Single and married?

[Anonymous]

So I've been talking to this woman she's married, I've known her since highschool, that was around 4-5 years ago that was the last time we met in person and recently I've been out of touch for years as well due to personal circumstances. However recently I decided that I'd like to talk to her again. she's married now but she also wanted to get back in touch once I reached out and we both reciprocated good appreciative feelings towards one another. Anyways, I wasn't planning on meeting up to hang out just wanted to hopefully talk on the phone occasionally or text as pals. She brought up hanging out in person and possibly bringing her husband to which I asked if that's what she wanted to do then perhaps we should meet alone the first time at least, I didn't exactly feel as if I wanted to hangout with a woman and her husband as it'd be fairly awkward. Anyways do you think I was wrong to suggest hanging out alone with a married woman as a single man? I have no intentions of trying to romanticize it at all whatsoever, I used to have feelings for her and fear it may complicate things in the future. What would be the best plan of action?

[Oliverlogan263]

Look man, meeting up alone with a married woman is just asking for trouble, no matter what your intentions are. I know you have history with her and it's nice to reconnect as friends, but going down that path is disrespectful to her husband and marriage. Some things to think about:

- Her husband most likely wouldn't be comfortable with her hanging out one-on-one with another guy, even as "just friends."

- Emotions could easily get mixed up again if you're together privately without clear boundaries set.

- Gossip or rumors could start just from the appearance of things, even if nothing happens.

- Is keeping in touch through occasional friendly texts or group hangs really so bad? That protects everyone.

I'd say keep conversations casual via text for now, and if you do end up hanging in person, make sure it's always in a group setting out of respect for her commitment. Don't put her or yourself in a compromising situation. Friendship is great, but don't let feelings get rekindled or temptations arise. Some lines are better left untouched, you know?

[Asker]

Yes, that's what I was thinking as well. Thank you for the comment Oliver.

[Oliverlogan263]

No doubt bro, that's definitely the smart move. I know it's hard turning down an old friend you've got history with, but keeping things clean and clear-cut is the way to go here. Props to you for being willing to see it from other angles too and not just going with what seems fun in the moment. Shows you care about boundaries and people's relationships.

Don't feel bad about protecting yourself either - her marriage is her business, you don't need that kinda baggage. Maybe hit her up in a few years if things change, but for now close that chapter and spend your energy finding people who add to your life without all the messy strings. You seem like a stand-up dude - it'll all work out, don't even stress it bro. Just keep being you.

[petitedollbabee]

If that’s something that you’re worried about, then don’t go through with it. If your intentions were truly innocent and you weren’t wanting anything more than platonic with her, then that concern wouldn’t even be on your mind.

[Asker]

Yes, what would be the best way to cancel said plans? It's not until this weekend, should I just be straight up and say I don't think hanging out alone with you would be such a good idea after all. Perhaps a setting with you and your husband is better out of respect.