What's wrong with me?

[artsy_dragon]

I'm thinking about going round my mother's on 24th or 27th. I don't want to spend Christmas day with her. She doesn't take no for an answer.

My boyfriend's parents have Christmas as large celebration. I not want to be their either. I'm thinking of saying I am round my mother's on Christmas Day to my boyfriends family. And then I would say to my mother I am round my boyfriends family. Then spend Christmas day alone which sounds like heaven.

I'm 23 years old. I should not be behaving like this but I am so sad. What's the point of pending to be happy when I am not? The chance of speaking to my doctors round Christmas time are slim. I don't want to be like this anymore.

Updates

+1 y

Thanks guys for the help. I've been signed off work and university until the new year. My doctor said I am having a mental episode. I'll get better hopefully. Thank you again for all the help!

[Rosexøxø]

That seems smart. When you’re sufficiently independent on your own, you can just completely ignore them, or tell them how you feel, and why you won’t be speaking to them for “a while.”

A lot of people go through this, sis.

I have certainly gone through it. 👐

We want to be “good” people and fit into these cookie cutter, picture perfect ways, that some other FAMILY or some other COUPLE did or decided, and ended up creating the “norm” for the rest of us.

Be you, be healthy.

A lot of us try to uphold these pictures… and it’s with the wrong people.. It’s with people who have hurt us time and time again, with zero consideration for how we feel, or who we are.

I personally think that idea would be great. You may feel somewhat bad during or after because of the ideology you grew up with in those environments.

If it’s what you want, COMMIT to it all the way. At least try it out for this year? 🤷‍♀️

Rest, treat yourself. Read a good book. Watch a good movie. Go out for a quick walk if you wish. Do something for you!

Make this holiday special to someone who really cares and matters.. yourself.

She may be the only person at this point in time that cares about you more than anyone else. She deserves to be loved and well rested. To live a life here that would make her giggle and smile.

Do that. Be a team with yourself. Rest today, and make this holiday one of ease and that is special. 🙏

I hope it’ll be what you want, or close to it.

There were many times I had wished similarly. Times of solitude can be a ‘recharge’ when the environment we are in is always challenging and one ☝️ of adversity.

Rest and recharge, until you have a community who will uplift 💪 you and toast with you, 🥂 and care about what they get you on Christmas 🎄.

Best to you, sis. Truly.

[Rosexøxø]

By the way, there is nothing wrong with you. Don’t let your brain get used to asking a question like that. You are not a bad or evil person. You are free to be happy too. You have just as much right of living as anyone and everyone.

You’re special. You’re deserving to live.

You’re very important and one of a kind. A true original in your model

[artsy_dragon]

Thank you so much! I know you're right and yes I will start talking 💖

[SnowedIn]

I'm sorry artsy! It sucks to feel that way. 😥

But, I don't think there's something wrong with you for not wanting to be at either place. That's cool. My only advice, though, is to own it. Just say "I'm not coming". You don't owe them an excuse or an explanation. If you give one, you say, I want alone time. That's legit.

Best wishes with it...

[SnowedIn]

Thank you for MHO!

[bowenw]

Try to get into see a doctor this coming week.

[artsy_dragon]

On Monday?

[bowenw]

Yes, the sooner the better before it gets too close to Christmas.

[bowenw]

Thank you for updating us. I hope you're feeling better soon. 🤗

[artsy_dragon]

Welcome and thank you!

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊 I hope you are feeling better now.

[Charlesbrandonf]

Being alone means, is it something you shouldn’t be doing?

[Z1pTD]

I don't know but if you ever need omeone to talk to lmk