To Love Yourself

[boatfullofpeace]

For all of you lonely and especially depressed people out there who see romance as the only key to happiness:

Learn to love yourself first. Only when you love yourself can you truly love someone else. Only when you love yourself can you truly be happy with someone else.

I know. I've been there. Every relationship that I sought out while depressed and lonely never made me any happier and never lasted. Every little occurence that threatened the stablity of the relationship would set me into a downward spiral of hopelessness and irritability. I was clinging to the idea of romance as if it were life itself, and I couldn't handle anything that threatened it. It put stress on the relationship and neither of us were happy in it.

In a healthy relationship, both people can be happy when away from each other and happy around each other. Their relationship is not their only source of fulfillment, and they enjoy each other's company.

My advice to you is to speak and think positively towards yourself. Turn every negative thought, like "I'm ugly" or "I can't do anything right" or "I hate myself" or "I'm so stupid" into something positive. For example, if you think you look ugly, find something about your appearance that you like. It can be your outfit, your shoes, your hair, your nose, your eye color, your lips, your skin, your freckles, your dimples, etc. Accentuate on anything that you like about your appearance. If you think that you can't do anything right, reflect on all of the accomplishments that you've had, no matter how small. If you finished a chore, like washing the car or cleaning your room the other day, be proud of that. If you passed a math test or a science quiz, be proud of that. Never sell your accomplishments short. People who don't love themselves are masters at selling themselves short. Don't fall for it.

Maybe take up a new hobby or a new skill (like drawing, coding, playing an instrument, writing, a sport, etc) in order to build up your confidence and appreciate yourself more.

Last but not least, self-love can also mean physically taking care of yourself. Try to get regular sleep, eat healthy, exercise, and get some sun if you can.

Best wishes and be patient with yourself on your self-love journey.

[Anonymous]

@"Learn to love yourself first. Only when you love yourself can you truly love someone else."

I'm sorry, but I honestly think this is just a silly nonsense and almost meaningless mantra that people regurgitate and repeat 'ad nauseum'. It is wrong and misguided, and leads to MORE unhappiness. Now the person is not only unhappy about being single, they're unhappy because they can't seem to reach this mythical meaningless goal of "loving oneself enough".

It doesn't even mean anything; the only thing it really means is that if you have self-esteem problems, then you should work on those. But you CAN OF COURSE find romantic love even if you still have some self-esteem problems, and you can of course work on your self-esteem problems in parallel with having or finding romantic love.

[Jack766]

Yes, wise words. But made hollow by 2 and a half decades of solitude. I like myself just fine, but when is it normal to be sad after how much loneliness? No one is made of stone, no matter how much one might wish it.

[rosacanina]

That was really nice, I loved it... If you don't love yourself no one will.