Do you believe the person you want when you’re healthy is the same person you want when you’re in trouble?

[jennifer_bloom]

I caught covid during the 13th day of my 17 day cruise and my symptoms only bothered me for one night where I had unpleasant joint pain. Now my sickness feels like a very weak cold infection and is no more annoying than a inconsequential mosquito bite.

I was thinking, I would not want to be a burden to the disabled guy I used to like if I became sick and needed to be taken care of instead of caring for him.

[JoePro_]

I dated a woman who had no clue how to take care of someone when they were sick. I don't know if it was a lack of education thing, or being uncomfortable taking care of someone else, or what. I sometimes wonder if she had a small learning disability of some sort because of other little things I noticed during the relationship. Anyway, she didn't have any apparent fear of sickness, but just totally lacked sensibility and caring qualities when it was needed, even when I set the example a few times when taking care of her when she was sick. Granted, not everyone wants to be cared for in the same way, and you have to learn that along the way, but with her, it was like caring for someone in a bad situation was totally and entirely outside her wheelhouse. She lacked the faculties for it, and it was a major "turn off" in a manner of speaking. I can't imagine being worse than sick, majorly injured let's say, and her have any clue how to handle the situation. It was terrifying thinking about any kind of future with her because I wouldn't be able to rely on her, and then if we had kids together? The mother's usually the first responder to anything the baby needs. Anyway, it bothers me even thinking about it, because of how vulnerable I felt when I was sick around her, and how she didn't know how to do anything to make me feel like I was being taken care of.

[QuickToAsk]

That sounds rough. I'm sorry that you went through that. What are some examples of how she acted?

[JoePro_]

@QuickToAsk In terms of someone being sick. She would just avoid them or stay out of the way. Not like it was malicious. That was never the feeling. But like, she just wasn't there, wasn't present.

In terms of possible learning deficit, while it might take a time or two for me to realize and remember not to do something that might bother her, and maybe I was able to determine how I was messing up based on her body language or general attitude, you know "reading a person", I'd make the change.

On the other hand, she didn't seem to have any ability to read social cues in the same way, for anyone, unless they were outright pissed. And then in those cases, she wouldn't always be sure what they were upset about, like she had difficulty mentally reviewing what she recently did that might have caused an issue. I'd ask her after a situation, "So you have no idea why they were upset?" And she'd be like "I don't know." And I'd try to be like "Well, what all things did you do or say right before they were upset?" Sometimes she'd not remember something because maybe it just wasn't a memorable part of the interaction for her, or sometimes she's say the thing, but not realize that was the thing.

And then even if you were verbally explicit about something that bothered you, she'd say she would fix it, with (I think) a genuine intention to fix it, but then forget. So you say it again, 5 or 6 times, until I'm finally upset that she keeps forgetting at which point I'm outraged, which would always make me feel horrible after, because I hate arguments, I hate yelling. I always try to avoid it. But like... BRO, literally I've told you this 15 times now over the past 2 years and you keep saying you'll fix it. Why do you keep doing it?

It was exhausting.

[QuickToAsk]

I would want the same person still.