How do I get over the fury concerning the passing of my mother?

[Anonymous]

My mother passed away about two weeks ago,and the pain of it is rather substantial.I don't want to do anything...its a task to even get up throughout the day.I'm trying to not isolate myself but it's proving to be extremely difficult.In addition to the pain of it all,I'm experiencing a tremendous amount of anger in regards to her death.Its not just anger...its rage. My mum wasn't the healthiest person,and the latter part of her life was a series of disappointments,failures and health scares and concerns.I visited her in February and I was shocked at how quickly her health had diminished since I last saw her.There's so much more to this story,but I will leave it at that.I just don't know how to get over the rage I feel everyday concerning it. Also,i just feel like I don't want to be bothered by anyone.

I feel as though she left me here...I'm parent-less.I Just don't know what to do with myself anymore.In February,i turned 27.I dunno...i just thought I had more time with her...

[moaterboat]

I lost my mom to cancer seven weeks ago. Although I can't say that I know exactly what you are going through as everyone is different, I do understand how frustrating and hopeless the whole thing can make you feel. You will probably feel a myriad of emotions over the coming weeks and months, and it is important that you realize that everything you feel is completely natural, and you should not feel guilty for going through your grieving process. Rage is a perfectly natural reaction to the pain you are feeling, against an indifferent world, against friends and family, against yourself for feeling guilty about not spending more time with her, and even against your mom for leaving you.

You're angry and that's okay. You don't have to justify your feelings to anyone.

Rather than try and fight it, embrace it. It is the best way to work through it. Go ahead and be bitchy to people, your friends will understand (or they aren't real friends) and strangers will just let it roll of their back. If you are angry at your mom, which like I said, is natural and acceptable, try writing her a note that explains why you feel like she left you and why it isn't fair. Let your rage drive what you write, you need to let it all out instead of keeping it bottled up.

If you are angry at yourself, well that is the tricky part. I know that I felt guilty for not spending enough time with my mom while she was still alive. This isn't something you can go back and change. What's done is done. The best thing you can do is to learn a lesson from all this, which is probably exactly what your mother would want. It is unfortunate that we need such a harsh reminder of the fragility of life, but once you face something like this, it helps you understand that every moment you have to spend with the people you care about is precious, because once they are gone, that is all you have. Take that lesson to heart, and once your anger starts to diminish, make a point of getting in touch with friends you haven't spoken to in a while. Make plans to spend quality time with the people you care about, so that next time you have to deal with losing someone you love, it will be just a little bit easier.

Grieving is not an easy process, but it is something that every human has to deal with. Just hang on and take things one day at a time. Every day things will get a little bit easier.

I hope this helps. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. If you need to talk about it or just need to someone to complain to, feel free to message me.

[Asker]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom.Ive been allowing myself to be alone and grieve.Ive been allowing myself to feel the anger.I guess I'm just afraid that this anger I feel is going to become a permanent staple in my personality.Another friend of mine,his mother passed and since then he has been the most bitter person towards the world.This happened to him 4yrs ago. I guess I can sort of understand his anger as well. Also,friends of mine were stiill nonchalantly asking me to hang out or call

[Asker]

like nothing even happened.And all I'm thinking is,wtf?!?Why don't you understand that I just need to be left alone for a bit.So there behavior just makes me even more upset because there is a lack of understanding whereas I have to blatantly tell them I can't be around anyone right now.I often want to go out and continue to be social,but as of now...i just feel so disconnected from everyone and almost everything almost as if I just don't care.

[dustyrusty]

i know how it feels , I lost mine last year 4th jan ..its very hard to get over but its life you knw someday u'll have to move on. similar thing happened to me her health degraded so fast I ws nt there wen she ws ill but she died in my arms only. for few months I ws like I cnt brreath ...all you can do is fulfil her dreams for u, remember watever the best time you spent with her don't think abt y she has gone.

i have never talked to ny one this but if you feel like sharing something m there...

may her soul rest in peace...

[LittleMissGriff]

Just let yourself feel. If you're angry, sit down and let yourself BE ANGRY. Let it wash over you, let it run it's course, and you'll be dead tired afterward, but you'll finally be able to figure out what makes you angry, whether it's reasonable to be angry over it, and if not, how to start picking up the pieces.

You don't have to run off into the sunset. It's good not to isolate yourself, but you are allowed to grieve. Having a friend who understand that, sometimes, you need to be able to sit down and rant about everything and how much it hurts, and how much you don't care about anything else, and just have them give you a hug and say 'it's ok' is important.

You're two months in. I hate to tell you, you've still got a long time to go. The more you accept your grief, though, the sooner it can be broken down into manageable pieces.

I've been there. Just keep going, even when you don't care. One day, you will.

[elements]

I've never experienced the loss of a parent, so I don't know what you're feeling, but I have experienced loss of other family members and friends. The thing that helped me the most was keeping with my daily routine, but still allowing myself enough alone time to think and to grieve. I think it's normal for you to feel so strongly about this -- it's only been 2 weeks, after all. However, if time continues and you find that after a number of months or years, you're still feeling this way, then perhaps seeking professional help would be a good idea.

I'm sorry for your loss, by the way. I genuinely hope you start to feel better soon.

[ThenThereWas1]

I would recommend you have a few therapy sessions. Even if you went once a week for a month. A therapist can help you process and understand your feelings. Therapy has helped me overcome such difficult struggles and sorrows in my life. Some people feel shamed or insulted when someone says that therapy would help them. But truth is, I think everyone needs a therapist. Even my therapist has a therapist. Just know everything you're feeling is normal. And if you take care of those feelings early on, you'll be a lot better off later in life.

[shiller]

Firstly I want to send my condolences. I currently haven't lose my mother. But over the last few years I lost my Godmother, and grandmother with whom I was close to.

I can only say that you are going though grief at the moment hence the despondency. Allow yourself to grieve and continue trying to function. If you want to be alone I don't see why you shouldn't be although your friends will naturally want to help. The rage is possibly of feeling abandoned and maybe in time you might view this differently.

[curiouschica]

I think time will help ease the pain. In the meantime, maybe you can try meditation and enjoying nature...might calm your mind. Dwelling on the past is inevitable, but you eventually have to continue with your life. That's what she would have wanted you to do. No one can really explain death but it's something we all will face at some point in our lives. We just gotta keep forging ahead in the meantime and living it for those who are no longer able...Wish you the best!