I Still Want to Get Married...

I Still Want to Get Married...

A group of my friends and I were sitting down and having a conversation about marriage, and one of my guy friends piped up and said what I think a lot more guys are saying these days, and that is that he had no desire whatsoever to ever be married because he felt it was just a piece of paper and a way for some woman to milk money out of him, so he was intent on staying single for the rest of his life.

Fine. I can't change his mind, but just as he seems to know without a shadow of a doubt, he has no desire to marry, I know I want to, and state that I do, when asked. My grandparents were married nearly 60 years, my parents have been married 40 years, my brother 3 years. I had great examples growing up of stable lasting loving relationships in which of course there were hard times, but rather then turn tail and run, these people fought for each other and represented what I think many people these days have no earthly clue about. My brother who just got married, married into a famliy filled with equally stable married relationships, some married even longer than my grandparents. What is wrong with wanting that? With knowing you have someone to come home to, who will care for you and you them. What's wrong with wanting to share your life and your dreams with one another and support one another in any way you can? What's wrong with agreeing with one another that you want to do this for life with one another?

According to some people, marriage is just a financial contract and a useless piece of paper, but I would scarcily say my mother married my father, or my father, my mother for each others money or for some other unscrupulous reason. In fact, when my father first prosed to my mother, she said no the first time because she really wanted to sit and think about how her future life would be because it entailed having to leave the country and everyone she knew to move to an entirly new country where she knew no one. Those are some of the hard choices and things married people go through, but they do it, they struggle, they endure. I don't want to go through life with someone who's "insurance policy" on our relationship is that at any moment he can just pick up at will and leave because oh we're not married. Marriage forces you to put things into perspective and consider your commitments, your love, and asks you to ask yourself to keep fighting for what you agreed to all those months, years, decades ago.

This isn't about stars in the eyes, or a white knight, or wanting some big expensive fairytale wedding. Any married couple will tell you that's one day, that's one moment, a few hours, but a marriage is work and work you must be willing to commit to and do because the rewards far outweigh the work. If you're somone that doesn't want marriage because you consider it trivial or stupid or you watched as your own parents marriage crumbled before you and you're convinced it will happen to you, well everything in life is pretty much a gamble with no gaurantees, but I can't live my life fearing that something will happen to me or that I will ultimately fail because I may be missing out on my own happiness. My friend tried to convince me that there was no real benifit to marriage, but myself and my brother and now his children are the very benificiaries of my mother finally saying yes and creating a legacy with my father.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Great that there are still people believe marriage is more then just a paper or that it will always end


Most Helpful Girl

  • I, too, still want to get married.

    And according to your schnazy scale thing... I will have a 14% chance of divorce lol

    • oh but did you count the negative influences? if you make more then your husband women are much more likely to be unhappy, if you've had sex with 1 man before your husband before the age of 26 your risk increases by 30% and all the way up to a -60% at 6 partners, if you use social media your more likely.. lot's of other factors.

    • Yeah... it's still at 14% @Jager66

    • Well you are far above the average for risk rate that's for sure.

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What Guys Said 47

  • As one who was married, I have to tell you this is very well said. That which transpired between my wife and me was no mere piece of paper. The same could be said of my mother and father (married 51 years).

    • That's wonderful. I absolutely feel the same of my parents and my grandparents. There is just such a beautiful rich loving and lasting history with them that didn't manifest out of deciding to stay single. It's the ideals behind that piece of paper; its a much deeper symbolism with purpose.

  • Yes, life is a gamble, but I'm not gonna gamble with my money and basically my life. It's easy for you to say that cause if you ever lose that gamble and get divorce, you won't be the one losing half your money and paying for thw house he's living in.
    You say you wouldn't be here if your parents wouldn't have gotten married, but that's not true cause your parents could have stayed together forever, have you and your brother, but without being married.
    You don't have to be married to have a family and stay with each other till y'all die.
    That's why I'm not sure if I'll ever get married, given that I can have the same life with my girlfriend married or not. The only benefits are those the government gives you, but is it worth it to risk half your life for a small benefit? I don't think so.
    Thank god there's the possibility of signing pre-nups, but still if you get divorced you gotta waste more thousands of dollars in the divorce.
    It's a tricky situation nowadays, you never know if the person you're marrying is gonna use you for the money or not. Many women aren't open to sign a pre-nup, which is a clear sign for what they're actually looking for.

    • Everything in life is a gamble including marriage, but all of the negatives you are speaking of have not happened to my family, and I'm not ever going to say the negatives wouldn't happen to me, I'm not that naive, but I'm not going to go into thinking about marriage as if I'm sure its going to fail which is the way a lot of the nay sayers have taken things. Clearly if you've grown up with people all around you getting divorced and it ruining your lives, etc. you may feel that way, and i can't and wont' try to change that view for you, but that's not my experience. No one in my life is out collecting checks and ruining lives. In fact having grown up around successful marriages, it gives you that in sight on how to work through your fights, how to work through your troubles, how to stay together vs. turn tail and run. You just can't live life expecting everything to fail, because you'll never do or be anything.

    • I'm not saying it's 100% gonna fail, but there's high chances of that happening, given how almost 50% of marriages fail. What's even worse is that 75% of those divorces are filed by women, and what's even worse is that in almost every divorce, the woman ends up winning.
      In my family only one marriage failed, and thankfully my uncle didn't lose, but he didn't win either.
      But around me I've seen many friends whose parents got divorced.
      I'm not saying marriage is, bad, I just don't see a reason for it.
      And I'm not going through life thinking everything is gonna fail, but you gotta think of that possibility and act accordingly. If you think the negatives are more than the positives, you don't do it.

  • I married at 25 to the girl i loved and its been so amazing since then. Nice take :)

  • Ever notice how the guys who complain they'll never get married because the woman will just "milk" all their money...

    Have NO money? LOL

  • There's nothing wrong with wanting to get married, if you want it then you go and search for it, just because your friend doesn't see any benefit to it doesn't mean you won't, you are not your friend. So if you want it go for it and don't let anyone deter you from it.

  • I think people take marriage very lightly.. Even before they are married.. And when it comes to changing according to the conditions.. Some of them can't really do that and then they tend to take bad decisions and then the marriage breaks...
    This is why its very important to know your partner and if they are on the same page as you!!! Before getting married..
    I think many people may the wind person for wrong reasons at wrong time...

    So find a good partner !
    Get to know them real good
    Take all the time in the world and then get married...

    DON'T RUSH IT! :-D

    I hope I will marry someone who i stay with my whole life and she stays with me too!

    • That's a great way to think about it. I think the trend for married couples now is for them to take longer then the standard like one year, to really take time to get to know someone. Most of my married peers on average have waited at least 3 years before marrying. I think that's smart to sort of go through a few seasons and some hard things and some life things, before you decide to get married. I mean is anyone surprised when the 19 year old gets divorced, or the couple who'd only dated 7 months gets divorced, no, and for good reason... too young and inexperienced or not getting time to know someone outside of lust.

  • Your friend who does not want to get married is too afraid of ever trusting a woman with his heart. Sadly, he will probably stay single, and he will stay alone, and he will stay miserable.

    Every single excuse people give for not marrying can be shot down by asking them if they could ever fully trust and love a woman- every man who is anti marriage who is honest would say "no." Conversely, every woman who does not want to get married, is too afraid to trust her heart with a man. Which I can understand, because of the moral decay of our society, the quality of men being produced is frighteningly shallow, a woman is right not to trust her heart, her feelings, her emotions to most of the men I see today.

    Good for you. Marriage is my ultimate goal. God is softening my heart to women, and giving me wisdom, so that I can treasure a woman's heart above her physical form, and love her for who she is, nurturing her, and cherishing her. Men like me are out there, but you have to wait. I encourage you to seek a relationship with God, only He can make you into the woman you aught to be.

  • id be more open to marriage if the modern women on average wasn't a ho. even the good girls tend to be hos just not in comparison but a shit sandwich is still a shit sandwich doesn't matter the size of the shit.

  • It is so much more of an advantage when you have good examples in the family to show that marriage is supposed to outlast struggles and not jump the ship at the first big challenge. Unfortunately, we live in a consumer society where nowadays people are consumed also. Men are afraid of marriage in terms of the risks involved like your friend says. Deep down everybody wants to be in a marriage, but most without the bad label and image it already has. The biggest culprits to destroy marriage is the state and its feminism agenda. So the state becomes the father, the husband and weak men who are too soft to oppose it in times of atrocities. Like we see today.

    I know some good women, not too many, who are also afraid to commit and not wanting to marry. The other type of women are just too insecure to be in a relationship with. You cannot trust them to be loyal and persevering, because they don't they have no faith. It is like their characters are formed by magazines, media and egos gratified by satellites of boys orbiting them for no special reason they give them other than being hot and independent. What makes a character for marriage is faith in relationships with someone good. But even if you find someone compatible, they'd choose career over marriage, cause somehow that does not work for them.
    And then you see that over some time they portray sad, faded eyes.
    Most people I know who got married also don't know how to make it work so they remain happy in it.
    But things are changing and people are hopefully getting smarter and realising the important things of life.

  • Marriage doesn't garantee anything, it doesn't garantee love, happiness, loyalty, or even frequent sex. It only garantees some tax benefits while you are together, and also the strong possibility that the higher earner (typically the man) will be paying the lower earner alimony and child support.

    Also it's really not that much of a complement for a woman to consider you husband material. A lot of women spend their youth having sex on the first date and trying out all their sexual fantasies with guys from parties or on tinder. Then when they feel it's time for responsibilities and sacrifice (buying a house and raising kids) they will find a guy who typically less attractive and less exciting than the guys she used to have flings with, and this guy gets to pay to take her on dates, wait maybe two months for sex, and have the wonderful privilege of buying her a ring and getting married.

    It's basically "now that I'm bored of sleeping around I'm going to let you take on a bunch of risk by marrying me because you're convenient and stable"

    Really not much of a complement in my opinion.

    I know most girls will dowe vote this but it doesn't matter, since my opinion is becoming increasingly popular ammoung guys. The number of men who are marriage quality and willing to get married is smaller than the number of women.

    Look at it like this. Assume there's a near equal number of men and women within a country.
    1st thing is that there are a lot more men in prison than women. So that alone, disproportionately affects the number of marriage men. Homelessness also disproportionately affects men. Then you add in that a lot if men who would otherwise be good candidates for marriage just have no interest in it anymore. There will be more competition amount girls to fight for the guys who do still want to get married and unfortunately there will be girl who want marriage who won't be able to get it.

    If you're a girl who doesn't want to get married then this doesn't apply to you.

    • When you're young, regardless of gender, you're supposed to be young, single, and free to do what you want. Who are those girls you speak of having sex with or getting married to later in life? Guys obviously! do the same exact thing, but you're judging the girls over guys here and you seem erroneously upset that girls aren't married to super model type men in your mind---oddly specific. You date/have sex/marry who you want to. A lot of guys who talk marriage in the comments are not actually talking marriage, they are talking divorce. If that's your mindset, if you had some trauma with your parents growing up with a bad divorce, if you had that one friend who lost everything, then don't get married. I'm not trying to convince you too. Hell, the title is literally "I" still want to get married. I didn't say to you or anyone else who doesn't want marriage. I'm concerned with having a lasting stable marriage, not in divorce.

    • All of these endless stories paint all women under the same brush as if we are all one woman. Well, I had this friend, and this one divorce, and you don't have to think about... ugh. Feel free to worry about what everyone else is or isn't doing or living your life by what happened to someone else. I'm simply wanting for what my family has which were my grandparents married all their lives, my parents married nearly 40 years now and still going in a loving marriage. If you don't get that or understand that, then I guess you never will.

  • "What is wrong with wanting that?"

    No one is opposed to having a loving partner. Men are opposed to legal marriage because it offers nothing.

    Want to live with a woman, have a home together, have kids together, build a life together?

    You don't need a marriage license for that! What does a marriage license really change? That the higher earner will be royally screwed in court if the other person decides for any reason at any time they don't want to be married anymore.

    Women initiate 75% of divorces... obviously, men will shy away from legal marriage and women will still want it!

  • As my investment banker friends would say:

    You have the option to put your money into a risk pool where 50% of the time, you will lose 50% of your money. There is no upside, just risk. So, your expected value is 0.75. If you had $100,000, after entering into that arrangement, you now have an expected loss of ($25,000).

    If you're comfortable with that kind of risk, then I can probably make you a shit ton of money with that kind of risk tolerance. PJP, FBT, XBI and IBB all the way baby!

  • The greatest luxury in the life is knowing that, at the end of the day, you'll find someone at home when you come from work. I'd give anything to have this luxury.

  • "What is wrong with wanting that? With knowing you have someone to come home to, who will care for you and you them. What's wrong with wanting to share your life and your dreams with one another and support one another in any way you can? What's wrong with agreeing with one another that you want to do this for life with one another?"

    Please MyTaker, who told you it is wrong?

    I actually experience quite the opposite: I ask myself what's wrong with staying single and unmarried because that's what freaks out my locals :-/

  • I still don't see how marriage is necessary for ""stable lasting loving relationships""

    • Maybe some get it only by official documentation as some sort of proof but yeah.

    • I'm sure many people have asked that about the lgbt community as well

  • find a man who shares you views.

  • "I don't want to go through life with someone who's "insurance policy" on our relationship is that at any moment he can just pick up at will and leave because oh we're not married. Marriage forces you to put things into perspective and consider your commitments, your love, and asks you to ask yourself to keep fighting for what you agreed to all those months, years, decades ago."

    So you would rather be with someone knowing you are holding a metaphorical axe over his head with which you can destroy his life at your whim? How will you ever know if he's with you because he chooses to or r because he feels trapped?

    I would prefer to be with someone who I know chooses to be with me every single day because if they didn't want to be they could just walk away. And if it turns out the relationship is a bust, despite working our ass's off to save it, then we should be able to simple part ways without either party being able to destroy the others person life.

  • Marriage is not a why not question but a why question. Because everyone wears funny hats is not very convincing reason for you to start a hat collection.

    If you are not religious and have no problem with government idea of marriage then you'll find few reasons to get married. Esp when you have the option of living together.

    Happiness. Often the most misused reason for marriage. People don't get married to be happy. Happy people get married. If you are Mr. and Ms. Grumpy then the chance of you getting married will be slim.

    Wants a family. 2nd most used reason until you noticed that there is nothing preventing you from living together and have a family without blessing or government. The only obstacle you will run into will be the government as they want to define what a family should be so certain laws and definitions would apply.

    Financial. Okay this is a very valid reason but you can get away with just living together.

  • — "I had great examples growing up of stable lasting loving relationships"

    Sure, but you don't need to marry for that. You can be an unmarried couple for forty years just as well.

    — "knowing you have someone to come home to, who will care for you and you them"

    You also don't need to marry for that.

    — "Marriage forces you to put things into perspective and consider your commitments, your love, and asks you to ask yourself to keep fighting for what you agreed to all those months, years, decades ago."

    No it doesn't. It really is just a piece of paper. You can also put your unmarried relationship into perspective.

    — "If you're somone [sic] that doesn't want marriage because you consider it trivial or stupid […], well everything in life is pretty much a gamble with no gaurantees [sic]"

    How does statement two refute statement one? Are they even remotely related? That everything in life is a gamble with no guarantees doesn't make the argument that marriage is invalid or stupid wrong.

    — "myself and my brother and now his children are the very benificiaries [sic] of my mother finally saying yes and creating a legacy with my father"

    So if you don't marry, you can't start a family and have children?

  • Couldn't you just do all the same things without that piece of paper?

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What Girls Said 12

  • I personally never saw the point in marriage. It is basically a contract.
    It was nothing I was ever see on at any point, I'd still be happy just staying with my guy, he's awesome.
    But HE wanted to get married. And though I wasn't all about it, its a very sweet factor that he still proposed even knwoing neither of us required it,
    Neither of us have religious reasons to marry.

    We aren't rushing it, we've been engaged a year and are just now thinking into planning haha.

    I can see both ways. Marriage is just a contract technically. But I'm certainly not against it.
    In fact, I was way more excited to be engaged than I thought I'd be :)

  • Its been like a thing that people joke about from before our grandparents were born. That girls are always trying to "trick/tie" guys down and get them into marriages. Obviously this isn't true. I don't know how old you all are but I have noticed with my guy friends that the closer they get to the "typical" age that people get married, the more against it they are. Eventually though they will find someone and settle down. If they don't then guess what, Its None Of Your Damn Business. You do what makes you happy and you let other people do what they want.

    • That's exactly why my take is called "I" still want to get married. I've been on dates where I've obviously been asked if I want to get married, and when I've said yes, there came the speech about how marriage is only paper and blah, blah, blah. Of course that person is entitled to feel any kind of way, but I know "I" want to get married, so I'm not looking to date someone that feels like its a useless endeavor or they've convinced themselves that all women are just money hungry harpies. I have no desire for a big wedding, I would definitely sign a pre-nup to protect my own business that I started, because I'm not wanting to marry someone for their money or for that fairy tale wedding. You are 100% right... just do whatever makes you happy, marry, don't marry, none of my business unless I'm dating that person.

  • I think the problem is with the whole marriage thing is one. People married the wrong person
    2. People change and the changes might end the relationship because its too much or its not what the other person wants (like someone changing into a selfish person and the other person can't deal with it.)
    3. Money-Having big debts can stress out both parties and might cause divorce (its #1 reason why people divorce)
    4. Some people won't grow up and that can affect the relationship
    5. Some people don't want to work it out its easier to end it.
    I can't think more but I think these are the main reasons for marriages to fall apart. I still believe in Marriage. :)

  • I don't feel the need to get married but if I ever meet the right person for this I think it would be a beautiful tradition and a nice promise to give to each other.
    I don't see why so many people, especially guys are oh so scared of getting married like just get a freaking prenup lol

  • I want to get married too in the future i thik its more than just a paper its a loving relation and commitement to raise children. My boyfriend is Korean and im arab algerian to be precise lol how do u think my chances of divorce r? XD

  • Marriage is for real niggas only

    Only tough people survive

    Get bent softies

  • Not everyone gets to experience 'true love'. :P

    • this is absolutely true, however it doesn't mean you stop looking.

    • We live in diff times... Marriage is considered a high risk investment and an emotional detriment since people change quickly and realise its just a phase.

  • According to the scale I have almost <5% chances of getting divorced!

  • As a woman with a stable good paying job, I get upset when some guys say that women just want to get married to take their money. I feel like it's not just some women who do this, but more and more men are like this as well. Not all of course, but I've been in relationships where I have had to pay for everything.

    Sorry to rant. But that's just a pet peeve of mine.

    I want to get married some day too. But it's scary. I don't want to marry a guy and have kids with him, only to find out he really doesn't love me or to have him leave me. Then to be thrown into a life of uncertainty and become a single mom. That's scary to me. I worry about it all the time. It's part of the reason why I have yet to have any kids. I'm only 26 but most of my friends already have a couple kids.

    I've already had a pretty unstable life. I've worked hard to get where I am and hard to get where I am going. I have goals and a future plan for myself. I want a guy who is going to help me achieve those goals and not destroy them.

    • I am so happy for your comments. There are very few comments of people who get it or understand what I'm talking about. Most of the guys who wrote in complained endlessly about gold digging women who will divorce them and apparently take all their money, but my goal in marriage is not divorce. I too have worked hard, built my own business and make my own money. Its degrading to be told that women only want a man's money or that according to men, we lose nothing in a divorce. I want what my parents/grandparents have, and had, which is a life with a partner who loves me, wants to share a life with me, wants to fight for us through bad times, and has dreams and goals of his own. Everyone worries about getting married because you have to really trust and love the other person and trust they will do the same back. I hope you find that in your life.

    • Yes exactly, thank you! :) I always feel like whenever a woman says she wants to get married on here, she gets attacked and told that all women just want a man's money and that women don't lose anything in a divorce.

      I don't know about anyone else, but I know for myself I want to get married someday. Not because I want a guy's money, but I want a partner. I want to be in love. I want someone to wake up to every morning and cuddle with every night. I want someone I can take care of when they are sick and do fun stuff with.

      Any time a relationship ends for me it really does hurt me. I feel like I will never find that person. So I can't imagine what it would be like to go through a divorce. To think you have finally found your person only to be served divorce papers. It must be devastating.

    • 100% agree! I've witnessed a lot of friends parents get divorced, and neither party is jumping for joy or celebrating or happy at all with it. It's this long painful process of breaking up their lives they've built together made even worse if they have children. Some men act like money is everything and that is 'the only reason' in their minds to get married for women. It doesn't matter if you mention for family, or love, or all the reasons you listed. It's disgusting. I've had great examples of marriage, and they have lasted for a reason. For me, taking my time, really talking to a partner about marriage and really discussing our similarities/differences, gives me a good view of whether they are marriage material. Doesn't mean we will, but in my mind, if that is not their goal as well, I know to move on, and I have absolutely no shame in that. Marriage is important to me, period.

  • There is nothing wrong with people wanting to get married and there is nothing wrong with people who don't. Just a difference of preference.

  • I really like your article, but things have changed very much these days. Like your parents, when my parents got married my mom too had to leave her country, her family/friends, everything she knew.

    These days, everybody just wants what is easy. Everybody wants what is secure. These same guys who told you they will never get married, don't worry one day they will, and it will unfortunately be for the wrong reasons because they already view marriage in a negative way. It's really sad and it makes me sad.

    I met a guy who I thought was perfect for me. I convinced myself that I was wrong and that it was all in my head, but I did that just to make myself move on. But in reality I don't think it was one sided because he is the one who pointed it out first, how we get along so well and how attracted we are to each other. But he lives far away, and he decided to settle for someone who lives in his city than work to be with me. He likes that girl enough to be with her and to move in with her, but he's not in love with her. Most guys are like this and I see so many situations like this. It would be harder to be with me because of the distance, and despite how much he likes me, he chose to be with someone he likes less. But now I see things negatively because I seen this happen so much. I feel like things have changed for the worse. I hope you find someone who like your parents will work hard for real love and for a happy marriage. But unfortunately most people these days don't. Most people jump for those divorce papers... most people don't want to work for what they truly want and will just settle for what's there.

  • Just because someone does not want to get married does not mean they want to stay single for life. Also, being married won't fix your boyfriend if he treats you bad now marriage won't fix that. It's not just a piece of paper marriage is not something to be taken light as a fairy tale. It's a responsibility and you have to work on the marriage. To assume that people run from marriage is a stupid generalization

    • I notice you are getting real defensive in all your replies. No one is trying to force you not to get married. Maybe you just hang out with the wrong group of men.

    • The term 'single' refers to someone who is unmarried. There is no box to check on your govt. or informational forms for "dating indefinitely" so that is the 'single' I am referring to. As far as your other statements, maybe you are speaking from your own experience or something and projecting that towards me, but I absolutely know marriage won't fix a person. If you did indeed read all my comments, you would be aware that I know that, and have clearly stated that marriage for me is not about some fairy tale. Your last statement is not a generalization, it is where this take started from, from someone telling me reasons why they didn't want to get married and trying to convince me it was useless and the outcome of that is I have always known, and still know what I want, which is to get married, so there is and there was no convincing me otherwise.

    • Nope I'm not projecting any experience of mine towards you. Again you seem defensive. I hope you get the help you need