Should I invite my father to my wedding?

[Anonymous]

I'm getting married next year and I'm still not sure if I should invite my dad on my wedding. I haven't seen him for years and there's a reason to that. My dad is the most self-centered person I know. He is also full of lies. He used to abuse my my mom physically a lot when they were together, me and my siblings too. We know him, he always try to get everyone's attention in every party and even funerals we go to. I am afraid that if I invite him he would try to take everyone's attention and say things that would ruin the wedding. What do you think? Should I invite him or not?

[Xcommunicated]

My wife went through something similar. I’m so sorry that this joyful moment is full of pain like this. Also and more importantly my congratulations. You may have to choose the lesser of 2 evils.
1. It’s your day. You’ve dreamed of it as a child
2. How will your mom feel? I’d ask her. Who will walk you down the aisle? Or others as applicable.
my wife went through all this. She finally decided not to invite him but let him know through the family what was happening. He never put any effort in to know her or our children.

life will be fine. Make the best decision that will not harm those who have been faithfully in your life. I really hoped we could build a bridge to him, but he just doesn’t care about anybody but himself. Our wedding was wonderful and relatively drama free.
if he gets upset, I’d try to figure out if his pride was hurt or if he wanted to be there for you.

[InferiorElegy]

I think you just out weighed the pros with all the cons you mentioned, ask yourself this. You've mentioned all the negative things he'd bring if invited, what positives would he bring if he was invited? If you have a hard time coming up with an answer or you feel like you're either coming up with excuses to invite him the your answer should be a No!
If you can easily name positives that he'd bring other than he's your dad and he can give you away then maybe you should invite him but take your time coming to the answer.

[SomeBlondeChick]

Don't bother. He maybe your father by blood but he was not a real father and that's what matters most.

This wedding is supposed to be your/your partner's day.

Why even entertain the potential for a problem? You have a potential conflict situation just by the fact you haven't seen him for years and I'll assume neither has your mother or siblings.

[jennifer_bloom]

Don’t invite him - he might try to embarrass your mom or you or your groom

[Asker]

Thank you.

[jennifer_bloom]

Yeah I hope you have a great wedding day

[girlzruleboyzdrool]

It's tough to say.
I don't know him

Will you have regrets? Could you at least invite him to the ceremony but nothing else?

Has he changed?
Do you want him to walk you down the aisle?

Fast forward 20 years... how will you feel
Have you talked to him and let him know how you feel

[Asker]

Will I have regrets? I don't know.

I am sure he is still the same person from what I have heard from our other relatives. And no, I don't want him to walk me down the aisle. I want that day to be happy, walking next to him will only bring back all the bad memories.

The last time we talked, which was 5 years ago, he did not apologise for what he did to us. He even blamed us for everything especially my mother. He said we ruined his life, when in fact he was the one who ruined ours. Well, I don't know if I should talk to him again. The wedding is next year, I'm still not sure if inviting him is a right thing to do.

[girlzruleboyzdrool]

I guess you also need to decide if you send it and he declines, will that hurt you?
When I was younger, I left home at a very early age because of my home environment. Through the years people can change
Maybe you want to try writing an email first, just to bring down the wall, a little?

See if he'll talk to you or what he has to say?

It'll give you an idea of his mindset
If he's mean don't invite him?

[Pete671]

I would say no, he's proven himself to be an embarrasment in the past, don't let him spoil you big day,,,

[Inexpensivefurniture]

Your wedding is about you and your future spouse. Don't feel obligated to have anyone there that will spoil the day

[hahahmm]

No. But it's quite possible he's heard about the wedding from someone and will show up uninvited so be prepared for having to toss him out.

[sheikalana]

Babe honestly if you're father is a toxic person and if you think it will be awkward to have him on your wedding then do not invite him. Your happiness always comes first.

[Anonymous]

Its been a tradition for so many year or say decades - I dont know whats wrong with this women this days - seems to be like they have a problem with many things - parents of the guys - his job - his salary - his behavior - should have his own house - should avoid his friends - LOL and many more shitsss

FYI - Dont take me in a wrong way its not directed to you its just how most of the women I have seen off lately

[Opinion Owner]

FYI - I have replied to the wrong question - not able to delete it

[Blueeyes81]

I say no. People who don't know how to behave shouldn't be rewarded.

[Anonymous]

No, a wedding is about you, your spouse, and the people you love/love you. He has already proven that you aren't important to him, so why should he be important to you?

[Iron_Man]

Yes do it because if not it’ll just get a lot worse down the road. The wedding can help you re-night again

[Emanon_18]

If you don’t feel comfortable inviting him then don’t, he might mess up your wedding

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Yes. Practice forgiveness. Invite your Dad to your weeding. I doubt your father will try to steal the show.

[chHaynes]

If he hasn't done to abandon you as long as he has done his best to raise you right

[KrakenAttackin]

Do not invite him. Your wedding will have enough stress without him already.

[Maspolomas]

I would say no leave him home my dad abused my mom also

[eagle1951]

if that's the case, I think I would not Invite him. He would take all your gory.

[Anonymous]

To be honest no and din't look back, sometimes parents can be really shitty we have on obligation towards them

[DanaeAdam5]

If I were you I wouldn't invite him.

[Dkc123]

U still in touch with him?

[Asker]

Nope, but I know where he lives.

[Dkc123]

He fine? Doing ok?

[Asker]

Yes, he is okay.

[Dkc123]

Then yes u should invite him.. deep down he matters to u! Why wouldn't he after all he's the and it's ur wedding.. whose gonna give u away..
I know there're conflicts and hatred but I'm sure there'll be some good memories too.
Invite him if inside you really want to.

[Asker]

Yes, thank you. I just hope he behaves because he's the type of person who always makes a scene.

[Dkc123]

Hm 🙂.. aw congrats and best luck!

[SomeBlondeChick]

@Dkc123 did you miss the part where he was physically abusive to her mother and siblings/self? That alone is more than enough reason NOT to invite him. A wedding is supposed to be a happy event not invite trouble to the doorstep

[Dkc123]

@SomeBlondeChick i preferred not to judge on that coz i didn't hear the father's side..
And i think there're two types of abuse emotional and physical and any scenar7one causes another.

[SomeBlondeChick]

@dkc133 there's no excuse for abuse. You essentially blame them by this comment of yours for the abuse

[Dkc123]

I blamed the scenario the situation (which got misspelled) with the fact one causing another.

[pierre7i]

You are so wrong @Dkc123 there is no "2 sides to the story" when a man physically AND emotionally abuses his wife and his children - not only does that make him a coward but it also means he has no real love for them

Asker, take no notice of @Dkc123's answer, do NOT invite your father, not only will it cloud your wedding day with unhappy memories but, as you know deep down, he will ruin this especially important day for you, your man & your mom & siblings

[Dkc123]

@pierre7i what's wrong with you people.. I'm not trying to make a point or be right or wrong or to judge..
Just saying.. it's a big day for her it's her wedding and i feel like she wants her father in her wedding with a condition that he behaves...
Yeah i can understand the consequences but why assume the negative and in my early opinion i said she should invite him if inside she really want to.. Jesus Christ 😒

[pierre7i]

"What is wrong with you people?" !

Just read your original answer/comments again @Dkc123 !!

[Jmmmfi4]

I see no advantage to doing so

[Ackpain]

I wouldn't

[iseekpinetrees]

Nope

[Drumlin2001]

Nope

[Archerer]

Don’t invite him