Why I have opted out of marriage, relationships and children

[Hexxus]

I decided to write this take because lately I have seen a lot of women asking questions relating to why men seem less and less interested in relationships. While I cannot speak on behalf of the entire male population, I’m sure many other guys have similar reasons. I could honestly write a book regarding my thoughts on the subject, but I will try to keep it as short as I can. Feel free to post any questions you may have in the comments.

When I was 17 the idea of a relationship and even marriage and kids was very appealing to me. It sounded great. Having someone to do fun things with, bounce ideas of off, get emotional support and encouragement and sex on a daily basis.

I learned a lot in the past decade from a combination of personal experience, stories from friends and family and events on the evening news. I have been accused of sexual harassment several times at work by women simply because they did not like me and wanted me fired, I had an ex-girlfriend who tried to get me arrested by filing a false police report alleging that I had been stalking, harassing and threating her. When that didn’t work out she then tired getting me kicked out of college my saying I had been stalking her on campus. Had another girl lie about being pregnant to try and prevent me from breaking up with her and I have even been falsely accused of rape to protect her reputation. She didn’t want people to know she had sex outside of a relationship. I have never had a guy do anything like that to me either. That type of betrayal has only come from women.

In addition to that I have seen a scary amount of stories in the news where guys were either almost sent to prison for over a decade or guys who had already served time but where later found innocent because of either witness accounts, DNA evidence, surveillance cameras and text messages that had been found on the girls cell phone.

This taught me that there seems to be a lot of bias against men to the point that they are vilified and women are made out to be sweet innocent and helpless. This bias is to the point where if a female accuses a male of any sort of sexual transgression in school, work or home he is often expelled, fired or sent to jail without any evidence that he did anything wrong. A bias that mainstream feminism no doubt played a role in.

Now I know what you’re thinking… “But not all girls act like that”, which may very well be true. However, there are a lot more girls like that out there than a lot of people realize and they are very good at hiding it. Then with a simple yet unfounded accusation they can destroy you. Combine this with the fact that in the vast majority of divorces men lose half of their net worth and a portion of the income to the women. In short, she profits while he is driven to the brink of bankruptcy.

I would still want a relationship if it was laid upon a fair playing table, but it’s not. With men being sent to prison, kicked out of college or fired over false allegations, almost a 1 in 3 paternity fraud rate and the general bias towards men more and more guys are starting to realize what’s going on.

We have become annoyed with a lot this nonsense to the point we don’t want to spend any more time with women than we need to. So what do we do? We spend just enough time with women to have sex with them and women have no one to blame but themselves.

[kaminalove]

I'm going to agree with this take because it is really common around here.
Women like to point fingers at men and when I chose to defend a certain man, they go all like "where's the female solidarity?".

There ain't no female wtv, its mostly because I respect that guy and see that he isn't respected.

I see more and more men protect themselves and be cautious around women. Then we go on about how they are scared of commitment...

I dunno, I am not omitting the idea of marriage. But if the guy wishes to take it slow, I will be will be okay with it. I always chose to understand people so that it wouldn't make any conflict.

Anyways, great take, it had me thinking for a bit...

[Strider90]

I agree with you.

"It is important for us to encourage women to leave their husbands and not to live individually with men... All of history must be re-written in terms of oppression of women. We must go back to ancient female religions like witchcraft" - The Declaration of Feminism , November 1971.

"All sex, even consensual sex between a married couple, is an act of violence perpetrated against a woman." ... "You grow up with your father holding you down and covering your mouth so another man can make a horrible searing pain between your legs." (Catherine MacKinnon - Prominent feminist scholar at the University of Michigan and Yale)

[bubble_tea]

What the fuck is going on in the US? Where I live, you have men actually making sexually suggestive comments to coworkers and nobody thinks of reporting them or even telling them off despite the fact that it makes those women feel disgusted or at the very least very uncomfortable.
In the news, you also never hear of false police reports of vile ex-girlfriends or whatever.
A guy actually tried to get a friend pregnant, because he wanted to lock her down.

Have you ever looked up divorce laws in the US? I have. If you don't expect to inherit a huge amount of money in the future, you don't even need to sign a pre-nup. Whatever you had before you got married, is yours. Only whatever is earned while you're married has to be split. From my understanding, you also only have to pay alimony, if she has no job or doesn't earn enough to live by herself.
So.. if you marry someone who earns about as much as you and don't have kids.. or have kids, but she keeps working and you both pay for day-care, you won't lose half of your net worth.

"We spend just enough time with women to have sex with them and women have no one to blame but themselves."
I really don't understand why I'm or women like me are to blame for the actions of crazy women, but whatever. I hope you at least tell them before you have sex with them that you have zero interest in a relationship and just want to fuck. Just because there are immoral women out there, it doesn't mean you have to become immoral too.

[Hexxus]

The number of false rape or sexual harassment allegations in the news here in the U. S has been growing. There are also cases of men being released from prison after new evidence proves them innocent. If a women accuses a man of something, at least in the U. S it is often assumed that he is guilty even when no evidence is present.

The overwhelming majority of people who lose in a divorce are men and most of the time women make a profit. Even if what you are saying is correct, its still unfair to expect a man to financially support a women who left him. You are correct on the letter of the law, however judges given room to decide who is entitled to wait and more often than not they rule in favor of women.

If you are still unsure about the legal and social bias in favor of women and against men then consider the fact that women are also overwhelming sentenced to lesser prison terms for the same crime.

[Hexxus]

I dont blame you and I know not all women are like that. However, the girls who are like that do a really good job at hiding it (the 1 in 3) and the legal system makes it easy for them to destroy you. Men are also often order to pay child support for children that are not theirs

I dont tell them unless they ask, them i will be honest. If they assume I want a relationship thats not my fault.

That fact that you assume I engage in immoral behavior also shows that to some extent you buy into the bias.

[bubble_tea]

Well, I guess it was created to help out those women who get left for younger wife 2.0, but yeah, I agree, it's unfair if guys have to pay if it's the woman who wants out, provided he wasn't beating her black and blue to make her want to leave. This does have to change, but I think since the US is not a welfare state, the judge is begrudingly ruling in her favor just to not be responsible for her demise on the streets. :/ It's unfair. I don't disagree.

All legal and social bias are bad. Men ordered to pay for child support for children that are not theirs is fucked up.

Please re-read your last paragraph in your take again and tell me it doesn't imply immoral behavior to get what you want (sex). Isn't it implying that you'd do what another gager wrote in his take, "manipulate with the sole intention to seduce"? If you just meant you're picking up women at bars and clubs, there's no need to communicate your intention.

[bubble_tea]

"I dont tell them unless they ask, them i will be honest. If they assume I want a relationship thats not my fault."
Also, with what you answered here, you didn't exactly prove my assumptions wrong. No girl leaves a bar with a guy and assumes there will be a relationship.

[Hexxus]

I see what you mean, its a catch 22. While its not fair to expect the guy to pay her after she leaves, I also don't want to see anyone be homeless no matter how much I dislike them. My idea of a solution would be to raise the minimum wage to the point where someone could support themselves as well as removing tax breaks for cooperations and using the added funds for enhance social programs and college scholarships. Everyone should be affored a certain standard of living and making higher education more readily available would benefit everyone... but that's a different topic for another time.

The way I see it manipulating someone into sex would be using coercion, dishonesty (makeup and fake boobs?) or blackmail. People seem to keep forgetting that women enjoy sex more than men, they have more sensual nerve endings. They are just less open about it because of the social conditioning that labels them sluts. I don't lie about my intentions.

[bubble_tea]

What do you mean with „tax breaks for cooperations“? Do you mean „corporations“ or „cohabitation“? Either way, that’s certainly a good dream, but I doubt your republicans will ever allow it, because they believe in an absolute „free market“. „If they are 'willing' (/forced to in order survive) to work for 1 dollar an hour for me, why can’t I employ them for 1 dollar an hour?“

Well, he wrote a take for guys, options to 'pretend to be someone they’re not' to manipulate, so encouraging dishonesty. If you don’t do that, it’s cool.
As for sensual nerve endings, I don’t know who has more and how many of those are reached during sex. Surveys show that women have less orgasm from ONS than sex with guys they regularly sleep with.

[AleDeEurope]

I've also grown apart the idea of relationships and marriage, even though I still want kids, but I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore, especially when it comes to opening yourself to that person and giving all of you to them... it's gonna end bad for sure.

I've always dreamed of spending the rest of my life with that one perfect girl who will make me happy every day, but with experience and all I've seen, I doubt that girl even exists.
I know there are still many great women out there, but am I gonna risk my life meeting awful women that will rip you apart whenever they have the chance, trying to find that one girl who I'm not sure that I will ever find, when I can just live single, meet women for casual stuff and stay away from drama? No, I'm not gonna risk that. That's why right now I'm done with getting serious with any girl, it's not worth it. If that perfect girl comes across, I'll think about it, but if she's not perfect, I'm not gonna do anything serious with her.

And about the kid, I'll do like Barney Stinson and Ted Mosby, I'll just find a friend with the same mentality as me and we'll adopt a kid together xD

[MaskedSanity]

Congratulations?

Not entirely sure what purpose this take served other than to let everyone know you personally have decided to deem women as evil regardless of the good to bad ratio.

I mean, fair enough, the bowl of skittles with a few poisoned ones analogy works both ways.

But this wasn't particularly insightful. You just told a story of being screwed over by some shitty women. Thousands of people get screwed over by each other every day regardless of gender.

Business as usual.

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[Hexxus]

Hey there, thanks for the reply! I see you have either deliberately miss-interrupted my main point or simply did not read my entire take.

Its not based only on just my personal experience alone as have already pointed out Men in general have no reason to marry anymore as its simply an unfair trade off. In the vast majority of devoices main end up losing half of their net worth and a portion of their income every month in the form of alimony. Add this to the fact that almost 1 in 3 child births is a result of paternity fraud and men in general have no incentive to marry anymore which is reflective in the steadily declining percentage of married adults in western culture.

Yes, there are bad a "skittles" on each side. However, the current legal and social systems in place make it overwhelmingly easy for women to do damage to men. Be it unfair family laws or very vague definitions of "sexual harassment" that allow women to accuse men of almost anything.

[MaskedSanity]

Oh, I definitely read the whole thing. The experiences of friends and family don't really concern me as I'm not interested in hearsay. What matters is your experience and what you've decided to do with your life based on them.

Your decision to tar all women with the same brush is pretty much based on bitterness which was the result of a some unfortunate relationships. The way you word your take and reply suggests to me that you made up your opinion about women well before gathering your evidence.

I've had men threaten rape and murder because they couldn't get their way with me. Considering that I don't believe in an afterlife, this is a very tangible threat that sent me into a week long panic attack.

I've had some scummy experiences with men and my best friend's sister married a violent scumbag that regularly controls her and abuses her both mentally and physically. I can also bring up a vast majority of statistics of how men have and continue to screw over women on numerous aspects

[MaskedSanity]

However, I could never justify to myself talking about the whole male gender the same way you do about women, especially how you reduced us to sacks of meat in your take's conclusion.

It's up to you how you live your life, but to me your perspective just seems like it would make you more jaded as time went by.

I personally don't believe in marriage and don't plan on reproducing either. I'm quite content with being in a long term relationship without getting the government and other legal bodies involved.

[Hexxus]

If you read my whole take you would have seen I was not referring to just my experience but that of men in general. Its no secrete that in the event of a divorce the man is forced to give the women half of his net-worth in addition to portion of his income (alimony) in the vast majority of the cases.

There is also the paternity fraud rate. I will say it again, 30% which is almost 1 in 3 "fathers" are not related to the child that they think is theirs. They were lied to by the mothers.
https://www.wnd.com/2006/02/34861/

Im not saying all women are like that (at least 30% are) and there are some great women out there. The problem is that the women WHO are like that are very good at hiding it and when they decide to stab a man in the back the courts usually take their side.

Im sure you would not even try to deny that when it comes to matters such as devoice, child custody and even rape/harassment accusations the legal and social systems tend to have a great bias in favor of women.

[MaskedSanity]

You seem to be ignoring parts of my comments where I address your points about men in general and constantly repeat yourself about fully reading your take.

I have read your take from start to finish as well as your replies, so please stop treating me like a child that doesn't understand the point you're trying to make.

I'm not disagreeing with you on the fact that there is bias within courts, divroces don't favour men or that paternity fraud happens. It does all over the world.

My concern is what mindest you have decided to adopt towards women. Based on my experiences with men and women's in general, I can easily say that considering the amount of mistreatment and violence that happens mostly within romantic relationships, that there's no point in dating men where there is actual threat to our lives, so we should spend just enough time to get their money and men have no one but themselves to blame.

That is essentially your stance and it helps fuel the vicious cycle.

[MaskedSanity]

I don't want this to turn into a statistics war, however the numbers aren't exactly in favour of men either: www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs239/en/

Both genders are guilty of being shitty people, but only you are responsible for what sort of person you choose to be. Based on the numbers I could adopt your mindset towards men as well. What would that accomplish? I would only become more bitter and jaded.

I choose to acknowledge the unfair facts of life, but not allow them to prevent me from living a happy life. Living with your mindset would become tiresome and miserable.

[Hexxus]

Ok... now we seem to bet getting somewhere. I never meant to imply that women are worse than men as both can in fact be shitty to each other. Men are victims of domestic violence almost as much as women are but women do have it worse in that area.

Now if that is all there was to it I would not having a problem taking a chance with relationships or even marriage but when you combine the fact that both genders have the capacity to do harm to one another and the general bias in favor of women within the legal system it creates an unfair balance that increases the level of risk significantly.

I wish easy to choose a person who would not do that but its not. I have been with girls who seemed like some of the nicest most caring people I have ever met, until it benefited them to betray me. And based on the number of men getting finically destroyed in family court or having their reputations destroyed over false rape and sexual harassment allegations, im not the only one.

[MaskedSanity]

Is it safe to assume you don't plan on ever having a serious relationship based on all the above?

[Hexxus]

Its possible something may one day cause me to change my mind but as it stands right now I have no interest in a relationship. I see nothing a relationship can offer me that I can not get on my own. I have no problem going out to eat or to movies alone, if I desire companionship I have a small circle of really close friends, that include both male and female and if I want sex there are always girls out there looking for one night stands.

I know your probably going to say there are risks involved with one night stands as well and you would be right. I take measures to mitigate those risks. I get her involved in sexual exchanges over text, make sure we are seen holding hands/kissing in public and I check into a hotel.

While still possible, it would be a LOT harder for her to cry foul play if she had been sexting me, been all over me in public and willing checked into a hotel with me. These precautions have saved me at least once

[MaskedSanity]

Oh no, I'm not going to say anything about one night stands, I personally have nothing against them, if people want to fool around - it's their business.

I'm merely curious about your position on the whole ordeal. Not here to convince you otherwise.

[Hexxus]

Ok cool, well that pretty much sums up on opinion on the matter. The only thing left to add would be that I do NOT in fact hate women I rather enjoy their company, I acknowledge that both genders do shitty things to each other and while I do find the idea of a long term partner to bond and form memories with over time appealing I feel the way the current system is set up makes such and endeavor have a low possibility of working out long term. I believe the current status quo is harmful to both men and women by backing us inherently mistrusting of each other.

Dating for both sides pretty much involves digging through heaps up shit until you find something worthwhile and each person had to decide on their own if it is a worthwhile pursuit. Sometimes I wish I could go back to seeing things how I did before but I believe I have reached a point of no return. I am just bitter? Maybe, I try to view all opinions with a bit of skepticism, even my own. We all tend to being bias at times.

[MaskedSanity]

Fair enough.

To be honest, I don't see things getting better any time soon in regards to relationships and the justice system alike. I've seen myself far too many shitty women do selfish shitty things, then bawl on facebook about how they can't find a "good" man. My boyfriend's best mate was engaged to a complete and utter bitch and I sussed that out the first time I met her, but he was completely smitten. She ended up cheating on him (shocker!) and never returned the £1500 (about $2362.05) engagement ring. She took some of his other stuff, then cried abuse, so he couldn't it back without the police getting involved and he didn't want her in his life what so ever, so he didn't bother wasting his time on long legal battles with this cunt and let it go.

It seems like the dating world in USA is A LOT WORSE compared to the UK, based on what guys say here, but then there's my above example: slutty selfish cunt that thinks she's entitled to a good man.

[Azara]

yeah i think people should stop getting married. its oppressive and isolating. i think everyone should live in dorms ride public transportation have an in home dr gym store community meals on a rotating schedule same with cleaning and caring for kids... so no one is slaving away in the kitchen/ home with kids, for no pay. and have relations with whoever they want. community is stronger and people have an opportunity to be public and work. and elder people won't be alone poor have to travel for basic needs no one will die alone in their home. and cut on pollution and rise in energy conservsaotion would be immense.

[Azara]

basically i seeping in two people closing themselves off in a hush they dont need with a car they dont need doing nothing much h for the rest of their lives. its a waste and usually very sexist in design.

[Unit1]

Well spoken I must say.

That's the reason why I am not shy but being protective for myself. Trouble even comes passively and then we guys must be proven innocent and if the girls commit crime, then they must be proven guilty. In some ways... When comes the time, when finally evidence is required for every claim someone makes up? I know it's time but there are still leaks in this system, making it not very reliable.

Careful now.

[Unit1]

Also I forgot to say: I have woken up some time ago. So to say red pill here.

[Hexxus]

People are slowly catching on but we are still placed at a major disadvantage. Women are still overwhelmingly viewed as innocent creatures while men and male sexuality is vilified.

Careful I am, the precautions I take saved me from both a false rape allegation and paternity fraud.

Good to see more people are waking up and seeing reality. Our time will come

[Unit1]

Maybe that's a reason why I am not so social. I simply do not touch anybody as much as I wish to not be bothered as well. What's important is to catch on at the latest of just in time. If not then it's unfortunate. I don't say I disrespect one gender because of having such a weapon in their arsenal, which they can use whenever they feel like but I try to camo myself to the background so I don't have to deal with it in the first place, you know what I'm saying? This is about equality, which is - in my opinion - far from being achieved and a very slow and always incomplete process.

Thanks for those words of inspiration.

[Bonnie12I27I12]

growing up i always dreamed of getting married. then i realized that people cheat and all that awesome stuff. i no longer dream of marriage.

[apexalpha]

I think its a cultural thing with women in the west seek Asian women or women from more traditional vultures like south america they value their husbands and take care of his needs

[Not_Helping]

Paranoia isn't ever good reasoning.

[Hexxus]

Your statement is correct but can you point out how it has a connection to anything I talked about?

[Not_Helping]

I've a better question: How many women have you dated?

[Hexxus]

No, you never showed how your statement has relevance, trying to alter the topic is not going to help.

[Not_Helping]

I'm not. It's a question of incidence.

[Hexxus]

If you had a way to explain your statement you would have done so by know. Introducing to topics is not going to distract from the fact that you seem to be unable to explain how my take was based in paranoia. If you are uninterested in defending your statement we are just going to go around and around so im not going to respond any longer.

However, if it makes you feel better or feel it will somehow how light your questions of incidence I encourage you to do so. Take care.

[Not_Helping]

What a shame people choose fear.