I lost weight and NOW he wants me?!?! WTF?

[Anonymous]

So I've been friends with a guy for about four years or so now and I was overweight throughout our whole friendship. However, in the spring of 2010 (About April) I started working out and dieting and I've lost 80lbs and now a size 4/6 and am pretty happy about my figure and I simply feel great and yada yada yada..

Anyway lately this guy has been giving me lots of compliments on my physical appearance, he's way too touchy/feeling now, he always wants to go out with me, he flirts with me, and he's even asked me out a few times but I always laugh it off as if he's joking when I know darn well he really isn't. Now, I will admit that I liked him, but I realized nothing would ever happen between us because he definitely did not want a big girl, and I understood that so I never made my crush known.

But, now It is very weird and I DO NOT want anything to do with him. Because in my mind, if he didn't want me when I was fat then he shouldn't want me now. I'm the same person, but my physique has changed. He doesn't like me for me, he just likes what he sees. Am I right?

Guys and girls is that a fair way to look at this situation? I've had many guys who I've known for years now take interest in me now that I'm skinny/in shape and I will not give them the time of day because I find it extremely aggravating how they just expect me to say "yes, I'll go out with you" just because they like what they see now.

Am I ridiculous for thinking this way? And guys, can you give me your perspective on this? how do I get him to back off. I prefer him as my good friend, not a guy trying to get with me. It's very annoying.

[YouKnowThatGuy]

No, I pretty much completely disagree. If I'm not attracted to a girl, I won't go out with her. Weight plays a part in attraction. You changed and you are attractive to him now, what's the big deal? I'm an overweight guy (for the time being, I'm perfectly alright with it), and I've been rejected before because I'm overweight. I don't hold a grudge about it, and I wouldn't reject them back down the line if they were interested because I lost weight. I might end up rejecting them for plenty of reasons, but just because they weren't attracted to me at the time isn't one of them.

I consider losing weight to be one of the easiest things to change. I've done it before, but for the past couple years I preferred partying, eating whatever I wanted, and doing whatever I felt like. I guess I don't hold a grudge about somebody not being attracted to me since I'm overweight because I get it.

Granted for me, once a friend, always a friend. So in this situation, just because you lost weight I don't think I would start trying to get with you. Years of being a friend, you stay in the friend zone indefinitely. Looks are the first thing we go on. If I see you, and I'm not attracted, you will likely always be just a friend, no matter how good looking you get down the road. Because my mind was already made up.

This guy you are talking about could be the shallow type because he's willing to blow off your years of friendship just because you are physically attractive now. Unless of course, by friends you mean talk to each other every once in a blue moon. In that case I'd say no.

[snackeyg]

I'm glad you don't give them a chance. They don't deserve it. Size 4/6 is a great size even.

[Slavanna]

If you don't like him, as in his personality and looks, don't date him. But, if you're only rejecting him because he's more attracted to you now than he was before... I wouldn't do that, really.

Me personally, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to go out with a guy I find physically unattractive (poor hygene, awful smell, obesity, taller than 6" or all of above), but if he changed what I don't like about his appearance (though obviously he cannot make himself shorter) I would totally try and ask him out. It's normal.

I think that being vengeful for his not liking the fatter you before can only turn out counterproductive if you like him as a person.

[Niko-r]

Don't go for him, he didn't deserve you then and he still doesn't now.

[shacodraco]

are you really that surprised? really?! most guys don't like overweight girls. I sound like a shallow douche but I speak the truth.

you'll just have to tell him you don't see him that way and you don't want to ruin your friendship by dating him. basically "friend zone him". I swear I'm gonna make a TV show called "The Friend Zone" someday lol.

[jetz80]

So you're penalising the guy for maintaining a friendship with you even when he didn't find you attractive.

How terrible of him? /s

He should have anticipated your weight loss and faded away, then suddenly reappeared to proclaim his love. Then you'd be thinking about how romantic he was.

Think about this. Now that you're attractive, all sorts of random guys will show interest. Yet, none of them were ever friends with you. And they are only interested in you because you are attractive.

[Jack776]

Skinny girls are more attractive. You are more attractive now (probably). You can be with some stranger that thinks your attractive. Or a friend that does. If you don't like his personality or are not attracted back then tell him straight up. Aggressive or dominant women are a turn off for most. Use that

[Anonymous]

Don't do it ! I've been in the same position as you except the guy was an old school friend and ended up being an asshole and when I rejected him he basically verbally abused me about obvious insecurities . Guys that shallow are dangerous

[nermalinda]

yep he's shallow. tell him you're not interested.

[Gregs]

it's pretty straight forward I think