys are... If you 2 end up going out he WILL open up at some point. For me it took me awhile to open up to my ex when we started dating. But at some point I got VERY comfortable and I know she was super happy. She wasn't frustrated with me being cold or awkward I was finally just being myself.

[Shimmyshammy]

So would it be weird to say that when we first me a few years ago, he had no prob w touching me, looking at me, putting his hand on the low spot of my back. Suddenly it changed and he's been like this for a few years. I admit though, I notice that he gets pissy if someone else flirts w me. He gets quiet and grumpy. Snappy at me.

[Shimmyshammy]

So funny...I saw him tonight. He sat a few seats away. Did the usual ignore...then randomly interrupted my convo w two other girls and spent the rest of the night teasing me! I guess he didn't want to the silent treatment anymore. This random girl kept asking what was between us. The other girl said "that's how they are." We were about 3 seats apart and he kept making faces at me and being silly. The girl kept looking back and forth and asking over and over. Then we text each other and kept joking and laughing. Ughhhhh!

[SteelyMcBeam]

Either he is afraid of being a creepy pervert towards you and wants you to like him (especially if you aren't that intimate with each other), or he entered a relationship with you that he feels wasn't supposed to be more than friends in the first place and doesn't want to outright hurt your feelings.

At any rate he at least likes you as a friend. Getting to be more than friends with him may or may not be a challenge depending on the circumstances (either you seduce him and he likes it or you attempt to seduce him and he flees).

[SteelyMcBeam]

I say this because I am guilty of it.

I am an in-experienced man who ruined his first relationship by being timid, and then subsequently entered another relationship with a woman I wasn't really attracted to. Thankfully we've both made it clear to each other that we are just friends-with-limited-benefits and we will never sleep with each other since we are both bound to move away from each other for our respective life goals.

[Shimmyshammy]

This is quite funny as he is constantly silly and constantly thinking about sex. Just tonight he smiled to himself and went to say something and stopped himself. I asked him to say it. Nope, wayyy too dirty and needed to keep It to himself! He does that a lot. In fact all the time! He also is very very aware of my opinion on things. Interesting.

[Shimmyshammy]

I've done everything to leave him be or just let things go. He comes back. Sigh

[SteelyMcBeam]

Just ask him when he is going to kiss you already and that should advance things one way or another.

[Shimmyshammy]

Lol...a random girl thought we were together tonight. 4 seats away but he wouldn't stop messing with me! A total tease tonight# id kiss him in a heartbeat!!

[Metal189]

girls can get away with touching men in any way they want (normally) because it's not as creepy or even dangerous but when a guy does it, it can often be seen as creepy or dangerous because he's getting too physical too fast (even if it just slightly touching her). the other day, the girl i like, took me by the hand and walked me out to where she could hear me (also where she could smoke a cig.). i didn't know where she was taking me at first, but the fact that she felt comfortable enough to do that was pretty awesome

[Shimmyshammy]

So...are you ok touching anyone else?

[Metal189]

try not to, for me, it's about space. generally if im really close to you within arms length im more likely to want to because it means i want to be around you

[Shimmyshammy]

He's a casual toucher with everyone. Like I said, he goes to do it to me without thinking, then awkwardly realizes and then halts, frowns, almost completely stops what he's saying. I usually just smile and continue the topic, trying to boost is ego in pretending I didn't notice.

[Metal189]

today i got to slap a girls ass. she wanted me to. i wasn't sure if i should because she could have called sexual harrassment in the workplace and she would have won because she's a girl (even though she wanted it) but yeah, i thought that was pretty interesting. she wants sex. i don't. i just wanted to be able to do that and she stuck it out there without me even asking for it

[Shimmyshammy]

Tonight we sat about 3 seats away from eachother. He did the usual ignore for a while but as soon as I started talking to others, he got RIGHT in the mix. This time he decided to tease me by telling people embarrassing stories about me. I just sat there and we stared deep into eachother's eyes...staring intently. I kept telling him that I was going to come smack him...he'd just laugh. I wish I'd smack HIM in the ass!!

So why did this girl randomly want you to smack her in the behind?

[Metal189]

we work together. it was my first day and i had just met her. we got to talking and i later found out that she told my friend she thinks im cute and that she could "teach me some things" (which alluded to having sex with me). she's in an friends with benefits with her ex but he doesn't treat her very well. she's looking for someone who's just going to treat her better and that can support her. but anyway, my friend kind of came up behind her and said do you like to be spanked. he's married so i thought that was odd but i found out she's a sexual girl and doesn't mind (however that still doesn't excuse the language from a married man). after they were done talking, she asked if he wanted to spank her. she had skin tight jeans on. he said no but i, being a single guy said "i want to", and she just basically stuck it out there, so i did it. im not sure if i should apologize for it though, it's still in the workplace, i shouldn't have done it

[Metal189]

she's going to be 35, im 25. lol, when i was forced to guess her age, i guessed 27 and she immediately said "i love you". you know how women are about their age

[Shimmyshammy]

She sounds like nothing more than drama! But, if that's what you like, go for it!

[Metal189]

like i said, just met her today. not sure what i want, i just know i enjoyed the slap, haha

[Shimmyshammy]

Well my situation is a bit different. Quite a bit!

[Metal189]

how so? by the way , this is a totally diff. girl than the one i was originally talking about. you ever get the feeling that the one you thought you should be with, actually isn't?

[Shimmyshammy]

I guess different in a different platform. He and I know all each other's interests, dislikes, same sense of humor, etc. Your situation sounds like tge girl doesn't want more than physical. I'd never ask my guy to slap me nor would he ask to. He might think it but in no way would he actually do it. One thinf I know is that he holds my opinion of him extremely high. Anyway, if the girl is interested in a fling with you w no strings, just go for it. Most guys enjoy that thrill it seems.

[Metal189]

that's not me. i don't do it. i like the idea of it, but not actually doing it

[Shimmyshammy]

Woyld you be bummed if she wanted nothing more?

I think what scares my guy is that I think he knows what I want...I think he's just scared.

[Metal189]

thats kind of how i was when i slapped her ass. i said i wanted to but she didn't hear me, so when i went to say it to her again when she asked what i said, i couldn't get it out because i was afraid of saying it and her actually HEARING it, because i thought she'd think i was a perv for saying it. (people actually care about what people think, no matter what they say)

i would be bummed only because she's just another girl I've been shot down from. it's not extremely important that i "get with her" in a romantic way but, the idea of it kind of excites me

[funkipunk]

He's either incredibly nervous when it comes to physical touching with you OR he does not find you attractive and therefore does not want you touching him. If he's comfortable around everyone else, I would have to suggest the latter as the reason. Everybody has their own taste, so there's likely many other men who find you very attractive and would very much enjoy your touch.

[Argus14]

Dude sounds really shy and unsure about himself. He's probably scared of a negative reaction on your part.

[Shimmyshammy]

If he were to touch me or look at me when he talks to me? He's been like tgis for a ling time :(

[mynameisnotjake]

He is terrified...TERRIFIED... that you have friend zoned him because it has happened so much.

[Shimmyshammy]

Why terrified? Would this cause him to be moody too?

[KhaysunDei]

Okay 2 possible options: 1 YOU'RE UGLY 2 He likes you a lot and whenever you touch him, it's something really special and sacred so he gets nervous. He basically glorifies you.

[Shimmyshammy]

Well, if he likes to mention sexual innuendos to me, A LOT...then maybe it's the latter.

[Anonymous]

he really likes you but doesn't know if you like him too, and is trying to be respectful to you

[Shimmyshammy]

But why have no problem touching or being touched by others? If he liked me, whybdoes he treat me like I have the plague?

[Opinion Owner]

maybe he just knows the others, or maybe your reading him being nervous around you, guys are not all confident etc, ya know. if you like him than YOU need to tell him and not keep expecting guys to be forward cause they are not always going to

[Shimmyshammy]

He knows me as well though. We've known eachother for a couple of years. Some of the others he barely knows!

[Opinion Owner]

perhaps you should talk to him about it and tell him in a civilized way about how you feel

[Shimmyshammy]

I wish it were that easy! Tonight was a great fun night. He went to leave and high fived 2 girls, shook a guy's hand, nudged another girl...when he got to me...he got super weird and awkward. Just kind of stood there...then said "ok...well...I have to go. Seeya"...It honestly makes me feel as though he thinks I have a disease!!!

[Opinion Owner]

seems like he's trying to tease you to get you to open up and jump his bones or something

[Shimmyshammy]

He teases me all the time. When it comes to leaving, it's really weird. Awkward.

[Opinion Owner]

what do you want from him?

[Anonymous]

Only one way to find out... Fuck his brains out make him cum in 5 seconds and say ur my babby daddy

[shafferj1012]

he likes you but he doesn't know how to tell you

[Shimmyshammy]

Even if and when he is snippy with me? I swear when I walk in he's fine with everyone. I come in and sit next to him and he turns to stone and pretends like I'm not there. I always imagined that he hated me