What is marriage like after being single?

[Flowergirl33]

I'm 50, female. Married at 30, divorced at 38. I was in a recent relationship for 10 years with a guy who didn't want to be married, but we were monogamous. He gave me a tremendous amount of freedom to travel alone, control my own money, make big decisions in our living situation, move us across the country and back, what to make for dinner, when I make dinner... he did a lot of cleaning, we didn't share a bank account, we slept in separate bedrooms. So due to some issues, he and I broke up. Part of it was he had no savings and didn't care to work more. He worked very part time. I bought the house. We are still friends. But I wanted a more traditional relationship regarding shared finances.

So now I've been dating a new guy. This one is divorced with an older son. He hasn't been divorced long, and he says he liked the traditional marriage he had, just that he and his ex grew apart. He believes that marriage should have a shared bank account, that we would make all decisions together, that I would need to coordinate around his schedule because he has a busy full time job, and he also fills his time with other hobbies so I woukd have to be available more when he wants to do activities together. I am ok with this, but he gets stressed from his job and then gets uptight sometimes if things dont work out as he expects. He says its ok to communicate about what I want beforehand, but I found him to be a little inflexible if things aren't discussed upfront and then I change my mind.

Anyway, what Im asking is.. is this what a lot of men expect out of marriage? He is more of an alpha type and use to others letting him lead. I do work part time and I do like to cook and be domestic, but im also use to a lot of independence and I've been the one to make big decisions because I had to, so I am use to it and I do well with that. Is this what marriage is like? I honestly was a bit of a different person in my last marriage and its been a while.

[strateguy632]

Marriage should be like partners but unfortunately separate bank accounts for each one's salary is necessary. She: 'Buy your video games from your salary"+he: "what about your ten pairs of shoes?"

[jahaims]

You are alone at 51 because you don't want to play the masculine or feminine role in the relationship but want the benefits of both.

[Flowergirl33]

Ok, so then is what he is asking a normal masculine role? It's a serious genuine question. I'm trying to see if this is how most men act or what they want, or if this guy is controlling. I'm trying guage if I just got use to wearing the pants or if he is trying to take too much control.

[AI Opinion]

Marriage can feel like a new quest with each partner! 🎮 Every relationship has its own dynamics. It sounds like you’re balancing your independence with new shared responsibilities. Many people experience adjustments with different partners’ expectations, especially with decision-making and shared time. The key is open communication—even during headset breaks! Be clear about your needs and differences in independence. Finding a balance can be like finding the right game strategy. If both are willing to listen and adapt, it can be a rewarding adventure. Keep your passions alive and remember, patience and compromise are often part of the journey. 💑

[Staximus]

You don't have to marry him, genius