I gained weight after suffering and starving?

I feel so bad bc it was really hard on me I feel like all my barf work is fine and I hurted my health
I was so dizzy and tired and had everything bad
But then I binged est and I gained all the weight back
I feel like my HARD WORK is goneeeee
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It's like a never ending cycle , starve binge repeat I never threw up my food and I know if I tried I'll get addicted to it But how do I end this it's a nightmare I'm really tiredddddd
I gained weight after suffering and starving?
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