Reality is merely Perception
I was sitting here in my studio the other day and decided that I needed to take a break and rejoin society for a minute. Yeah if you knew me that would be more interested so allow me to elaborate. For some, the simple task of walking out into the world is nothing more than throwing on shoes and getting in the car. For others like myself that simple task for some requires an inordinate amount of time and effort. All of which seems like too much effort for something with so little return.
I am not going to say that I have found a cure for agoraphobia, I will only say that I have found ways to cope and deal with it outside the norms of conventional treatments. Some times they work, and others they are useless. As I stated I am afflicted by agrophobia and have been for many years unknown to those around me.
What Happens Now?
Agoraphobia (ag-uh-ruh-FOE-be-uh) is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed. You fear an actual or anticipated situation, such as using public transportation, being in open or enclosed spaces, standing in line, or being in a crowd.
For some this is as simple as overlooking what we know to be false and pushing on. While for others it is as daunting as fighting a forest fire in California. No one person is affected in the same capacity, yet we all share similar traits and are brothers and sisters in a disease that for many never are diagnosed due to societies tendencies to move forward at breakneck speeds. Overlooking the things that do not fit into their pocket planner lives.
The Breakfast Club
When I look back on the 80's movie of the same name I see a lot of my own personal problems manifest to screen. Although that is not the way that real life works, it is a great source of reference for the types of people that are affected and how they overcome or succumb to the affliction. If nothing else I love the movie and I am going to use it as reference.
I am not going to point out the characters and their lives, rather I used that reference to describe what it feels like to many that are in my position if they don't ever get the problem fixed. Many people feel like they are a misfit with no real place in life. Eventually agoraphobia begins to roll over into depression. You can only travel so far on a road before all the scenery becomes boring and nothing seems new anymore. That is what it's like to many who have struggled for years with the disorder.
In the end all most of us want is the ability to interact with people and to do what everyone else on the planet takes for granted. We are the ones that sit and don't find peace in anything we do. We usually are that way because academically we are well versed in books, theory, and even application when it comes to things that confuse most people. For me marketing, computers, electronics, and a few others are hobbies, where as any one of those things is a career to some. I don't say that to make anyone think that I feel superior to anybody. Rather I say that because in the end, even with a multitude of talents I feel utterly useless most days. I lack what other people don't, a life.
For many years I was a slave to addictions, and those all stemmed from my lack of love both for myself and the world. Some people will tell me that they are sorry that happened while yet others will never say a word. In truth, I at one time enjoyed the pity and reveled in the fact that other people seemed as if they cared. After time you come to realize that most people use lip service and don't mean anything that they really say.
You can take offense if you want but the truth is a bitter pill to swallow. I am not trying to start a fight with you, but you should realize that I have been battling my demons since I have been 14 and know people pretty well. I say that with the authority of one that sits on the outside and looks in almost daily.
For me the world is always a jaded and shaded place. I have a dislike of most people because of lip service. Most people who actually get the chance to meet me will tell you that I am a straight shooter. I don't sugar coat anything and god forbid I refuse to place lip service before integrity. I do this not for any person, rather I do that for me.
There Is Always Hope
I said all that to actually come to this point. Being a misfit is not the end of the world. We are all truly misfits in this life. We all try to be something we are not to most people in the hope that they will accept us. Or sometimes we do it so can feel accepted. That is everyone's goal in life. Yes, some people will always take things to the extreme, but the majority of us are the same. It doesn't matter what color our skin is, or for that matter which language we speak. Doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, tall or short or any of the other terms that society doles out like a big spoon of Castor Oil.
Many people live their lives and watch the world pass on by daily. Some of us feel like there is something more there that we are missing. Some people live, love and laugh on a daily basis. While others are reduced to crippling pain and tears for a world that we know we are a part of but can't seem to find our opening.
I tell you that it doesn't really matter which one of these you fall into because no matter what the situation you can always change it. My biggest pet peeves in this life are the people who complain and don't do anything at all to change the situation they are in. I know that a tiger can change it's stripes and we can move the stars if we put our mind to it.
For me I express myself through writing and media, through 2 small shows and writing. I do all that in order to feel accepted and find my place in life. In truth I missed out on the fact that in trying to fit into this life, I became a part of it in a very different way. When I created my online personality oh so long ago I found out that people actually started listening to me. I found that my online personality was more popular than I was, and at first that hurt. At the end of all of it I realized something that was spectacular to even me, I am the personality. I may have changed my name online to suit my needs at the time, but in reality I am that person.
Don't ever surrender who you are for what others want. There are enough people in this world that do that too much as it is. We need more real people, we need the thinkers, poets, and dreamers. We need the misfits. Without those we are a lost world. Never thinking for yourself is the path of a fool.
Be yourself, you would be surprised what you find you have to offer. Sometimes all we need in this life is a little faith. Faith is not something that this world has much left of. Not faith in the archaic terms that we are used to. Rather we need to regain our faith in humans. In the very people that we see and talk to everyday, or even the ones that we don't. I am a firm believer that everything in this life happens for a reason. From something as simple as a smile to someone who needs it. To being in the right place to stop the ever impending chaos of the world.
Simply put always remember that you are not alone. Even when the world feels like it's crashing down around you, there is help if you ask. We may be losing that as we move forward; but it only takes one person to hope in order to affect a change. Your parents weren't wrong when they said. "You can be anything you want to be in life"