I want to get my boss a Christmas card and in it include a gift card to her favorite restaurant. She lost her mother late last year and since that time she seems kind of down. On her social media, she has tons of friends that are praising her mom and that she was a beautiful person. I feel that reflects in her as a legacy she left behind (my manager). I want to write her something positive to feel better and somewhere in there incorporate for to 'continue to be the beautiful person that she is' but i want to do it in a way that will be acceptable. I do hope however it is received, it will create a deep affection. Thats what I'm going for anyways. Everything I always wanted. I get butterflies around this woman, and she behaves strangely only around me. She told me her plans for Christmas said she's going to husbands side of the family and letting out a exasperated sigh when she said it.
Im not worried about repercussions as she doesn't seem the type of person for drama etc. I feel like it would be well received. I've known her for almost seven years and we talk the usual banter and watercooler if you will. So there's no issues there and she converses with me often initiating lately and likewise friendly. I dont want to make a mistake here and ruin a friendship, I think that would hurt a lot. Any suggestions would be welcome of what to write to tie all this together. I hope to do all this in the next few days.
Please see link it relates to my other question below:
What do you think of this situation? - GirlsAskGuys
What Girls Said
I like how thoughtful you are and your considerate approach. I would say something like the following to keep it professional and friendly (the restaurant gift card is cool):
"Here's a card to say thanks. I've thoroughly enjoyed working with you over the past seven years. You elevate our workspace. XYZ, XYZ, and XYZ are a few characteristics that make you a fantastic manager and asset to the XYZ team. We are grateful for everything; you mean a lot to us!"
I am assuming you like her more than a friend. Maybe consider a different perspective on your situation and ask what qualities/attributes you like about her to identify what you need in a woman and find someone you deserve (someone who will give you butterflies and vice versa).
It's never a good idea to end up with someone wooed out of a relationship. It literally means you’ll end up with a person who isn't so loyal and easily swayed (not a healthy first chapter to a relationship and more than likely a bad ending).
Oh yeah a lot. Dilemma is... we are both married. So.. I just want her to know this for some reason. It's like one of those things it keeps bothering you until it's known and when it's over you feel at ease. Hard to explain.
Can I ask why you feel dissatisfied with your current marriage? Like, what has changed for you? Is it physical, or maybe you no longer feel respected and needed?
Sure. from the beginning before we got married I tried going out with a few women. It didn't work out and I met my wife in an outing one day. Tried another time using the same method as it always had and it worked. most women would say the ole classic i have a boyfriend line or ill think about it. Anyways dated for a few years and got married in 2005. Everything was good. Ended up starting a family and been sort of coasting along all this time. Things are so far different now when they were back then. We hardly see each other always on our phones, she's always tied up at work. I find myself thinking this isn't my life anymore. I wonder what (name) is doing right now? when im off work, going to bed thinking about her, sometimes waking up thinking of her and seemingly in a hurry to get to work. even though i hardly see the boss much, when we do its like a connection like no other. I feel alive when i talk to her.
Im not sure if its women intuition, but i brought up something i was telling my wife about that happened at work, completely innocent. about having to go in her office and explain and talk about work related things. The first thing that comes out of her mouth was it sounds like you're flirting with her? are you?
Then i wonder if too if my boss can tell that I already like her like that? Without even telling her?
Can women really pickup on that?
I just want to know its a possibility in case something happens to either side of all this. That way the seed will be planted that i am infact interested in her.
Wow, you’ve been married for 17 years. High school, sweethearts?
I think at the end of the day, if you’re going to pursue this woman, you’ve intentionally placed yourself in front of the crossroads, which is having an affair or getting a divorce.
Would you consider repairing your marriage first? You might be surprised to find that spark again. I can almost guarantee your wife feels the same about your marriage. From what I gathered, your relationship has just become a bunch of mundane days and neglect of each other (hardly see each other, always on our phones, she’s always tied up at work).
Put the ball in her court; maybe express that you feel you’ve both neglected each other, that you want to feel like XYZ again, and you miss her XYZ. That you really want to commit to spending more time with each other to find that spark.
Consider putting a timeline on this; if you see no hope/improvement in X amount of time - get a divorce (consider couples counselling b4 that).
I was with a high school sweetheart for eleven years and felt similar (tho I wasn't crushing on anyone at the time); we tried to repair things but went our separate ways. I think that’s a better option than one of you having an affair. Even if nothing becomes of you and office chick - you’re still going to have an empty void within yourself and try to replace it with someone else.
My opinion is don't romantically pursue office chick; she's married. And start taking care of yourself because when you said, “I find myself thinking this isn't my life anymore”, that hit me in a sad way - the hardest battle is the one with ourselves.
When you've got three kids a mortgage car payments and everybody else is doing their own things when we are home (every body is on a device and it's dead silent besides back ground of a ceiling fan and the tv) i look around and remember a time before phones.
Nobody is suspecting a thing and the world will be turned upside down if they found out any of this including getting on here!
So time just kept getting further in time and here we are. It's simpler just staying. I don't have resources like that to just stop. I guess a little intimate action with the office chic would be nice if only I can meet with her private for like 30 min. Talk it out off duty and off record. That would help immensely. I love her background and how she was raised. I think that is what is most appealing about her and the way she talks about her husband she doesn't seem appreciative of what he has I feel.
we are having a holiday dinner tomorrow. last week they sent out an invite saying to wear an ugly Christmas sweater if we wanted too. So today out of the blue to strike up a conversation I sent her a Skype message that said 'Hi, dont forget to wear a ugly Christmas sweater tomorrow'. She immediately responded, Hi (big smiley emoticon) i will be wearing a shirt as I would get too hot in a sweater. I sit in my office and have a fan on. I said yeah it is warm in your office than the rest of the office, its like 90 degrees! She wrote lol i know. I continue to mention more about the event I like Olive Garden and she's like YAY!
So I went out and bought a $25 gift card and thank you card. I wrote in there verbatim 'Thank you for all that you do and continue to do. It has been a tough year. Thank you for the support you have shown me throughout the year. You, you hard work & dedication is appreciated in more ways than tI can put into words. Enjoy the gift card! Wishing you and your family a blessed and Happy New Year!" SIncerely, (my name) Hopefully none of that can be misinterpreted and let it be known my thoughts... Ill let the chips fall where they may!
Well what do you think?