When will I ever be happy? And positive?

[Anonymous]

I'm negative all the time, I will make it short and clear, what's on my mind mostly and doesn't make me happy and live normally, is medical stuff (surgeries, catheter insert... etc) I think you know what I mean now... like when I see a pic of doctors around a bed and the lights are dark in the operation room and there working 😔😔... from this, I dont feel like looking to my future or appearance, I used to love wearing clothes and style and stuff. Now, I just wake up in the morning with my same shirt, and wear same jeans and wear my jacket and put the hood on coz I dont feel like combing my hair, and leave... I dont but any clothes anymore and I just dont care about my appearance anymore... I get negative on the little things even... I can't believe how the people I watch on YouTube, they are so happy and have something to aim for and the makeup and stuff and other vlogs living like kings... wtf is wrong with my mind? "Sunnydahye" this is a YouTuber that is in japan now... I'm like " wtf are you so happy about makeup and japan and stuff, how come your so happy and positive and I'm like that.." if I stay like this , I will make an end, after my parents die, coz I dont wanna do it when my parents are alive, it may be along time till there life's settle, but whatever... I even try to do weird stuff like selfie and poses and just try to be positive, but nah... I'm a guy, sorry you might thing I'm a girl coz I talked about makeup... so my problem is medical stuff

[ajkaksoskaoakzkaa]

I used to be really sad. I would sit up in my room and do nothing but do on my laptop all day. until one day I went for a walk outside. holy fuck. I have this abandon field near my house and the place is so beautiful. teens go there are smoke weed and graffiti on walks and it's just a cool as place. it made me realize that there's so much more to life than school and work. when I got out into nature more I felt so much better. my biggest fear when I'm older is to have a boring ass life. like wake up at 8am everyday, go to work, come home and eat dinner and prepare for work the next day. that's probably the most horrible lifestyle ever. I want to find a job that travels and isn't so closed and scedualed. like what I don't get is why someone would ever want to be a teacher. you go to school for 12 years to go to college for 4-8 more years to spend the rest of your life going back to a school. what the fuck? lol idek. to be happy I think you need to get outside more. trust me. and maybe open your third eye. that's where my life changed. I'm so positive and I've never been more happy after that. also being open minded is the key. good luck (:!

[Asker]

What's a third eye? And I don't think you understand my fear... it's reptitive thinking about the medical sht... it's s no comfort thinking of it so much... u just sit there and think.. at least ur on ur laptop... it's s just thinking as fuck... no one understands. ...

[ajkaksoskaoakzkaa]

it's hard to explain you should probably just look it up. but are you studying to go in the medical field or something? or you just have pictures of that stuff in your head all the time

[Asker]

Why dw fk would I go medical stuff if I'm afraid... I dont wanna say I'm afraid of it. But yea. . it's just too much thinking when I'm not gonna have nothing...

[Thisperson01]

I would recommend excercise as it would release dopamine in your brain giving you a more positive attitude since you're glad you're able to be strong. Personally it worked for me I used to be suicidal and had to take meds.

[Asker]

Will it make me better and positive if I take med? I mentioned my problem... it's fear and continously thinking surgery and medical stuff

[Thisperson01]

No personally meds made me more depressed and suicidal. I would work out if I were you and pursue a hobby you like. Mainly just get busy to put your mind off of depression

[Asker]

But I don't think I'm depressed, I looked at photos before like 2 years and omg😢😢 undescribable.. it's a photo of a dinner of lots of people having a good time eating and I had my head down and depressed looking the whole time, I'm glad I didn't erase these photos... it's unbelievable how depressed I was... but till this day, I can be depressed, but not as much... it's just negative thinking and these medical stuff, I dont think anyone is like me when it comes to this gear and being afraid of surgery and thinking when not even needing one... whatever I see on TV or photo, I start thinking...:( what's the point of living and seeing friends study and go and have a good time.. and I'm like this...

[Thisperson01]

Actually it seems like you're going through a phase of normal depression where you question everything and anything. It usually happens to everyone. Also please describe specifically what medical stuff you are afraid of, cuz I don't think you need it if you are not depressed.

[Asker]

I don't think I'm depressed now... even if I think and fear of it... I know what depression is and I don't think I am depressed... the fear is, for example, looking at a photo of doctors around the patient with the uniform and around the patients bed and it's kind of dark.. and tv programs that show before and andfter pics and process of a women going through a facial change like fat to skinnier and a face change... surgeries were it involves cutting... and catheters that Andre inserted... I am not getting none... but I just think tons about it... I got rid of cancer thoughts before Anda year and omg it makes me cry just thinking how I was... I had exams of graduation and before and after them, I leave everyone and the friends and people and just sit, and stay still with Mt head down and thinking, I think it to sleep at night, I got over it... but now it's what I mentioned above...

[Asker]

I don't wanna be rude but all I enjoy in life is masturbating, not over doing it tho, like daily or every 2 days.. im trying to stop, but I what's there to enjoy other them doing it? Please don't tell me to go outside more and workout at gym, because I know this will break it and make me a lot better, but it's harder then u think if you got no friends and you don't think you have a place in this world...

[Thisperson01]

Actually friend it's gonna be hard but you have to do it. Otherwise you will be stuck in a cycle of remorse and regret. Do you really want to continue your life fearing what you could've done to improve your life?

[Asker]

I wanna change yes... and even if I start tommorow and change the routine. . Thinking will be still active... my thoughts are a lot.. I dont forget fast

[Thisperson01]

You sound exactly how I used to be. Let me guess racing thoughts of suicide, and just weird thoughts of stuff. Buddy it took years for me to change and I still haven't kicked it but I have gotten better. I know you probably have a lot of doubts, but just think about this: if you never try to change your life now with hard work, you never will, that's the harsh truth.

[Asker]

But it's not suicide... it's the medical thinking that keads to the thinking.. do you understand what I mean by the medical thinking? Surgery. catheter. edoscopy... these stuff.. these are just examples... I just get repetive thinking of it a lot.. doesn't let me live

[Thisperson01]

What made you start thinking about this medical stuff?

[Asker]

I'm not sure why! No one thinks like that if I'm hearing it with them or watching with them.. the still dress nicely and do normal life good things... while I'm just thinking and not feeling like anything... I have anxiety and paronia of that makes a change? I don't know but it's horrible... you know what's it's like just sitting not even moving and just rethinking that

[Thisperson01]

There's gotta be an event. Paranoia should have a little bit to do with your thinking. But there must have been something that triggered you to thinking like that

[Asker]

I'm not sure about that.. do you think it's just ocd? I remember when I was little that if SpongeBob comes on or my favorite show and I wanna watch it... I just had to pick all the pillows and mess on the ground then IL be comfortable to watch if (I dont do that no more) do you think it ocd coz it is repetive thoughts too... I don't know..:(

[Thisperson01]

Nope if you can't recall then I don't know what to say

[Asker]

Thanks anyway

[Thisperson01]

Listen dude I really want you to get better just trust me on this. Workout for at least one week no rests on any day that means working out every day of a week and then after see how you feel. Trust me it will help you, anyways take care dude

[Asker]

Thanks a lot man' I know it will help me a lot coz working out Is working your mentalNess mind... I tried before in school. ..

[Entity]

When you stop being unhappy and negative.

[Asker]

Bitch I would be more then happy if u didn't even stop bye.. pce a sht I am serious and u come give me this... what have we become?

[Entity]

I see. Tell me how you really feel.

[Asker]

Never mind. .