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I Still Want to Get Married... (Page 2)
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Ever notice how the guys who complain they'll never get married because the woman will just "milk" all their money...
Have NO money? LOL
absolutely... and prenuptial agreements exist too...
"What is wrong with wanting that? With knowing you have someone to come home to, who will care for you and you them. What's wrong with wanting to share your life and your dreams with one another and support one another in any way you can? What's wrong with agreeing with one another that you want to do this for life with one another?"
Please MyTaker, who told you it is wrong?
I actually experience quite the opposite: I ask myself what's wrong with staying single and unmarried because that's what freaks out my locals :-/
It's nice you're willing to work through the hard times and not just run away when it gets difficult. But in marriage that doesn't matter because if the other person isn't the same way then it's going to end in divorce no matter how much you try. It takes the combined efforts of both to keep the marriage together but you only need one person in the relationship to make it come to an end. So your efforts won't make any difference if they aren't the same way and that's a trait you can never learn about someone until it's already too late.
All this is true, yes, but I can't know whether a marriage will work or not work unless I try. I don't live by a fatalist attitude. The point is to try, which is all you can do, to find someone who wants to fight just as hard as you do to stay together and keep your love and your relationship alive and well. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, but that goes for just about every single thing in life as there are no guarantees for anything we try and do.
As my investment banker friends would say:
You have the option to put your money into a risk pool where 50% of the time, you will lose 50% of your money. There is no upside, just risk. So, your expected value is 0.75. If you had $100,000, after entering into that arrangement, you now have an expected loss of ($25,000).
If you're comfortable with that kind of risk, then I can probably make you a shit ton of money with that kind of risk tolerance. PJP, FBT, XBI and IBB all the way baby!
tbh, saying all this is very very easy to say when you're a woman. It's very easy to come out as a woman and say you are super excited and thrilled about marriage when the marriage system as a whole tends to favour you over men. I'm almost positive that if i were a woman, id be looking forward to marriage even more than you do. But as a guy, I have other considerations to make that women don't often have to worry about when considering marriage
let me preface this by saying, do you, be you, you're going to do what you want, but this is a fatalist attitude that too many people, men in particular, are being consumed by. Well, i don't want to get married because it might fail. That's precisely the wrong attitude to go into a marriage with because then you start looking for things and building a case why its going to all blow up in your face instead of being present and working on strengthening your relationship and doing what you have to do to make it work. You think my plan in life is to marry a guy so I can one day *crossing my fingers* get a divorce? Who thinks like that? Men and women both benefit from healthy marriages; lots of research to support that, but again, if your mind is made up, then so be it. Mine is too.
That's fine. my point though is that it's very easy for you to say as a girl, as you have less to loose
And no, women don't plan for divorce. It's not something they even consider (like you) because most know that if one did happen, they've got little to worry about
Who goes into marriage planning on getting a divorce? No one starts dating someone with the thought, hmm, I wonder when me and my bf/gf will break up with me. That has nothing to do with being a woman. Any sane person goes into any relationship with the best of intentions hoping that their life will be happy. I don't get into my car each day thinking, oh, I might get into an accident, so I better not drive at all. Divorce is no cake walk for either party, especially when children are involved. You're talking about breaking up your entire lives and everything you too have built together. I want to go into a marriage FOCUSED on making it work, not on if it may someday fail. Not once did I ever hear my brother mention divorce on the road to marriage because if you, man or woman, trust your partner, love your partner, work on your relationship, date for some time to get to know them well, you go in hopeful that you will last in a good marriage. That is the mature way of thinking about it.
you don't really get it but its all good. Good luck with your relationship :)
you don't really get it either, but same to you.
Not really. If i didn't get it, i wouldn't be putting words in your mouth that you didn't say as you are doing with me. No where in my argument did i say that anyone is planning for a divorce. Your car analogy is kinda flawed, because people do prepare for the possibility of an accident by taking precautions such as wearing a seatbelt, making sure their insurance is paid, etc. What you aren't really grasping is that women have it easier when it comes to divorce. Statistically speaking in the U. S., women in the household earn less than men do, and therefore have less to loose if a divorce did happen because alimony payments would be going towards them. They also have a much better chance at winning custody of the kids. Girls like you don't have that much introspective intelligence to see that the world doesn't work in terms of 50/50 for everything. Some things are 60/40, while others are 90/10. Marriage is no different.
So i'll spell it out for you.. You, as a woman, are statistically less likely to make more money than the guy you end up marrying, giving you one advantage right there if a divorced happened. Secondly, you have a statistically better chance at winning a child custody battle with your husband. No one goes into a marriage planning for a divorce (DUH..), but smart people prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. ... Just as when you get into a car, you aren't planning to get into a crash (again, DUH), but you prepare for the worst by taking every precaution you can to avoid serious damage down the road in case something happens (ie. by wearing a seatbelt, making sure the breaks work, etc). But yeah.. that's what you don't get, and im not surprised that you don't (and probably never will) because it takes a woman/person with a lot of introspective intelligence to recognize privileges they've always had. Anyways, feel free to reply, but i won't be back to read it. take care
As with many debates, when one party gets frustrated, they insult and/or say I won't read your comments. You will read them, but if you're done here, then so am I.
Well, id like to get married to the right girl. I had to get to know her as good as possible, and if i think she will always stay with me, id marry her. Otherwise not. Lots of guys marry too quickly, they didn't found the right girl and thats why divorces happen so often.
Good for you. A lot of men who are against marriage don't look at the individuals and their relationships and why they divorced, they just figure, its the woman's fault alone. It could be for infidelity, abandonment, drug/alcohol abuse, fraud, any number of things along with getting married too young or rushing into things for the reasons of divorce.
Well of course it isn't always womens fault alone, unless she cheated or something, but as i already said, then he picked the wrong woman for marriage ;) a good, trustworthy, loyal person will never cheat. So a cheater lacks the most important personality trait: loyality.
Same thing can happen with genders reversed.
And the guy could have prevented that by not choosing to marry her, but usually people rush into such things
The percentage of men interested in marriage has been on the decline for years and is at record lows in the US and Europe. Women, on the other hand, are increasingly interested in marriage. That trend will continue until the inequities in the marriage equation are addressed, or the institution of marriage will simply fade away.
www.pewresearch.org/.../
Divorce rate correlation with female partner count:
https://i.imgur.com/eYr5zjJ.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/Z8GgpfY.jpg
goes both ways, but yeah...
@dartmaul15 Research data in first pic says otherwise. Male's sleeping around does not seem to impact happiest of marriage. It might have to do with women forming emotional attachments to each guy/girl they fuck. While, guys tend to just do it as a biological function.
I met a quote somewhere on this site forma girl who said sex for women is more mental, emotional and less physical while for men it tends to be more physical. Hence, the reason for double standard with regard to this.
I don't feel the need to get married but if I ever meet the right person for this I think it would be a beautiful tradition and a nice promise to give to each other.
I don't see why so many people, especially guys are oh so scared of getting married like just get a freaking prenup lol
The greatest luxury in the life is knowing that, at the end of the day, you'll find someone at home when you come from work. I'd give anything to have this luxury.
I married at 25 to the girl i loved and its been so amazing since then. Nice take :)
That's because you were REady for it. Not everyone's like you. You're a gem.
@abundantlyrich thank you. I know what you mean. :)
Most of these guys, have heard stories of bad divorces. That combine with bad breakups they have already had and the very real fact that everyrhing about divorce courts are rigged IN FAVOR of the woman, makes them not want to. I've known a few guys like this a lot of them once they find a woman they love and trust they change their minds.
How come you aren't married yet?
I've had opportunity, but the relationships didn't feel right and I was right to trust my instinct. I am no stranger to bad break ups and bad relationships like anybody else who dates long enough, but it hasn't made me bitter to the point where I feel like there is no hope. Sometimes stuff doesn't work out, but it isn't the end of the world. I have very good examples of marriage all around me. I'm not going to let somebody convince me that its all just useless contracts and money dealings because that is not why I want to get married, but if you ask some people, those are the only reasons women in particular get married which is clearly not true. There are other reasons people divorce: mental illness, drug/alcohol problems, abuse, fraud, abandonment, infidelity. I don't hear men in the nay say talking about these. Blame seems always placed on women as if they are all gold diggers.
Many are. Many of those men have experienced relationships with gold diggers. They are just typically scared. If they find a woman they love they will most likely change their tune.
You're right and you're right. I only take issue with men that say well, the reason you want to get married is this thing, you're probably a gold digger, or you want a big wedding as if we're all one woman. I'm sorry some woman hurt them, but she and I are different people. Men wouldn't like it if I said all men are stupid for example because that's definitely not true. There are of course stupid men, but not all men certainly. For me, rather then say though that I've had a few bad relationships and therefore everyone is just going to screw up my life, I look at it with optimism. Yes, that person was bad for me, but that doesn't mean someone new and good for me isn't around the corner that I would like to marry and marry for the right reasons.
Yes just keep in mind there is a difference between saying those things out of hurt, and adopting them as a lifestyle. I have had female coworkers look me directly in the eye after a breakup and tell me "why are you men such pigs?" I didn't take offense because I knew they were just lashing out of hurt. Which is how a lot of these guys are. We go through the same hurt women do, you just don't hear about it as much, lol. Some people don't have the same outlook as you, as well they don't have what sounds like a support network of close friends and family. They get frustrated, scared, and depressed. Some are like how you describe them and think "all women" are like that, most are just hurt and lashing out.
id be more open to marriage if the modern women on average wasn't a ho. even the good girls tend to be hos just not in comparison but a shit sandwich is still a shit sandwich doesn't matter the size of the shit.
To milk money from him? Really? Both parties suppose to support and contribute with whatever they have. The REAL reason why men opposed marriage is cuz the LUV the freedom of having a taste of diff P€$$¥ without having to restrict themselves to one. Ever wonder why there's a lion in a pride of lioness of about 10 or 2-3 lions in a pride of lioness made of 20 lioness? Perrty simple and clear logic of a male instinct 👌🏻
I still don't see how marriage is necessary for ""stable lasting loving relationships""
Maybe some get it only by official documentation as some sort of proof but yeah.
I'm sure many people have asked that about the lgbt community as well
I noticed how the best way to reduce the possibility of divorce is making money. Which would give men a good reason to think that marriage is all about money. And the second thing is a college degree which makes more money. I doubt it reduces divorce because they got educated.
Those are statistical probabilities that you will have less chance of divorce. I doesn't take a poll or some data to know that if you have enough money to take care of yourselves and pay all your bills and care for your children, you will have far less stress, drama, and fights that can eventually lead to divorce, than if you are constantly having to struggle to pay the light bill or the mortgage. The same goes for a degree. The more educated you are as a couple, the more you stand to earn, the more you earn as a couple, the less again, struggles and fights, etc.
Actually, the #1 most effective way to reduce the risk and probability of getting divorced is to simply not get married, statistically speaking.
How to decrease your risk for divorce: find a woman who has been with 2 guys or less. Divorce risk goes from 80% down to 10%. Those are hard numbers. All your emotions don't change them.
Couldn't you just do all the same things without that piece of paper?
I want to get married too in the future i thik its more than just a paper its a loving relation and commitement to raise children. My boyfriend is Korean and im arab algerian to be precise lol how do u think my chances of divorce r? XD
Just because someone does not want to get married does not mean they want to stay single for life. Also, being married won't fix your boyfriend if he treats you bad now marriage won't fix that. It's not just a piece of paper marriage is not something to be taken light as a fairy tale. It's a responsibility and you have to work on the marriage. To assume that people run from marriage is a stupid generalization
I notice you are getting real defensive in all your replies. No one is trying to force you not to get married. Maybe you just hang out with the wrong group of men.
The term 'single' refers to someone who is unmarried. There is no box to check on your govt. or informational forms for "dating indefinitely" so that is the 'single' I am referring to. As far as your other statements, maybe you are speaking from your own experience or something and projecting that towards me, but I absolutely know marriage won't fix a person. If you did indeed read all my comments, you would be aware that I know that, and have clearly stated that marriage for me is not about some fairy tale. Your last statement is not a generalization, it is where this take started from, from someone telling me reasons why they didn't want to get married and trying to convince me it was useless and the outcome of that is I have always known, and still know what I want, which is to get married, so there is and there was no convincing me otherwise.
Nope I'm not projecting any experience of mine towards you. Again you seem defensive. I hope you get the help you need