How do you get over being dumped for someone else?

[Anonymous]

If you have ever been dumped for someone else by someone you though would never hurt you so badly, how did you get over it?

My ex dumped me for someone else 8 months ago. Even though it didn't work out between them, I just feel so inadequate. Its so horrible to think that he was willing to lose me in order to gain her, that she was more important to him than me, that she mattered more, that he cared about her more.

I try to keep telling myself that he doesn't matter, that I can do better but I have so much trouble putting myself out there again because I don't feel good about myself after it all, and I am terrified that someone else will do the same thing to me. (I have only been in 2 relationship and they both ended this way). I am trying really hard to keep positive, but its so hard to overcome these feelings of self worthlessness.

Anyone who has ever been through this, what did you do to get over it and move on?

[Anonymous]

It took a really long time! (We'd been together for years and were engaged at the time. He barely knew her...) After a while (years actually) I began to see that it was a blessing that he left. In the end, it really wasn't about her (or me). It was him. We were in college and he really wasn't ready to commit to me. But I was so lucky we didn't get married, have kids etc! I deserve somebody who will love me better. Work on building your life (without a man). When you have a great life, you'll create the space for a really healthy and loving man. He just wasn't the right one for you. Something doesn't have to be wrong with you for the relationship to not be right. You can be perfect (no one is) and still not be right for someone. It isn't about being adequate. You are enough. You just weren't with the right guy. As hard as it is to see it, these guys did you a favor in ending things. It would be a tragedy to continue to waste your life with a man who absolutely convinced that you are the greatest thing on the planet! Keep in mind too that this is really common, for both guys and girls. It's probably happened to most people in some way or another. So it isn't something remarkably horrible about you. It's just a really painful and unfortunate way of clearing the path for the right guy someday. (Whose current girlfriend will probably leave HIM for someone else!) And if things continue to hurt so much, consider therapy. The healthier you can get yourself, the healthier a guy you'll find and the better your relationship will be once your heart has healed. It will get better, I promise! Just try not to beat on yourself. (That just perpetuates you feeling even worse.) Good luck.

[xtccdfxo]

no guy should ever make you feel inadequate, so don't allow them to decided your self-worth. you are who you are, and just because that wasn't good enough for him doesn't mean you're not great. the fact that he left you for someone else who in turn left him, means he was stupid and karma kicked him in the nads. you don't need a man to validate you. the minute you realize that, the sooner you'll be moving on. you're already over him, you just don't know it yet. and like the old saying goes, ((that just means there's someone even better out there waiting for you))

[Anonymous]

I am going through a similar situation myself, I feel as though I have been hit with a steam train, we have a beautiful 1 year old daughter together, the relationship was pretty bad I agree, and I never showed her the love and attention that I should have but to do to me what she did, the way she did it has really damaged me, I was more important than oxygen two weeks earlier, and strangely this woman loves me to pieces, still can't get my head round it, I am a good looking guy, very down on my luck at the moment, dont drink, dont smoke, dont take drugs, probably a bit boring for her I imagine, she always showed me how much she loved me, I messed up, and I am sorry for not letting my heart show her what I could offer her, I have not been eating, sleeping, having suicidal thoughts, I am in a really dark place, I can't escape the pain, thinking that her and her new man are happy whilst I am wallowing in pain and hurt all day every day, then she tells me she is going to Thailand for 11 days ( probably with him ) and our daughter is staying here, I get her two days out of the 11, I feel worthless, my confidence is 0 it is all so surreal, I wish there was something I could do to stop the pain and hurt I simply can't, I just hope that as the days tick on I start to feel better, I have my little rock, my beautiful daughter Ella, we have the most amazing bond, she keeps me going, keeps my heart beating, keeps me alive, sorry to be so gloomy, but my life is pretty crap at the moment, I suppose I can't get any worse x

[l-hedoniste]

New relationships put old ones in perspective. Go get one.