Why people with mental health issues should not enter relationships (without informing their partner of their struggle)
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT ME SAYING THAT DATING WHILE STRUGGLING WITH MENTAL HEALTH SHOULD BE OFF LIMITS. THIS IS JUST HOW I HAVE EXPERIENCED IT.
I remember one night at 3 am. I was 18. I was in high school. I had a boyfriend. Whom I believed was secretly gay, he was very close to this one guy friend, and him actually liking me seemed impossible, but I loved him. I had come home from a party at 11:30 pm, and I had woken up after three hours of sleep. I looked at my phone to check the time, and I noticed a bunch of photos that were sent on a group chat. One of them involved my boyfriend, who was dancing really closely said guy. One of them was the same guy and my boyfriend shirtless hugging in bed.
Now that I think back, this was just silly teenage boys messing around, but with this image in my head, I couldn't sleep. I kept trying to shake it, but I couldn't. I spent that whole day crying my eyes out alone in my room. My parents have always been emotionally distant, so they did not notice. It's ridiculous to think about. I kept thinking "I knew it" and "of course he's using me".
Episodes like these, maybe not as dramatic, were a daily thing in my teen years. It was not only my boyfriend who triggered these events, the smallest comment could ruin my day.
As you might have figured out by now, I was very mentally unstable. I have a history of depression, anorexia, extremely low self esteem and anxiety, and no one knew back then. Not even my boyfriend. Whenever he'd call me "cute" or "sweet" or even "hot", I'd say "you don't really mean that", and he'd be frustrated. Whenever I had breakdowns (which I only had when I was alone), I'd text him saying I was "sad" or "unhappy", and because he didn't know of my struggle, he'd just say "why do you always do this?".
Moral of the story, I guess: If you aren't able to open up about your mental health issues to a partner, then for the sake of your own well-being, dating should not be an option.
What Girls & Guys Said
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2Opinion
I think you should definitely be able to be happy on your own before even getting into a relationship. It took about 3 years from my last relationship to feel happy and confident enough in myself to get into a new relationship. I have my moments, and of course I am still mentally unwell but I'm coping and having an amazing partner who understands my struggles really helps. We don't rely on eachother for our happiness, which I personally think is a much healthier relationship than any other one I've had where I felt like I needed them to be with me or talking to me all the time to feel something.
I could see why you were confused about the pictures. You sound like you are getting a handle on whatever was going on with you. I hope you are better.
I have been loving myself few times a wk for years... lol