Girls, how can I tell my girlfriend she should get in shape?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend was on the swim team and was in great shape. She had a flat stomach, toned body, and well rounded ass. Ever since the season ended I can't help but to notice she has let herself go a bit. She has a belly, which was cute at first, but now it's just getting to be more of a stomach than just pudge. Her ass is flattening out and isn't too well rounded anymore. I think the hardest part for me to deal with is that she gets out of breath so easily, so we can't so the funny adventurous stuff we used to. I am a semi active person and she has trouble keeping up.
i don't want to hurt her feelings, and I love her so much, but she is losing her sexiness and becoming rather unhealthy. What do I do?

Updates

+1 y

She isn't "fat" per say, but I can tell she is headed there

Updates

+1 y

Over her looks, over all of that, I just want her to be happy and healthy again. I love her; I love her so much. It hurts and makes me sad to see her becoming unhealthy. I just want the best for her. She helped me get in shape, and I'll be damned if I don't help her!

[Paris13]

Perhaps being you are Here, dear, for some Good old fashion Advice, might I recommend to be as Diplomatic about this sore subject as you can so there isn't Any problems in your own love nest as two birds of a feather.
Tell her you have been carefully Considering Joining a Gym and you thought it might be nice if Both of you could join the club because you would love to share something special with her. Pass that around her dinner table.
However, food for thought. If it is Money and not just her 'Losing her sexiness' that has got you in a Pinch, maybe you could Begin a New beguine of Hiking in the woods, taking long romantic walks or Doing More in the Bedroom that will get her going and her blood flowing in Losing those extra pounds.
I understand that five pounds can Quickly Escalate into ten more and More in Store. However, by telling her that she is a bit on the heavy side, Will Create a big sour ball that could cause your harmony to go south for the winter.
This is why you Need to Think Strategically especially because you are Into Fitness and Staying and Eating healthy, which by the way... Would not hurt to steer her away today of Any Delightful Delights that Add to what she has now on the buttery buns.
Good luck. xx

[Paris13]

Give her More Incentive to want to Move and Groove and no matter What, Be Encouraging, never Discouraging. She may now be Realizing she is putting on some pounds and her Morale is down and it will cause a dead end rut to just sit around. xx

[Asker]

Thanks, I'll try inviting her over to the gym with me. There are some pretty scenic trails by where we're at that would be nice too. :)

[Paris13]

Oh, so welcome. Ah, that's the spirit and I do believe it just might work with you Both being a team.:)) xxoo

[Paris13]

I admire your unconditional love and wanting her Healthy so she can be healthy for herself and be the Girl I know she wants Back.:)) xxoo

[skullly]

join a gym and surprise her with a membership as well?

set more active dates, (even if she gets out of breath) how else do you think she'll get back to how she was? by doing active activities more often.

and perhaps just mention that you both should start a healthy eating routine, where you don't munch on chips just for the heck of it, and resort to healthier snacks... etc...

after any mean she has with you, tell her "lets go for a walk" and walk it off for few mins... and make that a routine.. and at the same time, you're spending time with her...

I seriously do not and will not ever understand why people get offended when others point out that one is getting chubby, fat, etc. In my opinion it's a good thing, cause sometimes we don't notice it, until it's too late, and we look like balls and too depressed to even start working out... so it's a good thing to mention such things at the beginning stages... and people shouldn't be come defensive about it... it's not like you're calling them names or making fun of them in a bad taunting way... it's a help! people are just weird... especially "most girls" touchy touchy.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. She used to be a healthy eater, but she gave up on it and binged the food she missed. I think that is the main issue. There are a few trails near us that I think would be great to go on for a date!
Thanks for being helpful and understanding. Luckily not many people are being rude, but the people who are are starting to annoy me. I am just looking out for her health and they think I'm shaming her or something.

[skullly]

Well, whatever you do and however you go about it, I really hope she doesn't feel insulted or offended in anyway.. and sees the positive side to it... and if she does, try to reason with her and make her see the healthy side of it etc... and if she still doesn't understand... then I honestly think that she's probably not the right girlfriend for you if she wants a complete different lifestyle to yours.

Good luck! 😬

[caliv0608]

Are you in good shape, or could you use a little sharpening up? I ask because since she was an athlete, you might ask her to help you work out. Go running together or to the gym. Say you want to eat better and start cooking healthy meals. Or just say you miss being able to do certain activities and is there anything you can do to help her get back on track? If she has gotten out of shape quickly, could it be because she wants a break from the rigorous training she's had to do for years?
Be gentle, supportive, and be willing to help in a hands-on way.

[Asker]

Sounds good. I could use some work myself and it would be great if we could help each other! There are some nice trails and lakes we can go to

[PrincessTashaaaa]

Well, its fair for you to want someone who can keep up with you, but she's not the girl for you if you can't handle seeing her if she's put on a bit of weight.
I'm a fitness junkie. At one point, I let myself go a bit too and gained 7 kilos. I was really upset, but my boyfriend just kept telling me I was still sexy. I ended up getting back to the gym and thanks to muscle memory, rebuilding myself was quick.
Like I said, if you want someone to keep up with you and do active things, tell her that. If you're only with her for her flat tummy and round butt, let her go. She's not for you.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. I plan on doing more active dates with her. There are some really cool trails and lakes we can go to that would be fun :)

[PrincessTashaaaa]

You're welcome. And reading your updates and other comments, I can tell you love her and it's good she has someone who is looking out for her health. My own boyfriend's been getting a bit unhealthy lately. He's naturally quite a big boy, but he's been smashing two whole pizzas to himself lately! I don't care if he gets fat, but he has a family history of diabetes and I want him to stay healthy!
Going on active dates is a good idea. Push her. Maybe join a gym and tell her you want her to train with you. It can be fun. Good luck. :)

[Asker]

Thank you :)

[ashley243]

i think you should let her know in a nice way and drop subtle hints

I really think you shpuld let her know that you are there for her, and you have her support. She will be more likely and motivated to get back in shape

Here is the key: suggest active things you BOTH could do together.

You basically want to make it sound like a couple thing so it isn't like you attacking her. If you even need too you can shift the blame on yourself be like "babe lets go on a hiking date this weekend, i'm getting outta shape"

make a lot of your dates exercise activites, so that way she sees it as just a date and some " the biggest loser" competiton. The key is to keep doing this until she goes back to her old habits naturally and you won't need to do these exercise dates anymore. Everyone needs a little push every now and then, but im sure your girlfriend looks fine now

[ashley243]

* and not some biggest loser competition

[Asker]

Thanks for the suggestions. There are some awesome nature trails we could do together, and a lake near us she likes swimming at. I'll try those for dates :)

[Anonymous]

Yeah do something together.
Try not to tell her she's 'fat' or anything because trust me that will break her.

Personally, I know this might sound a little mean but I don't think you're quite ready to have a girlfriend. Most women do tend to expand a little with age anyway what with having children and just getting older. If you can't deal with that and long for this supermodel image then you're gonna find it hard to be with someone.
Your girlfriend is beautiful no matter how much weight she puts on and you should always think she's sexy. If you don't then clearly you must have eyes on something else.
I was with a guy and although he's quite young he already started balding and got a little belly but I still thought he was gorgeous.
Don't be the type of guy to make a girl develop insecurities.

[Asker]

Thank you for the advice and wisdom. I will do more activities with her and we can get in shape together. I honestly feel bad that I worded my question in that way. She is beautiful and precious to me. I have been offered sex a few times from women that most would consider tens, but they didn't hold a candle to how gorgeous she is to me. I would never leave or cheat her because of some extra pounds; I just want her to be healthy again.

[Anonymous]

Ah, swim team that burns tons of calories but when it ends (huh? it goes year round, dude!) we all eat the same = building fat, which in moderation the coach loves to have for next season, as he builds that into muscle, then tapers off for season end meets. (3 seasons)
a) she finds a summer team or soon the fall team will begin
b) your dates with her will not include fat building meals, leading her into better choices
c) she goes-with when you go to burn calories and participates as long as she can
d) swimmers can be more sensitive to allergies and the heat, so plan avoidance for this
e) swimmers are natural in any water sport, e. g. canoes, paddle boats, surfing, sailing (not always a good calorie burn), water polo, pool volleyball, etc.

As for your perception... any gal is going to lose something when you make them preg for 9 months someday

[Asker]

Thank you for the advice. It is less about perception and more about her health. We used to do fun physical activities, but now she doesn't have the energy or gets out of breath too easily. I just want to keep her healthy, you know?

[Anonymous]

encourage healthy dating activities! go hiking, rock climbing, cycling etc! also, if you go out to eat, find a vegetarian place or place where you can order healthy foods : salads etc.
make sure you can create a fitness schedule together so you can have fun and bond! don't ever make comments about her body unless they're positively affirming.
my ex used to comment on my body being flabby. hurts so bad and can really crush a girls mind. when i dumped him i got in the best shape of my life. don't be that guy--you're better than that!

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice! There are some nice trails around where we live, maybe I'll start there :)

[Justagirl106]

1) never actually tell her she isn't attractive to you anymore
2) try to include her in activites that can build stamina and strength, make it fun
3) you could mention that the swim season comes up again in ____ months and she should start training again so she doesn't strain her muscles, fall behind, etc

[Asker]

Good plan, thanks for the advice

[Justagirl106]

No problem😊

[Anonymous]

Well first off, be honest with yourself. Are you more concerened on how she is looking or how she is feeling? If you miss the ass, flat stomache, and such more than what she is no longer able to do/ how she feels then please leave her. But if you just are worried for her health then definitley help her out. If you are worried about her then their would be no bad way to say it. "I'm worried that you got out of breath so soon... Me and you should do these workouts together from now on, would help us both out a lot." She is your girlfriend after all.

[Asker]

Thank you for the answer. I am planning on going on some nature trails near us and making it a date :)

[simmony]

NEVER say she's fat or out of shape.

I think you should find a hobby you both can try.
Like get a bike and say i really am enjoying this why dont you come for a bike ride with me ill make a picnik and we can have a lovely romantic day... or somthing like that

[Asker]

That's what I was thinking. There are some beautiful trails near us and I was thinking of walking/jogging the, with her. I'll try to include her more :)

[simmony]

Sounds good... and if she dose go with you let her know how great it was how you had a lovely time etc

Hope this works
Best wishes

[Anonymous]

I did gymnastics and also had a rockin body then I stopped and also let myself go my boyfriend just tell me you have put on some weight and that I have to exercise so that I won't struggle too much with my body when I am older, other words just start walking together or exercise a bit together in something you both love like, or make a competition who can run a 1km in 10min who is the first and should be rewarded with a good kiss or something. maybe she needs to find something she loves doing other than swimming I started trampoline it also got my body back in place

[Asker]

Sounds good! I plan on going on more active dates with her; a nature trail, swimming at her favorite lake, stuff like that. How should I bring it up?

[fortheloveoflyrics]

If you want to be subtle, tell her you're considering getting a gym membership and you want someone to go with you.
If that doesn't work, just be completely honest--tell her you're beginning to get worried about her health and you don't want to see her become unhealthy. Explain that it'll be easier to stay healthy than to get healthy later.

[Asker]

I plan on taking her on some active dates. We could go swimming or go on some of the nature trails near us :) thanks for the suggestions

[heywhisper]

I like how you aren't being rude about her weight. You are concerned which is good.

I say gently talk to her. Bring it up gently and cautiously. Most women will think you are attacking them if you bring up their weight. Why not suggest going for walks together? hiking even. Small things. Also how is her diet? physical activity helps tone up and build muscle but your diet is 80% of your weight.

[Asker]

She was eating well for a bit but stopped and binged on all the unhealthy foods she had given up. There are some nice trails near by and a lake we can start going to :)

[Wickedsbaby6]

I'm a thick girl after having my still born I got huge my ex was awful too he was mentally abusive to begin with and physically but when I finally got away from him my new boyfriend and I worked out together he was always positive as well. So cheer her on and encourage her and doesn't have to gym per say hey baby lets go for a walk or out dancing or swimming her alive products are amazing as well. If you guys do the nutritional thing look it some time

[Asker]

Sounds good! She loves to swim and there are some beautiful trails near us. I'll invite her to do more with me :)

[Wickedsbaby6]

I meant to say herballife stupid autocorrect

[Wickedsbaby6]

For her energy dropping and being sluggish also look into possible depression, or even thyroid usually just out of the blue not feeling active anymore is something internal

[Wickedsbaby6]

P. s. I got on thyroid medicine and started working out and playing active Xbox connect games and I've dropped 10sizes. Sex burns tons of calories lol

[Asker]

Lol sounds good. Thanks for the advice

[LittleSally]

Try doing more of those activities - if she says she doesn't want to - then tell her about this that's been bothering you.
Also, you might try eating healthier and pulling her along with you - eating healthy is a big part of it.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. I will definitely get more active with her as well

[LittleSally]

Hope it works! =)

[SoulGirl]

^^take her advice :)

[LalaMaryn]

The best way to not hurt her feelings is say this " Hey babe I was thinking we should work out together" If you say that she won't feel so bad. And at the same time you'll be having fun and gettin in shape TOGETHER 😊

[Asker]

Sounds awesome, I'll try it :)

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Find a new activity you both can do together during the off season. Or include her in your usual athletic activities or join her in yours.

[Asker]

There are some trails near us that would be nice to take her on; I think I'll try that :)

[Bonnie12I27I12]

if she's at an okay weight and isn't overweight then its really none of your business. most people aren't toned and dont have flat stomachs. if you just dont like the way she looks then either get over it or break up with her. if she is really overweight then try to buy healthier stuff and go exercise together

[Asker]

Looks aren't the main issue, and I'd never dislike her for it. It's the fact that she isn't active anymore and we can't do the things we love to do because she has no energy. I will try taking her on more active dates and see if that helps her health improve

[mforizzle]

"hey babe, we should start going to the gym together" or just flat out tell her "I'm concerned for your health"

[Asker]

I will start inviting her to work out with me :)

[Anonymous]

If you are actually worried about her health, then I think you should be honest. You should just let her know you care.
If you only care because you want a sexy girlfriend to fuck and show off to your friends, I think that you are very shallow.

[Asker]

I do care for her health. I will invite her to do more activities with me :)
Whether she has a sexy body or not doesn't matter as long as she is healthy!

[maggiexoxo]

The best thing to do in tis situation would be for the two of you to male a group effort. Just tell her you want to get fitter, and you think the two of you should partake in some activities together :)
Peace
Margaret

[Hi_im_me]

Just ask her to do work out stuff with you because you want to hang out with her not because she needs to don't say that at all

[Asker]

There are some nice nature trails we can go on together, that will be fun :)

[MJas16]

That's definitely a hard one because there's no easy way to tell someone something negative about their weight. Tell her that you guys should do stuff together like be workout buddies, go hiking etc

[Asker]

There are some nice trails we can jog/walk near us, I'll do that!
I won't mention her weight, it will just be a fun activity for us to do :)

[MJas16]

Yeah definitely. Just keep it fun and do it regularly like during the weekend. Good luck😊

[Yasmine_yasmine]

That doesn't sound unhealthy. That sounds like you being picky and selfish. I'm sure if you noticed her gains she has too. And if she is fine with it there is nothing you should do about it. If you're not okay with her body, leave her so she can find someone who is.

[Yasmine_yasmine]

If you were concerned about her weight you wouldn't be commenting about her bum. A flat bum doesn't mean not healthy. It means less sexually appealing for you.

[promiscuous-petal]

Most girls don't have perfectly flat stomachs like the media portrays. I bet her stomach isn't even that bad at all. This guy is a dick and wants to date what he sees on the TV. Typical teenage boy.

[indie_rock_chick]

Sorry to break it to you mate but you don't love her. No matter how many times you say it, it won't get real. You only care about her appearance. What if she had an accident that left her with a burnt body, or anable to work out again etc. Accidents happen and people grow old. Do the girl a favor and break up with her, she deserves someone better.

[Asker]

If it were something she couldn't change I wouldn't care and I would love her the same. The fact of the matter is that this is something easily avoidable. She can't do what we used to do because she has no energy, and it hurts to see her in the slump. I admittedly worded the question wrong, but that doesn't break my purpose. I love her, and won't leave her just because she doesn't have the sexiest body in the world. I just want to see her happy and healthy again. In fact, I'm going to start getting in shape and inviting her to work out with me. We are going to walk some beautiful trails and be active together. You're right; I'm super shallow for wanting my girlfriend to be healthy. I'm a total asshole because I want to be active with my love and keep her happy. Damn! I care for her health! I must be such a prick!

[indie_rock_chick]

Yes, you are shallow, I'm glad you see it. She gained a little weight... She's not anorexic or obese. If she is unhappy, talk about her feelings, not her weight. "Girls, how can I tell my girlfriend she should get in shape? " congrats Mr best boyfriend ever.

[promiscuous-petal]

This asshole is the product society created.

[meljw]

Don't say anything unless she wants to. It isn't your place to tell her to lose weight because she isn't reaching your standards anymore. Wtf? Ask her about it but you are nobody to tell her to do it. If she really cares she will

[Asker]

I just want her to be healthy, why is that so bad? I'm not calling her any names or making fun of her. I would just hate to see here become unhealthy and let herself go. I am in shape and want a partner who is too, more so we can enjoy life together than sex appeal. Why am I the bad guy?

[promiscuous-petal]

Here's how you ask her nicely: DONT. Like at all. Girls fluctuate from time to time and if she's happy in her body now you have no right to tell her what to do with her body. If you don't like a curvier girl, then go for a skinny girl and let her find a real man who loves her for her body and everything in between.

[Asker]

I'm a dick for caring for her health? I'm an asshole for not wanting her to get fat? Why is it that I'm a jerk for wanting to help my girlfriend? I never called her ugly, or made fun of her, or said I'd break up with her. I want to help her keep healthy just like she helped me. I want to be active with her like we used to. I want to keep my partner, my best friend, healthy and happy. She doesn't like not being able to run! She doesn't like not being able to the stuff we used to! Either help or get the fuck out. I am sick and tired of people treating me like a shallow prick because I am not going to support unhealthy living.

[promiscuous-petal]

Don't act like it's only that you "care" about her health. You also mentioned that she's losing her sexiness. If you really had feelings for her you wouldn't even think that. You have no idea how love is, I think you'll understand when you're older, cause you're too immature to get it now.

[Asker]

Are you saying that emotional connections and relationships have nothing to do with physical attractiveness? I obviously care more about her health than her looks, but looks are still a factor. We like to say that personality is everything (it's VERY important) but that's not all. If a person you found unattractive treated you nicely would you date them, even if you thought they were ugly. My girlfriend is by no means ugly, and I do love her, but to pretend attractiveness isn't a factor is foolish.

[MamuraDaiki]

Umm invite her to go jogging with you and if she asks why, tell her that jogging with your special someone is fun

[Asker]

Sounds like a plan :)

[Anonymous]

break up with her. If you can't handle her when she puts on weight, you don't deserve her when she looks good. So what if she puts on weight? Why can't you just accept that? If it's becoming a health or self-esteem issue-where she's overweight-then go running or biking together, but when you stop finding her attractive because of one flaw, I feel sorry for you. I'm sure you have many physical flaws about yourself.

[Asker]

I love her, and that will never change. I love her so much that seeing my girl, my best friend, become unhealthy legitimately makes me sad. We can't do the fun things we used to anymore because she has no energy. She gets out of breath just walking up stairs. I have physical problems, yes, but they do not get in the way of being with her. I have had three heart surgeries, but I still take her for coffee and tea. I can still run with her and she even helped me get over these problems and live healthier. I want to do the same for her.
I am getting tired of hearing people thinking I'm shallow for wanting to keep the person I love healthy. If you aren't going to help than I would appreciate you leaving.

[Esplorare]

Stop being so sensitive and defensive.
It's not like he came here being disrespectful or rude so you don't have to be such a critical asshole towards the Asker.

[Opinion Owner]

Look, from your post you went from her having a nice perfect body, round ass to flat ass and pudgy-even saying she is losing her sexiness which is part of her attraction. It didn't seem like you were more concerned for her health-since her looks are what you stated first. Maybe if you would have worded it that you were concerned about her self esteem and her underlying, oncoming health issues my response would have had a different tone. And leave? Where? Off the internet? Sure. There's many ways you can simply say that you are concerned for your girlfriends health without insulting her physical form.

[Anonymous]

You should break up with her so she doesn't have to go through feeling bad about herself from an immature person like yourself. I see you are under 18, you are clearly too young to know the impact of your words or comments on her. I feel sorry for her that she has to go through this with you... she deserves so much better.

[Asker]

I understand the impact of words quite well, which is why I'm asking how I can bring this up WITHOUT being an asshole. So far I haven't even mentioned it to her because I don't want to hurt her. I worded the question wrong, I can admit that, but I really just want to see her healthy again. We can't do the same fun activities we used to do that made her happy because she is out of shape. Why is it wrong for me to want her to be healthy and happy?

[promiscuous-petal]

Exactly. This guy is a dick.

[Anonymous]

If you 'love her so much' it wouldn't bother you, and I think you're a prick if it really bothers you. But if you really need help, invite her out on runs and to go to the gym with you or something.

[Asker]

A bit harsh, but good answer. I think I worded the question really wrong, and that's why people are pissed. The looks thing doesn't bother me much, definitely no to the point of thinking she is ugly, and I don't really care that she's getting a gut. What I care about and what bothers me is her health has made an obvious decline now that she is less athletic.

[Asker]

I will definitely invite her to some activities that are both fun and healthy. In fact, there are some trails I would love to go on with her :)

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, just invite her out on active dates. If she's suspicious, just say you personally want to get in shape and you want to do it with her because you love her and want to share it with her or something. I can understand why you'd worry about her health though, that's a good thing. Maybe just don't talk about the looks and instead talk about how her health has changed.

[Asker]

Yeah... I worded the question pretty badly. It made it almost sound like I thought she was ugly! She is beautiful and I love her. I just want her to be happy and healthy

[Opinion Owner]

It'd make for cute date ideas! But whatever you do, do NOT tell her she's getting out of shape. Call someone beautiful a thousand times, they'll still doubt it, but even imply they're not up to standard once and they'll remember it forever.

[Asker]

Thank you for the advice! I will keep it all in mind :)