I’m engaged I said yes but the agreement was waiting until 26 were 24 turning 25 soon so less than 2 years anyways. I feel like we’re young still but I see myself marrying him obviously. I’ve been planning... my boyfriend just told me to make sure we don’t go beyond broke in the process which I’ve made no promises. I’ve literally been picking out which wedding dresses I want to try on. My mom who thinks it’s her day said she hates my style and it’s very “va va voom” she’s very rude about it... but it’s what I want! I wanted the style I’m open to other styles but this is more me. I just feel like she’s being inconsiderate.
My mom hates every wedding dress I try on. How do I handle her?
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
The ONLY two obstacles I see for you in this situation is if SHE is paying for the dress and secondly if you or she can afford the one you want. A couple of solutions:
1. Ignore her complaints, it's your day, get what you want (if you're paying for it). She ultimately has no say if you're footing the entire bill.
2. If she's paying for it, sit down with her outside of the salon and really talk to her about your vision. Express to her how important it is that you get the dress you will be HAPPY wearing and not one that anyone else wants you to wear because if the situation were reversed and someone was forcing her to get something...would SHE really be excited to wear a garment she didn't love on the most special day of her life....(at this point in the conversation, look deep into her eyes, cry if necessary, talk about this being your ultimate dream, pull out the mood board you created at 12, bring up fond memories of you picking out a dress where she once let you pick what you wanted...I mean go deep!)
3. Give her one appointment or one segment of your appointment where for a few minutes she gets her way. Try on whatever dress she wants and let her take as many pictures as she wants for memories sake and then say that's it, we're going to start looking for a dress I really want, period. And really stick to that.
4. If she cannot get over it, shop by yourself or with your supportive friends and family but also realize THIS whole situation may be less about the dress and MORE about you breaking your promise about when you're going to get married. Sometimes things just manifest in different ways. If you suspect ultimately that's the case, have that conversation. Don't get mad, just listen to your mom's frustrations and work through it so maybe she'll calm down eventually. If not, your life right. You're an adult.
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Asker
+1 y
Well no my dad planned on paying I plan on helping as well anyways I don’t want him to pay flt my entire wedding which he will try to do. My mom is a trophy wife she sits home looking pretty. She feels entitled to coming with me for a dress. Thanks for the ideas!
If you really want to wear a dress like that I think you should. But when you go to try on dresses, try on a few that your mom likes, just so she can see you in them (If you plan on bringing her). Pick the one you like in the end, obviously, since it's your wedding. But if her being there would ruin the whole experience, I would say don't bring her. If she would make negative comments every five seconds I would say just choose a dress without her. It just depends on what you're willing to put up with
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1 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Thanks I will try what you said! My mom is a very opinionated woman lol
Next time she says anything. Just say mom i love younto Death,, and Greatgul you my kom and your willing to put up with me and put up with ,, and be our babysitter For all 12 grand kids ,, but mom BUT. MOM. WHO'S FUCKING this chick. Me or you i need to pick this out for me. Im doing something for me. Andvwhat i pick out I PICKED IT OUT FOR MY DAY ,, PLEASE MOM EVEN IF YOU DONT LIKE IT. JUST TELL ME DO.,,, By The ,, if thats you in that Dress on your Post, He. Is Going to love it it's Hot, well Something is mmm Damn
She is entitled to express her opinion and make you aware of her concerns about taste. But it is your wedding - you are of a different generation, with different criteria. You must decide what suits you, but bear in mind that your grandchildren will one day see your wedding photos.
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Asker
+1 y
I think that’s pretty rude there’s a lot of things I may not agree with but I don’t voice that opinion if that person is happy. I definitely am a different generation. My grandchildren will love what I have on and that I’m in a happy marriage
I strive not to offend unintentionally, so am a little dismayed that you think my comment rude. My point is only that you should choose for yourself. I expressed no opinion of your (gorgeous) dress - only a suggestion of something to consider. You have considered, and made your choice - nobody else gets to override that.
I see what she means about it being very "va va voom" but I don't think that necessarily is a bad thing. At the end of the day, you're the one wearing the dress - it'd be lovely to have your mother love the dress, but all that matters is that you feel great in it. Just stand up for yourself and make sure you don't change things about what is meant to be the best day of your life to suit someone else, especially if it's not the person you're marrying.
It’s not all about her! It’s about you and it’s your wedding! What make you happy because once you get married that it. That wedding dress is beautiful but sexy too hehe😂🙈😍👍🏼
I’m sure your fiance is very lucky when he see that wedding dress and I bet that his mouth will drop his jaw 👏🏼👍🏼
Stand up to her and tell her how it is. You’re an adult and shouted be making these decisions.
I honestly think the reason she “hates” all the dresses is probably because she’s secretly not ok with you getting married and she might be resisting a little bit.
Be frank with her. Mom I’m so excited to do this with you. Finding the dress I’ll wear when I become a wife is important to me. I want to be so beautiful. I appreciate you want to help and understand we have different tastes. But what I need from you when we’re shopping is support for what I love. Your criticisms have made me feel frustrated during a time we should be celebrating. I love you but I need you to do this for me.
You remove her from the decision making process. She's there to help you, not to mire you down. Especially if you have already found a dress that you like. Plus, I'm sure there are lots of other things that she can help with. Delegate! :)
I see why tbh, I think the dresses in the pictures look God awful, but still, if that’s what you want to wear then that’s your decision to make, not hers.
0
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Asker
+1 y
I like it. I didn’t like her wedding dress that I saw pictures of we have different taste it’s simple
Then you tell her that her opinion doesn’t matter, it’s your day, not hers. If you wanna wear a damn trash bag as your wedding dress then do it, it’s your day, your choice.
Your mom isn’t wearing it. You are! I know moms can be a pain in the butt when you are trying on bridal gowns. If she isn’t reasonable, you can always just take your bridesmaids, and maid of honor instead.
Stop listening to her and if she can't keep her negative opinions to herself cut her out of the wedding dress shopping. You're getting married, not her.
You getting married should be a happy day. It shouldn't matter to others what kind of dress you wear. You know that you like the dress and that's what going to keep you happy. So it shouldn't matter what others think of it.
This’ll be your day. This is your wedding. Ask your mother if her own mother did this and what she felt about that? you can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink... Besides the bridal is littt🔥🔥
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