Strong-minded MGTOW and feminists already have their answer – but for those who are in a committed relationship and unsure whether or not marriage is right for them, or if it’s the right time, there are some things to consider.
Accept That Your Spouse Isn’t Perfect
So many people have rules and dealbreakers about their potential partners, and as a married woman, to me they are almost all trivial. Your future spouse is going to screw up and have flaws. I guarantee it. You need to decide which set of bad habits and flaws you can put up with rather than what good the person can offer in the relationship. Let’s face it, we can all handle The Good – what characteristic flaws are you willing to accept?
Accept That You Are Going to Find Friends & Family Who Won’t Like You
This is just so inevitable. No one is so magnetically awesome that it’s impossible for the world to dislike them. Someone, somewhere is not going to like some component of your personality or look, what you do for a living, what your taste in music, film, or TV is, or life choices such as whether or not you’re having children. Someone in your spouse’s circle is just not going to like you and if you learn to accept it and just keep your mouth shut about it, the better all will be for you. Just let them look like a petty jerk instead of feeding in to it. Your spouse will love you for that.
Can You Talk About Money?
If you are both in a situation where you are up front where the money is coming in from and where it’s going, and who is the better money-manager, the better it will be sooner than later. If you are both ignorant to it during your courtship and engagement, hoping things will work themselves out, think again. When something horrible happens and you have no way of knowing how your money is spent or divided between you, outbreaks or arguments can lead to separation. Yes, it’s true that that main cause for the failures of marriage is because of money. If you can set up a plan that you are both good with, continue being honest with each other. If you can’t be, it might be best to postpone plans before you make it legal.
Is Your Wedding More Important Than the Marriage?
If you have dreams of a wedding that is going to kill your bank accounts, and the bank accounts of your parents and friends, you are living in a fairytale. I can tell you from being in attendance at many weddings, I’ve pretty much forgotten them all. They mean nothing to the guests as much as you think, and the impress-me factor is useless. Insisting on extravagance is unfair to your marriage if it’s unaffordable. Are you getting married for the day, or to celebrate the lifetime of partnership? Can you imagine yourself being happy if the wedding day wasn’t perfect? If it’s making you upset to think that such a day is a reflection on your marriage, you need to remove the wedding day from your relationship to remember why you’re doing it in the first place. Why not consider better options such as a low-key wedding or elopement. Why one-up your brother's or best friend's wedding? Instead, one-up them on your marriage!
There Is No Shelf Life for Love
It’s been five years, and they still haven’t asked you to marry them. Or, they’ve asked, and there are no plans set in place. If this is the ultimate worry that you have in the relationship, then you should not marry this person. Ask yourself this question: are you in love enough with this person to be with them for the rest of your life, happily, unmarried? If just “being married” is your ultimate goal, then that is the last reason to actually get married. Marriage is about as natural thing to do together as having a child. It just happens and should be a welcome addition to your partnership. If you’re both up for it and the relationship is healthy, it’s a good reason. Using ultimatums or making it your goal is an indicator that you’re probably with the wrong person.
Major Life Decisions are The Same
Children, what city to live in, and whether or not you can share a home with in-laws are major things that couples face that they must be in agreement. If there is a change of heart somewhere down the line, or you feel there is already doubt that any of these things are not on par with your spouse, you are in trouble.
Remember that these are not reasons to necessarily end your relationships – but indications on whether or not you should be thinking of marriage. Marriage does not need to happen if the timing is not right, and no one will fault you if you think you need to put it off. In fact, it’s the more responsible thing to do rather than to decide whether or not divorce is right for you later on.
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