How do I convince/support my girlfriend to be fit again?

[FullWindsor]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little more than a year and a half. We have a very healthy relationship, and personally, I haven’t felt genuine love like this before. It’s great.

She used to be quite athletic several years ago (volleyball), and was in amazing shape thanks to all the work it took to be competitive. However, she had a few injuries, team issues, that eventually lead her to stop. On top of that, her parents were critical of her physique even at her PEAK, and didn’t do much to help her self esteem or body image. Recently, some medical hurdles also hindered her physically so understandably, it’s hard to keep up.

When we started dating, I admit, she wasn’t in good shape but I found her very attractive and I kinda dismissed that because of our interests and the ease by which we connected. She felt good in her own skin and I supported that. But that has been changing lately.

I am a highly athletic individual, and live an active lifestyle. Ignoring my own body image problems, I am fit, and I am lucky to have a good metabolism to boot. But I’m the antithesis of my girlfriend, which sometimes leads me to kinda drag her along when we go hiking or do something physical (and I feel bad doing that because she wants to go, but it’s difficult for her and not me). Surprisingly she also started to say stuff like “I wish I were skinny [fit] again” or making comments about how fit she used to be.

I want her to be fit so that we can do things together and so that she can be as healthy as can be, but I don’t want to be forceful or blunt. We’ve had conversations about it before and she wants to be fit again but the motivation and energy and time is hard to come by. Work gets in the way and she’s a creature of habit.

How do I lovingly convince her or motivate her to be more fit/lose weight without digging up bad experiences from her past or making her feel bad?

[Nawlins34]

Okay, after reading this, I think the best thing you can do for her is focus on the underlying issues.

She seems "stuck" and the reasons she feels that way are still present.
1.) Injuries
2.) Critical Parents

In the meanwhile, you move heaven and earth to get it done. Modify your schedule, you want her to see your support. If you feel like you're not getting your workout of fun in, you may have to do some by yourself and then go with her to ensure you get yours in.

You didn't mention friends, if it's just her parents and you with this input, the general consensus is contributing to her low self-esteem. Offset this by getting people around her who do like her.

Sometimes, seeing a loved one not quitting on them, fuels them to not quit.

All that said, you have to be realistic about the situation.

Ultimately, your objective here is to remove all excuses. You can't make her workout, but you can help eliminate the excuses to the point that the only reason she's not doing it is because she doesn't want to and can't admit that.

Also remember you may be dealing with a person who values the approval of her parents, who have made it clear (at least in sports) that she doesn't have it.

She made need counseling to work on her self esteem and is she does, support her.
So don't say anything else with words; say everything with action.

And what if she STILL doesn't do it? Are you happy with her as-is going forward? If so, that's fine.

But if you're not happy, my advice puts you on the path to at least say, you literally did everything you can do as a boyfriend to help her and if need be, end the relationship walking away with your head held up high.

If she is very responsive to feedback, this shouldn't be a problem. But again, you have to prepare for the possibility that she's all talk and really doesn't want to work out anymore.

Just my opinion, Be safe and good luck.

[FullWindsor]

You’ve really picked away at this! Fortunately, she’s met some nice people through me who she enjoys being with, which is huge for her as an introvert (I’m very much extroverted). I want to encourage her to get out there more on her own too so that she doesn’t have to rely on me for socialization.

Some recent medical complications have mostly left her unable to do anything lately in the gym but she can start doing stuff now.

I want to try to get her to come with me, or Vice versa. She has a gym membership. I know she wants to do it. She’s just always in a cycle of fatigue. She did it before several months ago and she said she felt great. But her health held her back, so it’s back to square one.

As for her parents, well, she doesn’t really care what they think anymore. Most of the damage was done when she was younger, and she already is seeing someone for therapy, and I’m all for that. It has helped her a lot.

Thanks for your input.

[Jabberjaw]

Be the expert and leader in your relationship so you can guide her in the process. She already has the motivation and wants to be fit (the most important part).

She just needs to get together the habits. I don't know what your system is for staying in shape, but make it applicable to her and easy for her to follow along with you

Like my dad is getting back in shape and he often Cooks a big batch of chicken thighs, makes really good rice, and vegetables. When he makes that my mom eats it because it's easy, good, and there

If you do some easy meal prep and get her involved with that, it's something you can do together and a step in the right direction for her.
Going for short walks together 40-60 min walks. Just having that habit makes a difference

Doesn't have to be some big hike. And realistically you can always do more on top of that on your own. Remember when I was playing basketball all the time my sister asked me to help her get back in shape and I would go on runs with her on top of my usual training because it was nothing to me.

Don't ask her to go on a walk, pick a time when you both have time to do so and tell her "let's go for a walk" and just use that as time to connect with her while burning some extra calories. It'll be good for your relationship to just to talk

[Jabberjaw]

If all you did was have her eat better and not drink her calories, she will lose weight. If you make sure to get a good amount of protein it will be even easier. If you go for that 40 to 60 Minute walk everyday it will be even easier

Then with those habits in place just workout 2 or 3 times a week. For most people the reason they are overweight is because they just drink too much of their calories and they don't get enough protein

[sheenagwapa]

she can try keto diet. i've tried keto but i cannot continue it because of budget. so my next option is low carb and usinh xenical ( when using orlistat take psyllium fiber so that you will not have a oroblem with your poop) because i wanna lose weight fast this has been effective to me before but once again budget is the main problem.

[Changiis07]

You could be like let's sign up for the gym, or let's go on a 20 min walk everyday. Start out small so that she feels a difference and wants to do it more

[bamesjond0069]

Well i mean it sounds like she got fat. And im personally going through something similar. The first thing you have to remember is fat is primarily from diet issues. One doesn't need to run 5 miles or set new dead lift PRs or something to lose some fat.

So yes while im hindered from participating in some of my more extreme activities its no excuse to demolish a tub of ice cream like im running marathons. And ofc when you're in good shape and doing hard exercise you can eat a lot more and not as healthy and it won't make you fat but when you're sedentary its a huge deal. So maybe focus with her in the kitchen first.

If she loses some weight it will make excercise easier. Personally I wouldn't even bother trying to run more than light sprints since im a bit overweight. Just is uncomfortable to carry around 20lbs extra weight thats just like tying a weight to you and now hike or run with that. Ugh.

But just try and cook healthy stuff and manage her total calorie intake. Once she starts losing weight that will motivate her to be physical again and it won't be as uncomfortable for her.

[DarkWinterNights]

I agree with a couple other points, talking about it is a moot point. Just start. And start small, a 20 minute walk at night before dinner. And keep each-other encouraged.


Also food is far more important to losing weight than exercise. Eating healthier is going to make the most difference- though may end up more challenging if food prices continue to rise. I’ve seen people get in great shape on the Keto diet. Cutting out Carbs will give you more energy, less brain fog, less bloating and more encouragement.

[libsaretards]

Enroll in martial arts together. If she has never done martial arts before and comes from an athletic background it will give her a thrill she has never experienced before. It can be your activity together as a couple AND help her gain confidence and fitness she has never had before.

[zagor]

It can be hard to get back into shape; I recently had some medical issues and it can be frustrating coming back when you remember things as being a lot easier than they are now. Try and get her going on some shorter hikes or bike rides to start out, as it can be very discouraging if you try overdoing it and are exhausted and sore afterwards.

[Avicenna]

You’ve already told her, there’s no reason to keep harping on it. What I’d do is suggest ways to prioritize exercise and maybe cook healthier food for the two of you.

[FullWindsor]

I see what you’re saying. I’m going to try my best to do that.

[OfDeath]

Sell the car and get her to pull you in a carriage everywhere you go. Problem solved! 👍

If there's anything else you need help with, just shout it out.

[exitseven]

Offer to do some activities that she would enjoy. Find some workouts she might like. Get her interested in something new.

[dustybiker]

All you can do is lead by example. It’s her choice to join you.

[Zweihander9005]

Ease her into it slowly. Maybe instead of working out take her out to play sports instead.

[RationalMale]

It will depend on her. If she's unwilling to change and sacrifice to be fit, nothing you say will change her or lead her to get fit

[Anonymous]

Start joining more athletic and social activities that you like on your own. She will join you if she misses you

[In_Trance]

Good luck with that