I don't think I'll ever like myself because I'm always seeking validation from others. What can I do about this?

[MasterKhan]

I am 23 years old. I have been single my whole life. I never held hands with a woman, kissed a woman or been on a date before. I am now desperate for a girlfriend. I feel like I'm missing out on something great. My desperation for female attention comes from my low self-esteem. I have no confidence in myself at all from constant rejection and no acceptance. You already know I don't really like myself at all. I can't even remember a time when I loved myself. Maybe I never did.

Not many people like me. I am not sure what I am doing wrong. I don't know why I couldn't say or do the right thing to get your attention but the guy next to me did. I try to keep myself busy but even when I get that little amount of me time, like before I go to bed, I can't stop thinking about being liked from others. It seems to me that I am socially retarded based on my own statistics, I am the common denominator in all of it, but I don't feel like I am.

I am tired of feeling sad and thinking about others. Should I stop caring about everyone? How? What can I do about this?

[meowcow]

There's a few things to note here. Firstly, few people find self-pity an attractive quality. Your low confidence and tendency to feel sorry for yourself... or seek pity from others is a superb way to drive people away from you.

It's like that person in school who complains about all the tests and exams that are coming up, and how many pages of a report they need to write - but not realizing that every single student also has those exact issues. Sure, life isn't easy. But when a person complains about their situation constantly, they are usually oblivious to the fact that everyone else also has those problems. People will not be attracted to others who are negative and complain about everything.

You seem like a bright person, and you're obviously aware that there is a social problem that you are having. But you can't seem to identify the cause. This is not unusual, as most people have difficulty criticizing their own behavior.

Have you ever met someone who's just plain creepy or weird? Everyone in the room knows this dude is creepy and weird... except the dude himself. You may need some honest input from a close friend to tell you what's wrong. He/she probably knows, but it is typically rude to tell. Your friend won't be comfortable telling you that you are: strange, creepy, perverted, douchebag... etc... whatever the problem you have may be.

I also wonder how much social media you use. Since your profile pic is like a gym selfie, I suspect you may twitter, snapchat a lot and take loads of selfies hoping for friends and random strangers to "like" them. It's a recent phenomenon that younger generations believe that attention from social media equates to real friends and real popularity. When people don't like their social media garbage, they get sad and depressed. Yet, none of these people play an active contributing role in their lives. So they're just seeking attention from random strangers, thinking that means they are popular. Sadly, it also takes a toll on a person's ability to form real social relationships.

I'd recommend turning all that shit off, or deleting it outright and try meeting people in person and forming in-person relationships with friends as a first step.

[MasterKhan]

I rarely use social media. I just now got into facebook and snapchat. The reason I never got into it before was because I feel like if I upload something I might not get any likes. Sad I know. I have friends but not that many.

[JLFalcon]

Find something other than getting a girlfriend to be passionate about.

1. If your biggest drive in life is to get a girl, it'll first off look like you said, desperate, and that isn't attractive. And then if you are close to getting a girl and she sees this kind of thing in you then she will be scared to go any further wondering "how much would he change if I really did date him?"

2. It gives you drive and a purpose in life, which is extremely attractive to girls.

3. Putting yourself on track to accomplish something you are passionate about will boost your confidence and self esteem, by a lot.

[MikkyLachae]

Wow, this was me up until only a few weeks ago! I know how you feel and the problem is on the inside. You're a cute guy so nobody has a real reason to make you feel unattractive. What helped me was addressing problems I had suppressed ever since I learned to hide my feelings. In reality when you bottle up how you feel about certain things the pressure builds up and things start falling apart, shattering. I would suggest writing down every possible thing that you're unhappy with and why. Then think deeply on how you could make it better.

An example would be being unhappy about your height because people don't like you. A way to make it better would be by embracing your height and finding short/tall role models. I can't say to ignore any problem or to just get over it because if it were that easy then you would have done it already. Lots of people go through this but they hide it well. In fact a lot of people who know you might think that you're always 100% confident and have a strong sense of self-worth. Take all the time you need to heal. This is about you and nobody else, you can do this!!

[Araya]

You stop caring about what other people's opinion of you is. Why do you care what a stranger thinks of you: someone you'll never meet or who doesn't even know you, yet is making asinine judgments about you?

Why are you letting these fools dictate how you feel: lowering your self-esteem? Why are you giving them control over YOUR life?

You have to love yourself first before over-coming this hurdle so I suggest that you tell yourself in the mirror 5 constructive/positive/loving things about yourself every day HONESTLY so that you can build your confidence.

And whenever you feel as if someone is against you, I urge you to immediately counter that negative thought with a positive one.

[KaidenKass00]

Hey, maybe you're not doing anything wrong. You're hardly the only person who hasn't kissed a girl at your age. I think I was 22, for instance.

The problem is that "desperate to have a girlfriend" part, along with the low self-esteem. The first thing to do is not put such a huge emphasis on the girlfriend, because then you can focus on the next step: Improving your self-image. Even if you could get a girl to talk to you, your poor self-image will bleed through and you won't have much of a chance.

I know it's hard, but you really have to stop caring what others think and say about you. That's stuff you can leave behind in the immaturity of school. At your age, self-confidence is what matters most and you have to find it. Once you do, the girlfriend part is actually surprisingly easy. :)

[Transigence]

I think you need to cultivate something in yourself that you can derive some sense of accomplishment yourself.

For me, I started taking kung fu. It didn't help at first, but after several months I looked back and realized that I had accomplished something that can never be taken away from me, and that I was the better for it.

It was a reality check that I am indeed a capable person. Once you get a little bit of "I can do this" in your bloodstream, all sorts of other things fall into place. And it can be anything, not just a martial art, or whatever.

You need a thing in your life that isn't really about others, but about you and your own limits.

[31yovirgindude]

Hit the gym, dude. Get a trainer if you can afford one. Once you start benching, that self confidence will pull through. Buy whey isolate for your midday snacks. Eat 6 small meals a day. Cut out the junk food. Listen to your favorite music when you are working out. It just gives oneself so much of an energy boost. This will be just the beginning of a new journey.

[MasterKhan]

I started going to the gym last year January of 2015. It's now been 1 year since I been going. I use to be 215 now I'm at 170. I just need to stop eating junk food all the time.

[Southern_Shorty]

If you are too busy seeking self validation from others, you're nnever going to be happy. Start searching yourself and find things YOU like about yourself. If you don't like it, change it.

Your life is just that. Don't be in a rush to make things happen. Concentrate on who you are and what you're supposed to become. Keep your head up and don't Waller around in the mully grubs.