I keep getting into situations in which people don’t see my worth? Am I doing something wrong?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if it’s my attitude, or I just am unlucky and keep bumping into people who try to undermine my self worth. This happens in almost all areas of my life. Recent examples: I went through the recruiting process for a job I was really excited about. I felt like I was a good match for them and did receive an offer, but it was a terribly bad offer (20k less than my current salary), and when they communicated it to me they said “it’s much lower than your salary expectations, but it’s what we’d offer based on your profile and experiences”. That hurt. In my dating life, I often bumped into guys that I found great, and instead of just turning me down since the beginning, they first led me on for months only to let me know afterwards I wasn’t good enough for them. I always have the impression friends don’t really value me either, they often forget about me and in groups, I’m always made feel like I’m the last choice or the “spare” that doesn’t really need to be invited but if someone cancels, than I’m invited to fill his place.

am I doing something wrong…?

[MrOracle]

You are doing several things wrong, in my opinion.

Let's start with the job. If you want to get a better job, you need to be able to show how you have done with the one you have. The best way to do this is to have numbers.

Compare: "I am a really strong salesperson" vs. "I sold 180,00 units in 2020, 215,000 units in 2021, and 240,000 units in 2022, which is 15% higher than the second-place salesperson."

Whatever your job is, if you can get statistics that show your accomplishments with real numbers, that communicates to the people hiring you that you understand what really matters: the numbers. Lots of people might FEEL that they're great at their job, but their numbers tell another story - part of that story being that they don't care to even learn what their numbers are. If you bring in numbers, that shows that you put your provable performance first, ahead of your "feelings", and THAT is something that most employers will value highly, and it makes it much easier to get your requested salary. It also helps if you can quote salary ranges for similar jobs at a similar level of productivity. Without real numbers, potential employers can make up anything they like, and they're motivated to get you for as little money as they can get away with.

As for dating, you also need to set expectations UP FRONT, and you need to vet your potential partners right from the start - meaning, your first several dates should include considerable amounts of conversation, that covers important areas of long-term compatibility. You need to focus on his morals, values, and life-goals, and make sure the two of you have long-term compatibility. Often you won't, and that's to be expected, but it also means you end things immediately if you don't, and move on to the next guy. This takes some backbone, but you need to break things off before you get emotionally (or sexually) attached if they don't have long-term potential. Yes, this means you can't just pick guys because they are hot or exciting - you need to pick them based on their morals, values, and life-goals. Otherwise, the chances of anything lasting is near zero.

None of this is especially difficult, but if you don't do these things, you can't expect great outcomes - rather the opposite, in fact. If you DO start doing them, though, you can expect your outcomes to improve, perhaps significantly, over time.

[Anonymous]

It’s important to recognize that your self-worth is not defined by other people's perceptions of you or their treatment of you. It's possible that you may be encountering people who don't see your worth, but it's important to remember that this is not a reflection of your value as a person.

It may be helpful to reflect on your own self-perception and to consider if there are any patterns or behaviors that may be contributing to these experiences. For example, do you tend to downplay your achievements or skills? Do you struggle with setting boundaries or expressing your needs and values in relationships?

It's also important to recognize that external factors, such as biases or discrimination, may play a role in how others perceive or treat you. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals, such as a therapist or counselor, who can offer guidance and support as you navigate these experiences.

Remember, you are worthy and deserving of love, respect, and success, and it's important to prioritize your own self-care and growth as you navigate your interactions and relationships with others.

[OlderAndWiser]

The people who surround you are the ones you have chosen to be in your life. What are you doing to choose people who judge you unfavorably?

[SnowedIn]

Our perceived value rarely (almost never) matches what other's measure of our value is. That's NOT a good measuring stick.

As for the job, you forgot one important factor: the company wants to get as much of you for as little salary. So, the salary will NEVER reflect your value not because you don't have value but because they're not willing to pay that value. No job does/will.

So, stop worrying about value and make the choice to be the best you that you can be.

[FilmGuy93]

Of course you're doing something wrong. You don't have a healthy sense of boundaries and self worth, so abusive people can sense that and try to exploit you.

I used to be the same way. I had tons of unhealthy relationships until I finally became more comfortable in my own skin.

[KrakenAttackin]

You have an exaggerated sense of importance and worth.

[slatyb]

Ask a counselor.