My friend has done surgery at 17 and 20 (nose and breast). When I see her pictures, I can’t recognize her. She edits her nose a lot, makes her body thinner etc, a whole different person. She never takes natural pictures and always uses filters on her face. It’s so obvious all my friends tell me about it everytime she posts a new picture of herself.
She told me once that she notices every « imperfection » in everyone and that her boyfriend should have a nose job. It shows how much she is obsessing about body image.
I asked her 2 times why she was editing her pictures and she denied. Now when she asks my opinion about her photos before posting on Instagram, I just tell her she is pretty. It is very disturbing to call her pretty when I know it is not her real self. She is one of my best friends and I don’t want to have an argument with her, but it bothers me to validate this unhealthy behaviour.
How can I tell her she has body image issues and should seek professional help instead of more editing and surgery? Do you think she realize what she is doing?
Any similar story or opinion are welcome !
Updates
+1 y
This is NOT a picture of my friend (picture was found online).
My best friend (22F) over edits her photos. How can I tell her she is struggling with body image issues?
I kind of have this problem, although I don't overuse filters to such an extreme. Although I do get my portraits airbrushed and "fixed". I have a short, "fat" neck and I hate it, however as of late I make it more prominent in photos and couple it with big glasses and a smiling expression to convey a friendly, harmless and overall bonary impression. I also get my teeth fixed and my skin pores airbrushed out.
As for your friend, she sounds profondly insecure and on a dangerous path - editing is harmless up to a point, but surgery is worrying. She could resort to go to quack surgeons, or even undergo excessive interventions and even mutilate herself. In that case, I'd suggest strongly reccomending her to start seeing a therapist, and sort out the psychological issues that lead her on this path. Also I have to ask, where are the parents in this? What do they think of their daughter obsession? Do they ignore it, encourage it, or tried to make her stop?
PS Below are my official, airbrushed and idealized portrait (first one), and a more natural, still slightly brushed actually photo, to give an idea about the differences.
Hey, finally a serious answer, thank you so much. The difference between my friend’s pictures and yours is that.. I almost see any differences between your photos and I can recognize that this the same person in both pictures. By the way, I prefer the second picture with the natural you, you don’t need to change anything :)
Thank you for pointing out the parents. I don’t know what they are exactly thinking, but I think they encourage her as they paid for the surgery. Her breast surgery was her present for her 20th birthday.. The younger sister also edits her pictures (but not as much) and the mother is used to liposuction sessions.
I also think she will have surgery again in the next years. I would like to let her know that she takes a « dangerous path » as you say well, and to advise her to seek help, but I don’t know how to proceed without risking our friendship (10years!).
Thank you for your kind words, I wholeheartedly appreciate them!
As for the situation with your friend, it's worrying that the family encourages her. She might be feeling pressured by them. I'm sorry to say that there isn't any safe way of convincing her to get help without the chance of her getting offended. It could be that the family is not aware of the extent of her obsession, but maybe there's a chance they'll still stop her from going too far... a slim chance though. I'd suggest sitting down with her and patiently and delicately tell her how much you are worried for her and care for her wellbeing. Then point out the issues you see and reassure her that she looks beautiful and doesn't need to keep retouching herself and see imperfections in people. Then suggest seeing a therapist, just to talk and express her feelings.
Hand her these two pictures side-by-side. Tell her that you are concerned and there to talk - without judgment - if she wants to talk. That is all you can do.
Lots of people edit their photos for Instagram, but if she’s edited it to the extent of the picture you posted, could it be possible she’s suffering from BDD? Thing is as her friend you can only support her, if you tell her she’s insecure she might get defensive. Like it’s embarrassing for her to have people not recognise her at talk behind her back. But at the same time if it is BDD she may not be receptive to any help you give her.
Thanks for answering. I also think she might get defensive and if it is BDD, as you say well, she won’t admit or even understand she has issues and won’t be ready to get help. I’m afraid it get worse with time ! Her self-image is so distorted.
It depends I would say. If she is making herself thinner then maybe u should just help her in that and motivate her for healthier lifestyle. That would build her confidence and eliminate that issue. Light edit is fine. She must be doing too much which brings it to notice so much
It’s not only about getting slimmer, she makes a nose way smaller, blurry her face, makes her lips bigger, change the size of her face / chin. She even makes her chest longer..
Then just motivate her and give her confidence. I doubt just saying to her will make her stop. If u talk about it too much it won't be good either. If she is in relationship then that person has better chance.
You’re right maybe her boyfriend would be more helpful, but I have no idea of what he thinks of this whole situation, and I don’t know him personally. I‘ll keep this in mind! I really wonder if he also finds this behavior disturbing or if he is okay with that. Thank you for your help !
Aww that's too bad. Yeah, she's probably insecure. But being insecure isn't always bad, maybe she just needs new friends that are into that sort of thing, to take away the moral aspect of cosmetic alterations. Changing your body doesn't have to be 'bad' if it makes you more confident about yourself. I wouldn't recognize my friends if they went boy haircut and wore boys clothing and walked like a guy. It's just a transition like any other.
She most definitely has body image issues or she she wouldn't be doing all that. Have you talked to her about it? It won't do much good though, unless she's willing to listen and believes what you say.
First times it surprised me so I told her about it. She denied everything and pretended to know nothing about editing apps. She even started to make fun of other girls editing their pics to make me believe she would never do the same. Now I’m afraid that she would take it badly if I try to have this conversation again.
I hate to see east Asians lightening their skin tone with filters. It makes them look very unnatural. They start off the make up as normal girls and end up looking like super fair aliens
Like honestly instead of just lying to yourself women who want to look good need to put in real physical effort. Stay inside out of the light for light skin. Do cardio and diet whatever to lose fat. Picture editing does nothing.
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