My mom being difficult with wedding and sort of causing issues?

[Anonymous]

So my mom had a fight with my future mother in law.

all because of that my mom is trying to talk me out of marriage. And when unsuccessful for some reason she is saying fine but cancel the hall you booked and book this other one instead despite it being more expensive.. the reason for the hall switch is because it makes her think she is controlling the wedding and thinks that gives her power over my mother in law

honestly it’s all frustrating and annoying.. I don’t feel like entertaining this. But I love my mom and want to make her happy. I’ve already put too much time into this to switch venues just to make her happy. She could’ve told me to not book this venue before I actually booked !!

I told her this place makes me happy , I like it and don’t want to switch. She said fine whatever do what you want

so basically no chance of reasoning with her ( I even told her how much she means to me and I want to make her happy etc.. it doesn’t matter she thinks I don’t care about anything that she wants)

she used to preach that her parents and in-laws didn’t get along and for that reason she would never cause drama for my in laws.. but she’s making this whole experience negative to me so I’ll never be happy.

[provokeesmokee]

Sounds like your mother is begging to be uninvited from not just the planning, but the whole ass wedding.

Many mothers have problems believing their child's wedding is THEIR wedding.

Shut that shit down and make sure she knows you expect her to respect you and your wife and your wedding, or to be uninvited - and even blocked from contacting you.

Unfortunately, many parents require dire consequences to understand how serious their adult children are.

Stand up for yourself, your wife, and your boundaries. Or your mother is going to get worse.

[slatyb]

This sounds like a case where your mother is determined to be unhappy. Don't give in. Do what you want and tell her she can accept it or not, and can attend or not. Let her think what she wants, feel what she wants. None of that is your responsibility, and it's beyond your control.

[Asker]

Thank you my friend. This is what I have chosen to do. I continued down the path that I was working on. Frustrated as I have that negative feeling lingering now. She just said she wants to kill herself but she’s knows I’ll be fine and get through it.

Insanely frustrating as I feel like it’s just a cry for attention BUT she did attempt suicide once years back so I can never fully be sure that it’s not serious.

With my dad battling cancer i am motivated to get married while they are both still here. I pray my dad will be here for many many years despite the diagnosis but you just never know and it’s important for me to have both my parents at my wedding. Life is precious man , as much as everyone should know this already… when yourself or someone extremely close to you gets sick I can’t begin to explain how much more those words carry in weight

[slatyb]

"She wants to kill herself..." The last gasp of the narcissist who is not getting their way. I expect she's been abusive your entire life. Make whatever arrangements you and your fiancee want. If she doesn't come that's sad but it's out of your control. I wish all the best for you, your fiancee, your father, and your new family. Congratulations.

[Asker]

Thanks brother for the advice I appreciate having someone offer some input in a time if need. I will say she’s been an amazing , loving mother my entire life I am so lucky.

Although when her mom passed away 3 years ago it was like a light switch just flipped in her head and she completely changed to this depressed, negative , judging person. At first I thought she just needed time to heal.. but 3 years later I’m starting to realize the old REAL her is never coming back.

It’s an awful feeling but I still accomodate her as much as I can since i will never forget the amazing mom she was to me. She was the most caring and thoughtful person that I’ve ever known. The way she has become is sort of how her own mom was.. so in a sense it’s like she has suddenly turned into her mom. Maybe it’s a way of keeping her mom close to her.. not sure but if friggin sucks..

Anyways appreciate the advice man I friggin needed it.