Have you ever not been that into someone because of their weight?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, have you ever been kinda on the fence about someone because of their weight or appearance in general? if so, explain a little.

Yes

No

[Anonymous]

Yes, I'm in that situation right now. I don't know what to do :(.

I met this girl on a language learning site (as part of the website, you can speak to foreign people who speak the language you are learning to practice and even rate each others tests etc) while using it I just spoke to her for weeks as friends, I found her really attractive and she also did about me. we exchanged Skype and began speaking through text for months.

She developed strong feelings for me and I did her. She shown me lots of pictures of her as I did (nothing sexual) but the pictures would always be angled in a way that you couldn't really tell her weight. her face doesn't look far, neither do her arms or upper body. I never thought anything mroe about it, I assumed she was quite thin below because she didn't look big besides her boobs. It feels like she was basically lying to me indirectly, the first time she shown me a picture of her, I noticed she had over hang belly and really fat thighs (I like thick curvy women but ones who can carry it in general but this was much more than that). I don't really feel any physical attraction to her really any more and I don't know what to do because I love her.

She also has highly bad self control and will power so it isn't as if she will suddenly change. She told me after I was shocked first time I seen her picture (I couldn't help it, I truly was surprised but didn't say anything, she just noticed my face because it was on video) that she intended to lose weight. she is exactly the same now as months ago when she told me she would lose weight and she was angry at me that I was shocked. I felt me and her would be long term, part of me wants that but if I have no physical attraction to her, can this really work? 0_o

[Asker]

can I add you and we talk on chat about it?

[Opinion Owner]

hm idk, possibly

[Asker]

well honestly, you can't help how you feel and even though it's pretty shallow of you...it is what is. she took flattering pictures and used certain angles for a reason and at the end of the day, you have to be attracted to your partner. so unless she loses weight (for herself and not for you, of course) I don't see how it will work. obviously you both value different things

[Opinion Owner]

i'm anything but a shallow guy, I'm just not attracted to over hang, I'm in shape and I only want the same, even a little overweight is fine.

[clashcity22]

Yes. My first girlfriend at the time was 5'3" and 180 pounds. She's just a little big. That pushed me off right away, but after being perusing hot girls and being rejected, I gave up on them and looked for a girl with a great personality. This is why I went for my first girlfriend and I realized that I don't mind a girl that's a little big. She has lost weight because we're trying to compete and she's winning and knows it. She doesn't let me live it down. All I know is that she's good at keeping me warm at night and she's crazy in bed and I love it

[Asker]

yeah I'm 5'3 and 170 lbs...i definitely carry it well but I know that I don't look super fit. the guy I really like is very fit...if he has hooked up with me several times, could the weight thing still be an issue?

[clashcity22]

Well you haven't really mentioned if he likes you even if you think he does. Some guys just look for sex, don't forget that.

[Asker]

well I know he likes me as a person, we're definitely pretty good friends and whenever anything happens, it usually starts with us hanging out and talking for hours and then it leads to the sex. I'd say there are romantic feelings there but not enough for him to pursue a relationship. That could be because he just isn't into me for reasons other than my weight or maybe it's entirely about my weight.

[clashcity22]

Then ask him why he's hesitating

[Asker]

he said "he's not looking for a relationship" because he is planning on moving to the east coast for grad school within in the next year but isn't that just an excuse?

[clashcity22]

Yes and No. It's really complicated. Long distance is hard to make work so maybe that's why, but he also could be just using that as an excuse. Unlikely if he actually does move. I think he may just not want to leave you with an emotional attachment and not be able to see him.

[Asker]

that's a good way to look at it. thank you for your help. :)

[Stacyzee]

I can deal with someone that is slightly or some pounds overweight.

If their personality is great, then it usually outshines their looks for me.

But if the person is severely overweight to the point where they cannot

perform normal tasks.

Then I have to ask myself, is this what I really want in a relationship?

Someone who does not care about their health or exterior?

My answer would be "no" to this.

[THChowder]

Yes... It can get to that point.

In the past, there has been guys who I've been wishy washy about due to their height, weight, and voice...

BUT there were some hot guys but their demeanor was a turn off.

There's this whole 'give them a chance!'... I'm not going to, if I'm not feeling it - Whatever the reason may be. It'll be a waste of time.

[Asker]

this guy and I had been hooking up off and on for a while and it eventually had to come to an end but a part of me feels like the reason it was never more was because of my weight. I just I was have this feeling that if I lost weight, he'd be alllll about me. Not that I would take him back at that point but I was just curious to see if other people have been in this situation

[THChowder]

Yeah, weight factors into it. Some guys would get what they want out of whoever. But they truly want a girl who is more slim, etc., (or whatever their preference is). We all want the best we can get (not to just have fun with though).. And you're probably right, he would like you more if you lost weight. You'll realize if you were to lose weight, change up your appearance somehow. The different kind of attention you'll receive.

[Asker]

i have to see him in a month and a half and I'd say I have about 15 lbs to lose (i'm a size 30, aiming to be a 28 ish)...i've been working out every day, so let's see what happens when I see him! ha ha I don't really need to change anything other than my weight. I'm definitely pretty and dress well, etc. and I don't mean that in a cocky way

[THChowder]

That's great! You have one less thing to worry about. :)

[Yellowsmurf]

Yes. I like girls with some body fat because it makes them much sexier but if I can't wrap my arms around her because she's too wide then that's a problem, I like hugging.

[snowangle]

I can honestly say it hasn't happened to me. If I'm attracted to a guy's personality, then I'm attracted to him. I see the inner beauty. :)

[Anonymous]

I got dumped by my ex because she "doesn't like fat guys" somehow after 4 years together. The kicker was that I was thinner than when we met at the time of break up. I am not fat, I am just a big guy who's got a bit of a beer belly but am proportionate. Oh well!

[Asker]

yeah that's lame. I'm sorry :/

[Opinion Owner]

Life will get her eventually. But, I wish her all the best.

[Asker]

it will ha ha my ex dumped for another girl a year and a half ago, and two days ago she dumped him for someone else. karma's a b*tch

[Opinion Owner]

That it is!

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Nope, I'm not shallow. Not shocked to see people voting A though. The world is a shallow stupid place.

[Tacoma]

Yes I don't care about a little extra but if I make a effort to stay fit she should too.

[Cyran]

I know girls who got pretty faces but who at the same time are terribly overweight and yes - it is a deal-breaker

[tiredofwaiting]

No that is not a deal breaker for me at all I care about personality not weight.