What's wrong with me?

[Anonymous]

I observe a lot, since I was a kid. I am an introvert. But I talk to family and close friends without any hesitation. Now a days even though I am observing and thinking a lot I don't wanna speak my thoughts out. It's like sharing something you're thinking. Maybe something funny u thought or just an incident you saw. You think and when it comes to sharing it with someone it comes to the tip of your tongue and you swallow it. I don't have any energy to share. It feels pointless. I think if I share the other person will say something and I don't wanna have a conversation. I just wanna end the day without any engagement.

I met my husband last June. Started dating in July and married in December. He turned out to be an emotional abuser. Insecure and jealous about me going out without him, wearing nice clothes to work or talking to any guys. He checks my phone and makes me change my clothes. when I don't he shouts and hints that I'm going to fck my colleagues.

He gets out of control rage and if I shout back he says he'll smash my face. Later says he didn't mean it and that I should understand that he has anger issues. I've left his house because I'm not even allowed to go anywhere without his permission.

He is apologizing and crying but I'm not going back. Deep inside I know he isn't changing. His obsession and desperation is visible even when he's apologizing. But my heart hurts and wishes maybe he's changed this time. I see other people newly married and happy and dying to get back to their partners and I was always dying to get out from his grasp. I feel like it's something wrong with me and that's why he acted that way. Maybe i am supposed to be a cheater and he saw deep inside me and found me out?

If I go back I'll live in fear when he's gonna turn crazy and if I divorce maybe I'll feel alone and regret. I was a dreamer before meeting him and now I'm nothing but a corpse.

[Rosexøxø]

I say stick with your gut-

when you said “maybe” is when you started hypothesizing.

Usually this shit and I mean this SHIT is cut and dry.

I can tell you’re intellectual. I didn’t realize I shared this trait with someone as for the “is it worth sharing.” The purpose of words and if it falls on death ears or pointless/passionless/ some less/ purposeless people lol

so yeah, I get it, and No-

you’re not wrong at all for being that way in this life. You’re a rarity. Embrace it. There will never be another person like you in this life. You and I are only similar in that one small aspect. We are totally different also, and that’s a beautiful thing.

He’s abusive and no he’s not changing.

Many times who we are in our love lives is who we bloomed and developed into- it’s like a final stage. Only the open minded grow and become well rounded and those who are closed minded will only change if they see it and recognize it’s bad.

He seems rather comfortable in his ways. Who he bloomed into, and those threats could become actions and you’re not worth his mistakes and foolery.

You can do so much better, you have before, and you shall. You shall continue to do so because you have wonderful mind. Truly, a good head on your shoulders.

Cling to that. That mind and brilliance. That among the expression of your heart and the positivity of other people that they happen to share, as you embark on this world.

[Rosexøxø]

Best to you sis 🤝🙌💕💯

[Rosexøxø]

You are the corpse because you put hope into a false love and it’s letting you down. Pick a new life source.

No one can love you on that mental wavelength you wish for, but understand that other intellectuals have realized this also, and not only so, but the truth is many simple minded don’t realize it and simply vibe with others when they don’t. It’s all shallow.

I say try to embrace some of the simpler things and forms of expression.

Buy a pet if you can! They’re great teachers at living at all costs and unapologetically.

I’ve seen a depressed dog always ALWAYS willing to go outside and play ALL DAY if they’d let him. He literally pulled me out of a bad and crippling depression.

He was my teacher for that season. Get a pet for yourself to do the same.

If touch is your love language I encourage you to reach out mode to your family or friends if can. Try a cuddly pet. Try teddy bears. Try cuddlers who I don't know get paid for that I believe. Try volunteering to cuddle babies. I think that’s still a thing. Try casual dating someone who’s into cuddling and not really their mindset. (As long as they’re healthy).

Ultimately work on yourself.

Even if no one recognizes you- understand this- that, that is the BEST time to work and really push yourself forward in excelling and being progressive. No one can stop you if they’re not paying attention and bothering.

Consider this a plus and abso•fucking•lutely make this work for you sis!

Make it you/yours and make it work in YOUR favor. 😊🫂🙏🤲🤝🤟

[Craftsman]

There is nothing wrong with you, from what I'm reading.
Most of the time out of control rages get worse over time. People seem to always revert to who they really are, no matter how sincere sounding the apology and promise of reforming and changing.
Were it me, which I am not, I'd be looking for ways to get away, to get out. You sound like you have ample grounds for divorce. I doubt you 'll be alone forever, and I think you'd regret staying longer. These things escalate into physical violence, and injury is not supposed to be inflicted upon one's spouse. Destroyed dreams and sapping of life energy are also not part of the marriage contract.
In short, my thought is to get out, stay out, and first stay safe in life and living, and on the tail of that, legally remove the source of the pain. You are your own first priority. Be sure to take care of you first.

[MementoMori777]

I can relate to some of your introvert features, for example wanting to observe and not talk to anyone so if you got something wrong, I do too, either ways tho you did the right thing by picking yourself up and leaving him, he cries to manipulate, you wanted out of his grasp and now you got it, don't jump back into his grasp cause abusers are the least likely to change and you can do way better than some crybaby abuser, don't beat yourself up over anything, there's no reason or point to do so, if anything you should take a big whiff of that victory and freedom.

[Count_de_Monte_Volo]

I don’t want to learn you and increase your stress but it sounds like you should get police involved and your life is in mortal danger. I don’t know how to go about doing that, I’m just suggesting, because like you I said it’s sort of a delicate situation. Also a lot of that stuff from a logical standpoint is way crossing the line. I get there’s some reasons you feel or think you should not divorce but I think you’re not in an emotional state to think correctly. How do you get better at this time? I don’t know either besides prescribed medication. I’m just saying that as a starting point. Your situation requires literally professionals.

[Count_de_Monte_Volo]

alarm* you

[Count_de_Monte_Volo]

Also I’m an introvert and I know what it’s like to hold in words and hope people don’t talk to me. I wouldn’t say anything is “wrong” with you about that. The word alone “wrong” implies something more serious.
Some medicine prescribed by your doctor might make you happier and more extroverted if you ever feel like changing.