How does trauma play into your fantasies?

So i know the nonconsensual consensual play and bdSm can be linked to trauma and can influence what you get turned on by. Concerning myself, I've had a lot of bad experiences with men and sometimes men at work. Like this year, I switched shifts and in less than 2 months an older Asian guy who barely spoke English thought something else inside his head and while talking about work he rubbed my arm and I tried to play it off and all of the sudden he grabbed my face and tried to kiss me.
Having said that, a lot of people greet me and inquire about me when im not there. My dream turned into a bad office ron com. Our boss planned a week work trip. Each of us had different seminars, so we didn't see each other after the first day & dinner. I ended up getting spiked and taken back to my room by my manager, but it wasn't actually my room and i didn't make it to any seminars... if you know what I mean. When i returned to the office, I wasn't the same. Everyone felt it and everyone asked me if i was ok and whispered among each other. Even my boss noticed and called me into his office. All that replayed through my head was those little moments he said was flirting and I ignored him and those 3 long days with him telling me I should submit & know my place. He asked me questions and checked my body and discovered cuts. He gave me the option to either stay with him or go to the hospital and tell them what happened. Turns out he had high connections and I was labeled mentally unstable. He was able to walk in and I was unable to leave.
He said i would grow to love him or be sedated. He said he was jealous of the other coworkers because I always avoided him. That im not in the men's bathroom. That he waited long enough, watching the difference between the way i treat my other coworkers and him. What he did was a 1up on the others and that we should be official. He said, we'll get my spark back, together.
How does trauma play into your fantasies?
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