How can I heal from an abortion?

Question

I'm having a lost of stress rn and yes I being selfish. But I can't be round my boyfriend's family. I've had a lot of mental health problems and I've isolated myself from them.

I know, it's my fault and I didn't deal with it when it happened. I regret not getting therapy and talking to anyone. My therapy isn't going great, as I am in tears most if the time. I'm in anti depression medicine and I am self harming.

It is hard. I am not a monster. I just couldn't cope with being a parent and I still can't now. I cry everytime I see children or hear them, hence why I can't be round my nephew.

My boyfriend's sister and her husband knows. Obviously my boyfriend knows but that's it. I feel ashamed for some reason and I have no idea why, this happened 4 years ago at this point.

I'm sorry as I don't know what this is. Can anyone help please and be nice. How do I heal? I'm so lost in life right now 😔

Emelina · Accepted Answer

Sorry to hear you're dealing with a lot of emotions right now, and being 4 years since your abortion. Don't blame yourself for the mistake, and it wasn't just you that made the mistake it takes two to make a baby right? You as a woman made a hard decision in not being a mother bc of the living circumstances and the fact you weren't ready to be a parent at that time, and may be you never had the intention of ever wanting kids at all... but reality is this child was made and he or she is gone for a good reason and the best as a parent you done is to let this baby go as you knew this little angel wouldn't have had a good child hood bringing. It sounds like 4 years ago you weren't ready to grief and express how you felt when you aborted the baby, also your hormones would be out of wack and a lot I think you have is post pottern depression that needs to be sorted out medically if not treated properly it would impact and effect your life in a negative way forever until you receive the help you need by a medical professional. Now I think you are ready to begin the healing grieving process of the death of your child; get couselling- the more you talk about your experience and how it made you feel about the abortion, the better you will feel and you wouldn't feel so much guilt as like I said it took two to make one, not just you. What's done is done, and the only way to move forward now is to face the problem head on, its not an easy journey but you need to walk through the fire before you get to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Never ever think that you are bad bc of a mistake, it happened and you can't change it, so change what you can change, and know that you did something unique for your little angel that no one could love a little one like you have done, bc this little angel wouldn't have had the joy life. Raising kids isn't easy, and even though we as humans love sex it happens to the best of us, and we need to give ourselves permission to forgive ourselves for the mistake that was done. Now I am against abortion totally, but I also know and mature enough to see why some parents choose to abort... and that would depend on what kind of life you find yourself in at that present moment. As hard as it may be, keep pushing yourself to get outside, surround yourself with support from family who you trust completely only, friends, and medical professionals cousellor and your doctor. Self care yourself, do something you enjoy doing like painting, coloring, writing, exercising, swimming, walking, having a pet dog or cat, just something that you know it would keep your mind thinking positive. Keep yourself extremely busy so you don't have enough time to stew over your emotions and depression. If you still feel self harming ask your doctor for change in your medication as some antidepressants stop working or it needs to be increased or decreased in the dosage. You are unique woman, and you got this, and you reaching out for support here, it sounds like you are one strong young lady, and ready to heal this broken heart and guilt that has been there for 4 years... remember it will take time to heal and not an over night, you will have ups and downs as long as you know that those feelings will not feel good at the time but it will pass and breath in and out. Don't listen to others about how wrong it is to had an abortion bc its done and you can't turn the clocks around, so bashing someone that gone through it already it isn't revenlant to what's at the present moment. Life is full of surprises, we aren't perfect but we learn very well from our mistakes not to repeat it again and to forgive ourselves for what that mistake was and move on. You are also not alone either, there's other woman who have gone through this too, and they feel guilty, shameful, depressed, anxiety seeing others with kids or infants, and etc.
Take care and know that there's a big God that loves you unconditionally ❤️. Be always easy on yourself, you're a good person. Higsss xx

desidoll · Accepted Answer

As someone who is pregnant now, I just wanna say that I am truly sorry for what you have to go through. I know it is not an easy journey. Your therapy isn’t going on well because you refuse to forgive yourself. You need to have self-empathy. Nobody can help you if you keep punishing yourself like this. It only makes things worse as the time goes by. Do not see only the bad sides of it. You mentioned that you chose this decision because you are not ready to be a parent. You did nothing wrong here. It is your body and you know what’s the best for you and your life. I believe one day, you will be set free from this guilt. Sending hugs to you ❤️❤️❤️

ObscuredBeyond · Accepted Answer

Abortion is never the answer, no matter how much you dread the idea of parenting. Abortion destroys women. Especially with the psycho activists trying to return drugs to the market that were rightfully banned for how unsafe they are, such as RU-486!

Don't listen to the death cults. I get you feel like you don't deserve a second chance, and that makes sense. But you should ask yourself what kind of household you and your boyfriend intend on building. The sense behind your future relationship depends on it.

Just remember: even Abby Johnson was in your position once, until God turned her around. The movie Unplanned was made based on her life story!

If someone that far gone can heal, so can you. If your boyfriend cares about your healing though, he'll take pains to avoid tempting you to make the same mistakes. That may require the two of you to abstain from sexual activity until he puts a ring on you. In which case, don't sweat the ring. Concentrate on the marriage after.

The best wedding I've ever been to wasn't in a church, and didn't involve a golf house being rented out. It was a courthouse shotgun wedding, and the reception was at Applebee's. But that couple is still together, stronger than ever.

Concentrate on healing your soul. Too much materialistic emphasis will be your undoing.

See, you and I have the opposite problem. You fear getting respect you don't feel you deserve from a child that's yours that you're unprepared to deal with and therefore don't want. And that fills you with shame. I feel left out of the process, and feel a need to teach my nephews and nieces whatever important life lessons their parents get too busy to teach them. I want to be around them a lot, teaching them, saddened by the thought of the children I could never have, and not for lack of trying.

You have a boyfriend, but are afraid of losing him. I have a minefield of a life, and feel like every new woman is just bait, and suspect I'm walking into a trap if I take the bait. So suspecting she's bait, I'm looking everywhere for the switch, so whoever is pulling the con will walk away disappointed when I get them busted.

You've had to get treatment for depression. I've had to get treatment for anxiety. Your motto is: "Will I ever be right again?" Mine is: "Not today, Satan!"

Hang in there. You'll heal. I suspect your sorrow over your mistakes will fade long before I stop feeling like I have to fight some sort of war.

exitseven · Accepted Answer

Your situation has a lot of moving parts. You have both physical and psychological fallout. Even after 4 years the effects are still with you.

I knew somebody who lost her baby a few days before the due date, She fell down a flight of stairs. It was a collection of hormones and guilt and pain. It really was horrible. I was 20 years old when i met her and did not know anything about post partum depression or anything else like that.

I think that continuing therapy will help and you need to try and forgive yourself. You were too young to take on such a big responsibility and you thought you were doing what was right for you at the time. i do not know all the details but I know that these things don;t get better on their own.

BCRanger10 · Answer

Hello. I am very sorry that you are dealing with this.

I'm not sure what resources you've sought out before, but may I recommend a ministry called Project Rachel? They do counseling and post-abortive retreats for women and, I believe, men as well (abortion impacts men too).

Here is a link to their Contact Us page on their website...https://hopeafterabortion.com/?page_id=1161

Also, be assured of my prayers for you and for your family 🙏

marish01 · Answer

I imagine how painful the feeling of guilt feels.

I haven't read others' replies but I'm sure there will be prochoice people who will tell you you made the right decision and that unborn is not a baby. Maybe that is the answer you are looking for and hencd why you made this question. But looking for justification for your act is not the right thing to do. You've already made the right decision by regretting it. I am sure remorse is what keeps people from committing the same mistake again. Don't justify your bad actions, just acknowledge you made a mistake.

I think the only healthy way of getting rid of this stress is having babies.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Your body has experienced loss and it’s gonna take a long time to heal from this. The deed is already done so no point in continuing to beat yourself up over it. No point in finding things to blame either. You made the choice.

You just have to make the choice to do better after this. Refrain from sex and intimacy until you’re fully stable again and talk to your boyfriend as well. Remain in therapy, but make it a focus to get better, not just talk about it. Listen to what you say and how you say it. Understand how you feel and accept things for what they are.

lorenzomichael · Answer

Listen I know it's hard making such a decision as have an abortion. My wife and I had one before when we were just 16 and 17. After we went to a hotel and cried together, and didn't really say a word to each other. However only close family knew about our decision we had made. We were to young and neither of us had a job. Time was our friend and eventually we got through it together. Years later when we turned 25 we got married, five years later she gave me a son, 3yrs later I gave her a little girl. So what I'm saying is don't beat yourself up it's not the end of the world, and your not a terrible person. Just move on from this and you'll be fine. We are all doing great. My wife became a family lew attorney, I became a union ironworker, my son now 24 became a LA county firefighter and my baby girl 20 is in her second yr at Michigan university. God bless you and take care of yourself.

JaneDoe08 · Answer

It is understandable you feel these emotions, both because of psychological and physiological reasons. You mourn your unborn child, and your body is coping with losing it.

I have to ask why you didn't consider adoption? Even if you weren't ready for parenthood, you wouldn't have been bound by it if you didn't want to be?

serious_miss419 · Answer

I’ve had 5 pregnancies and Two full term healthy babies that I wanted. The other three I didn’t want and I don’t feel bad. As a parent you have to take care of yourself first before you can be well enough to be a good parent to you kid (s).

Try exploring the idea that your medication may not be working well for your brain chemistry. A counsellor is better than a psychiatrist.

Smashingdoozy · Answer

Keep up with the therapy, I know it may seem pointless if you're just crying but its not, it shows you're processing the feelings which is a good thing! Grieving is normal! You will feel better and be able to have a conversation about it eventually and work through coping strategies.

stepyo99 · Answer

You killed your baby and continue to lie to yourself that abortion is "health care". I don't have any sympathy for you. You are a monster and you deserve everything bad that's happening to you right now. All of it is deserved. I hope you have a long, painful regret-filled life.

DizzyDesii · Answer

You didn’t think about the physical and mental consequences before going through with this? Anyways, I’m sorry to hear you’re in pain. Even though I do consider your actions fcked up, I’m sorry you’re in pain. I don’t like to see anyone hurt, even if i disagree with their doings. Please seek therapy and open up to your loved ones about your feelings so they can be there for you

lucky00909 · Answer

Don't think as you done a sin you made a mistake but never done that again and never forget it and remember it don't to that again and change your life stop seeing negatives in your life see what is good in life Change your life circle make something good if you feel bad or you loss a child then help other kid think other as your own do something you helping means don't take responsibility just help him studying or get him or her good place to live do something good first only you wasted four years in Being guilty try to help other and make your own help for yourself no going to come say as you like or think everyone there own advice or they show you your bad because on one cares about you just take good advice and leave the bad ones and try to make good relationship with children it doesn't mean you have to be mother to see any child good
If you want to talk massage me

AngryCarl2 · Answer

I think you're right that you're not ready for motherhood. It would be hard on a child to bring them up while you're suffering from mental health issues. But you've also lost a child and that's added to your trauma. So stick to the therapy and don't read any of the comments bar this one. I wish you good luck.

CB-Raido-Time · Answer

Accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

Nothing to be ashamed of or cry over. You saved yourself a while lot of trouble and money by aborting the little fucker. Who let's be honest, never existed to begin with

Anonymous · Answer

Go to a church, they'll make sure to gossip about you being a murderer, but they will tell you about Jesus.

For a solution that works in the real world, try a therapist, these things can be traumatic and we can all use a person to talk things out with.

Good luck.

AngelLily · Answer

I’ll message you. This should be a more private talk

Mallic00 · Answer

You acknowledgeing your selfishness is better then most, and I respect you for that. That said there is no way to get over or heal from an abortion. You just learn to livw with it.

ohsheeT · Answer

Hey. Can you Dm me please. I really would love to chat with

OddBeMe · Answer

This is the result of misinformation about pregnancy. You likely took a pill that jump started your period and riddled itself of a fertilized egg. Hardly murder.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Don't listen to the hate-mongers on here. You did what you had to do. You will heal, but it takes time.

LimitedBenefits101 · Answer

"abortion is health care". ahh justifying murdering the baby, 0 sympathy, once a murder always a murder.

How can I heal from an abortion?

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