Should you marry for love or stability

[Anonymous]

We all know the sayings that love conquers all. But when you fall out of love with someone I believe it’s stability that gets you through.
In all honesty I am a hopeless romantic. Love watching the romcoms, also hoping that one day I might find my true love.

I honestly also think about being stable. I like to work on myself and being able to bring something to the table. I also would like and require my husband to be to do the same.
i’ve often always thought of having children before having a husband which is kind of sad but in this generation it seems possible.

So the question still lies should you marry for love or Stability?

[Anonymous]

Both I guess. Completeness is a good way to look at it. Does the other person add to your own existence. All the way from love, through companionship, friendship, to someone to hold bar your hair when you're being sick. A marriage can, and probably will, be testing but if you're both in it for the long haul you can make it work. If you're with someone who loves you, you always have to remember what you're losing if you give up on the relationship, not just what you fantasise about what you might gain.

[myTake Owner]

Don’t you think that’s asking for too much?

[Iknowbestgirls]

Of course for love! Haven't you heard that living on a prayer song?

[markml]

Stability...

Because LOVE is ultimately a choice.

At the beginning of a marriage (or any relationship really), there is what one of my friends likes to call the "honeymoon phase".

During that phase, both of you are embarking on something new, so it's really exciting. And the hormones are very elevated, so everything seems to come naturally and you both are more willing to overlook downsides of the relationship (because that's what high hormones do). But eventually those hormones level off, and from that point you have to work to make the relationship work.

Serial daters are almost always people who are addicted to hormonal high they get from a new relationship, and haven't quite figured out that this isn't meant to last. So they're constantly embarking on new relationships to get their fix of that high.

I suspect that for some people who get married and divorced a lot, they have the same problem.

And the term "falling in love" really refers to getting that hormonal high. I think that people think of this as something really special, when it really isn't. So long as you haven't done it so much that your body is tired of it, it's relatively easy to fall in love. And hence, it shouldn't really have a ton of weight in deciding if marriage is a good idea.

It may seem a little odd to marry someone you never "fell in love" with, so I'm not saying that's what you want to do. But... you need to consider that your hormone levels will also fluctuate over time, independent of who you date.

For instance, with the current person you're dating, maybe you never got quite as much of a "honeymoon phase" high as you did with someone you dated 5 years ago. That doesn't automatically mean that the dude/girl from 5 years ago was better marriage material. It could instead just mean that 5 years ago, your hormones were naturally peaking and it was just luck who you dated at the time became the target of those hormones.

I know that talking about hormones and chemistry as this biological probability distribution doesn't sound particularly romantic, but that's what I think it ultimately is.

The real romantic part of "love" comes when two people choose to love each other. I think that when both people have the attitude that love is a choice, and it's up to them to make the effort to keep the fire going rather than just "hoping to feel it", the hormonal equilibrium ends up being a lot higher than it is for couples where one partner is not trying so hard.

I think that those couples everyone is jealous of because it looks like their "love" hasn't changed from the day they met are partially an illusion. The hormonal high has dropped for them too, but it's just less noticeable because each day they're putting effort into loving each other. They're not so foolish as to believe that "love" comes without effort.

So then, if that's understood, the only other thing to figure out is what's going to make the marriage stable, and that's the primary concern.

[Newhead]

We should always marry for love because if it's real everything else will follow, God doesn't want his people to suffer so God doesn't agree with false love. That being said, some people's path may be to first marry for stability and then later find true love, because we're here to learn our individual lessons.

As for me, all the marriage proposals I got for marriage were from men I didn't love but they were all well off, because I declined, it led me down a path of stripping and sex work because I had a hard life, and hard time keeping a job not being taken seriously because of my looks regardless of my education and skills, but that was my life path.

I could never go home to someone and lay in bed with them knowing I do not love them, but who am I to judge if others are cool with it? Now that I am out of that lifestyle, I am celibate and able to choose true love or die alone, fine by me. While friends of mine are still stuck in something they thought was love, because they settled straight out of high school and are now ashamed to call it quits.

Some people also still are together because they built a foundation of wealth with the wrong person, and may have to leave all that behind and start over with the right person. it's up to you to figure your own path out because there is someone out there for everyone. But just remember, with the right person everything else will follow, you will not be settling.

[Finchie40]

Exactly what she said , it’s pointless to marry someone for stability over love , without Love you will be living a life of misery , Good things happen to people that love each other and stand by each other , it won’t always be perfect but when you are with someone that loves you like you love them getting over those road blocks together is easier then doing it alone , when someone is selfish and only really cares about themselves they will never experience true love , Love only comes when selfishness is removed , you shouldn’t get into a relationship to be single , supporting each other and wearing each other’s shoes is where love grows

[Newhead]

@Finchie40 Truth.

[Finchie40]

@Newhead Most people don’t do this and that’s why their relationships don’t last , they only do what’s best for them without including their partner

[Newhead]

@Finchie40 Yes and that is because you don't love with your whole heart when you're not with a soulmate.

[Finchie40]

Exactly , me personally doesn’t get into a relationship with someone for a convenience, I am not going to waste their time let alone waste mine , I can only commit to someone that is willing to commit to me

[hellionthesagereborn]

How are you defining love? Most people think love is passion but it isn't. Those butterflies are hormones that get you to be with some one, but that isn't love. Love is what happens after the butterflies goaway, when its just you two and no hormones to blind you to who the other person is. Its the communication and the work you put into your relationship. Thats why you can fall out of passion but never love, because love is deliberate, either you are building it or your not.

So I don't think this question is actually applicable since it seems to confuse passion and novelty for love which is work and stability (and by extension contentedness).

[lucas262]

Girls. Imagine being the husband of a woman who your in love with but who married you for stability.

Essentially she settled for you. True love dosnt settle for 2nd best.

[myTake Owner]

And honesty I can see why that is OK now. You don’t have to exactly love someone think about the arrange marriages that people have.

[myTake Owner]

Eventually they fall in love with them

[lucas262]

Sometimes they dont.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't stay in a relationship you aren't happy in solely for stability. Sadly a lot of women do. Then wonder why guys don't want to marry in general.

[myTake Owner]

But if you’re a guy in this situation shouldn’t you be happy that you got the girl

[Opinion Owner]

Not if you're not happy with her. Not fair to either one of you. Then it's more like you're using them then love them.

[myTake Owner]

It just said sadly a lot of women do.

[Anonymous]

Neither if you are male. Marriage is a terrible deal for men.

[Newhead]

Not when you marry the right person, but it's up to you if you want to go around with that attitude.

[Opinion Owner]

@Newhead Finding the right person is like looking for a needle in a hostile haystack. Not worth the time or pain.

[Newhead]

We just need to get comfortable with being by ourselves until our soulmate arrives.

[myTake Owner]

@Newhead I agree marriage isn’t for everybody but at the same time when you find the right person it works. Stability comes along the way hopefully

[Anonymous]

Both. You shouldn't marry until you are both in a place where if anything happens, you can afford it.

[Smeeg]

The question should first be, what is the purpose of marriage and who established it?

[myTake Owner]

Actually men did just the bra. Back then women weren’t equal to men at all they were trade it is livestock or also ways to unite families for money power and wealth

[Anonymous]

Why get married when you can fuck and keep your stuff?

[myTake Owner]

Because at the end of the day I don’t wanna go home alone and not with just some stranger I met and I would like to build and have children with someone as a partner

[Opinion Owner]

Sure, shoulds great til want to take my house, my car, my cat, my 401k, MY KIDS, and of course my money to support you when we are no longer married. Where is my incentive? Thats right, it doesn't exsist.

[Opinion Owner]

Its cheaper to rent it then buy it...

[myTake Owner]

Say that’s all and the person that you choose to be with. You’re supposed to come into a relationship with some thing and bring something to the table that’s how I feel I don’t have to get yours I have my own

[Opinion Owner]

I do bring stuff to the table, two homes, multiple vehicles, above avgerage income... you can live in my house, you can drive my car, you can ask for things, receive gifts... but thats it. If i get married i may have to pay child support on a child YOU roadblock visiation with little to no recouse on my part- other then me being able to out spend you and put you in the poor house. But that serves me no purpose... and then there is alimony to support you in the life style you become accustomed too.

I am sorry hunny, but marriage is not a win win for a man. You get to walk away with half my stuff and its possible you could never have to work a day in your life.

[myTake Owner]

First of all you’re already keeping in mind that is just going to fail like why not try to work it out first before it even goes to child-support split household any of that bullshit. I’m talking about a woman bring something to the table she don’t always have to take yours. As do all women should be able to have their own they don’t just be walking on the street with nothing and you just pick them up they have to have some type of goals are potential or some thing before you even looked at them besides their beauty

[Opinion Owner]

Keep telling yourself that fairy tale.

[Opinion Owner]

Less then 5% of Mammals are truly monogamous. It goes against natural selection.

[myTake Owner]

It’s not a fairytale there are women that end up putting up with bullshit like that.

[myTake Owner]

Don’t get mad at all women because of the stuff that happened to you. And I personally don’t like it and I have my own job I have my own house I don’t want yours I want to create and build on what I have and if you add to it that’s a great

[SourabhKumar]

Marry for stability. Love can happen later with time...

[Zelda_5]

Love, but not just love. I'd also want stability but I won't marry just for stability.

[Maspolomas]

For me it is both but as of lately I’m the one working she’s just part ime

[whtguy1986]

"Stability" is a great euphemism for $$$

[myTake Owner]

I’m not necessarily saying money but I am saying some type of foundation

[whtguy1986]

Do you mind if i ask what foundations you mean?

[myTake Owner]

Meaning to be able to take care of yourself before another person comes in. In my case I want to have a job I have my house I have my car I don’t want you to come in and feel like you need to take care of me or I’m taking your money I don’t want that. But you can build with me and we can have more together

[Anonymous]

It depends on what you mean by stability.

[myTake Owner]

Being able to maintain and take care of yourself

[Opinion Owner]

What about a person who is willing to work on a marriage rather than leave if times get tough?

[myTake Owner]

If you get married to someone you should already have that mindset to work on it when times get rough it even says that in the vowels. That’s normally if you love them.

A lot of people don’t think of marriage as that they Moore think of it as a business contract when it doesn’t work out they leave and it’s normally because of money

[Opinion Owner]

You should, but we have high divorce rates because people think they have the mindset in the beginning, then times get tough and they leave.

I think that you need both love and stability. If the love is based on stability and things get rough, unstable, it's finished. If it's based on love and not stability, then you might end up with an idiot who is going nowhere with his life and eventually that will breed resentment, and the love will be lost.

[Bhavin2184]

Both..

[myTake Owner]

How don’t you think that’s asking for too much

[CubsterShura]

Both are important.

[killerboots]

Stability since marriage is a business proposition

[malik_yashvardhan]

Nice MyTake.

[Skankhunt]

Love of course