What are y'all's thoughts on this?

[Prettygurl12]

*This is something I heard on the radio.

A man and a woman are married. They make the decision to start trying to have a baby. They try, unsuccessfully, for years.

The woman goes through fertility treatments and has had 36 negative pregnancy tests.

After 3 years of trying, the husband finally tells the wife that she's been unable to get pregnant because prior to meeting her, he got a vasectomy.

Apparently this little detail never came out and the husband allowed the wife to go through hormone treatments and pregnancy tests knowing that it was highly unlikely she'd conceive.

When he finally told her about the vasectomy, she gave him a choice: he could agree to her getting a doner sperm, reverse the vasectomy, or get divorced.

The radio hosts were divided as to whose side they were on.

On the one hand, some think the wife was being very reasonable in her reaction to the husband's lying and the fact that he allowed her to go through the emotional and financial stress of hormone treatments and all of the needless pregnancy tests.

On the other, some think the wife is being unreasonable by threatening divorce because lying about one's firtility status is not a good enough reason to divorce.

Team Wife

Team Husband

Updates

+1 y

For everyone doubting the validity of the story... fair. I just heard it on the radio that services Windsor, Canada and Detroit, Michigan lol and I was in disbelief too.

[abc3643]

Lying about one's fertility status IS a good enough reason to GET AN ANNULMENT.

In this case, there's marital fraud.

She married him under the assumption that he was fertile and this is a "fundamental matter" in marriage.

If he was infertile and did not know it, that's one thing.
In this case, he deliberately made himself infertile before marrying her (or even meeting her!) and did not inform her of the vasectomy.
That should have been discussed before marriage.
But he didn't.
That's fraud and that's grounds for an annulment.


=============
From Findlaw. com...

supreme.findlaw.com/.../...ssence-of-marriage.html

TITLE: Annulments Based on Fraud: What is the "Essence" of Marriage? Part One in a Two-Part Series of Columns on Traditional and Modern Annulment

By JOANNA L. GROSSMAN
Tuesday, March 2, 2010

"...
As it developed in most states, the "essentials of the marriage" test tended to restrict annulments based on fraud to those cases involving misrepresentations about sex or procreation - those matters that were fundamental to the very definition of marriage. Thus, plaintiffs who alleged that their spouses lied about pregnancy, infertility, impotence, frigidity, venereal disease, or their willingness to have children were more successful in obtaining annulments than those who complained of misrepresentations about wealth, character, alcoholism, or other serious but not, in courts' eyes, fundamental matters.
..."

=============
She should consider getting an immediate annulment. I think I would if I was her because what the fuck else is this guy lying about? He needs to go. Now.

But, she is choosing a more honorable approach.
I laud her having the composure to go that route.

[t-8900]

team WIFE! Are you kidding me? Is this even up for debate? WTF!!! What an absolute garbage person! Dude is TRASH! That poor woman. The fact she even was willing to give him a second chance speaks volumes honestly. She wanted kids from the beginning and he knew! Sure it's a good enough reason! He's been lying to her for years and putting her through hell too! For what? to get his pecker wet? DONT say its love. If you love someone you dont lie to them or prevent them from having their life goals met. Unbelievable!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Team wife💯.. Some think she's not being reasonable, I think she's being too reasonable and giving him choices he doesn't deserve.. Divorce would be the only thing on the table if it was me. To let his wife go through years of emotional pain, disappointment, and all the other consequences of his lie/deceit aren't the actions of a caring, trustworthy, respectable husband...

[TonyMetal___86]

And they say MARRIED, what an a*shole, such people shouldn't be allowed to get married cause they don't even know what a marriage is!

[Aerissa_Jade]

Team wife, this is why I say trust is so important and everything that happened before they got together should of came out before. No secrets, no nothing... regardless of who's business it is.

People will often say what happened before they got together is not the current partners business, but this is a clear cut example of why it is.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Thanks for MHO

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

He knew what he was doing. He put her through anguish and expensive fertility treatments while he’s sitting there knowing that it isn’t her fault, but his… How shitty. Team wife all the way.

[OlderAndWiser]

Some lies to your partner are acceptable? I think not!

[Shortman70]

This is a life changing decision. Something that a husband and wife decide together. If he hadn't known he was infertile, from genetics, an accident or unknown circumstances, that's forgivable. Now, he had a procedure, something you elect to have done. It's not something you'd forget. I've forgotten a lot of things in my life. I find unbelievable that he forgot. Therefore he blatantly lied. She should've divorced him right off, he lied about something that serious, he'll lie about anything putting her through more pain and suffering. I wouldn't be surprised if he did much worse. I hope she finds someone that truly loves her and treats her right.

[WhiteSteve]

I’m pretty firmly Team Wife on this one. Did the guy give a reason for lying about the vasectomy? I feel like having kids is a pre-wedding, and really, pre-engagement conversation. Kinda psycho to lie about that, in my opinion. I’d imagine this caused a great deal of anguish for the woman, not being able to conceive. And bottom-line, if the marriage was at all based upon the intention of having kids together, than she was sold a bill of goods. I guess I’d need to know the reasons why the guy lied, whether it was out of malice or lack of caring, or if he was apprehensive to tell her for some reason. I suppose there could be ore to the story. It as I’m reading it here, that’s not cool, especially since women are on a biological timetable for that stuff. If having kids was a “must” for this woman and this guy just thought he could slide it by her and be like “ahh, bummer, but we tried”, just knowing the whole time…. that’s pretty jacked up.

[MORPHEUS_12]

Kudos to the husband. He didn't want kids and he was hoping she would get over the baby fever. I cannot tell you how many men I have encountered who never wanted kids. They got into a relationship and allowed the wife to pussy whip them into having kids. The kid is born with autism and they end up getting divorced. She only wanted the guy for a kid.

[jspl90]

... so lying is acceptable to get what you want? you are so trash

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

I guess a massive lie for YEARS is kudo worthy? Seriously?

[t-8900]

There are plenty of women out there who don't want it can't have kids he could have chosen. He's garbage. So it's good to be a liar now? A cheat too then? Cuz he certainly cheated her out of her happiness

[ShaTTeredMasterpeace]

Nah because I would probably be in jail lol. I always make it 100% clear that I want children when I'm involved with someone. Can you imagine how she felt? Thinking that it was her fault that they couldn't conceive. Going through all of that and constantly getting a negative result? I would've for sure lost my shit. And I wouldn't even want anything else to do with him. I'd be filing for divorce immediately.

[TonyMetal___86]

Your right and wanting a baby is something normal, what your asking is completely fine...
In a real marriage the couple wants to make a baby from their love and that's wonderful 😊

[ShaTTeredMasterpeace]

@TonyMetal___86 yup!

[Cherry234]

I'm with the wife on this one. It's absolutely unacceptable that her husband lied his fertility. In fact, I think she was being too nice giving him those other options. She should definitely divorce him. No question about that.

[Cherry234]

*lied about

[MysteriousDarkness]

This story has a major flaw and I will tell you what that is. It's called semen analysis. If not done as part of your initial fertility evaluation, your doctor will conduct a semen analysis shortly before the start of an IVF treatment cycle.

It's crucial for men to have their sperm count checked to ensure that it’s safe to have sex without a condom or other form of birth control. After a vasectomy, your semen analysis must show no sperm or only a few residual, non-moving sperm before having unprotected sex. This can take some time after your procedure because sperm can live in the severed vas deferens for months. Your doctor will advise you when it's safe to use the vasectomy for contraception.

Summary
1. After the vasectomy they do sperm tests until the sperm count is zero or the guy has residual sperm that don't move.
2. They do a sperm test before starting IVF.
3. She woikd have known something was going on with her husband before starting IVF.

[WindAtMyBack]

Solidly on team wife.

Even if she didn't go through three years fertility treatment I'd still be on team wife. He should have told her before they ever got married. It's kind of an important thing in a marriage. To think it's something she doesn't need to know is absurd.

[Wraith_Cemetery]

Sometimes you can side with either person when it comes to marriage troubles or relationship troubles in general. But, in this case, it's definitely the wife that is in reason. It was absolutely unsanctimonious and distasteful of the husband to hide his vasectomy from his life-long partner. That is something that should come up within months of dating or prior to marriage.

[loves2learn]

He should not have lied. That was very wrong. I think the options she gave him are perfectly reasonable and she would have given them early on if he had told her. The emotional pain of negative pregnancy tests can be really severe.

[TonyMetal___86]

Miss loves 2 learn, she's giving him a chance that he doesn't deserves, how can she trust him again?

[loves2learn]

Tony Metal, good point. It will be hard to trust again. The ball is in her court.

[TonyMetal___86]

A married couple are one person and there shouldn't be lies at all...

[loves2learn]

I completely agree

[CurlyGirl42]

That it is luckily too crazy to be true, as I saw someone else point out. Unless she just injected herself with hormones without seeing professionals the mans sperm should be tested before a fertility treatment. Surely it would be easy to see if he was as infertile as a vasectomy would result in, and then they would have been advised to get donor sperm.

[BillyBalls]

I would assume the first step of fertility treatment is to figure which partner has the problem.

Therefore, testing the male for a sperm count would be one of the first things done.

Why did this scenario go on for three years?

If it is a true story, the clinic should be sued for malpractice.

[ohshee]

WTF IS WRONG WITH THAT GUY
This is so messed up on so many levels. He tells me that he doesn't even want a child so why is she even with him if you need her go through all that knowing that he wasn't ever going to be able to give her a baby or them a baby that was just piss me off I wish I would get a divorce I would even mess with the guy no more he put her through hell mentally physically emotionally financially

[Video]

Definitely too big of a detail to keep hidden, especially when it comes to something as intimate as sex. I don't know how he didn't come forward with it earlier. The idea that she was still willing to have a kid with him is kinda crazy , but the relationship had been going for a while makes it more understandable. The fact that she gave him an out is nuts and definitely not in the wrong.

[Adam1978]

The story is bs on so many fronts that it must be made up. Otherwise its two really screwed up people involved. A guy that vasectomy don't want kids. So he wouldn't agree to it unless she is forcing the issue. And then he will know that trying will fail. So no harm for him. Everything leans towards her being the one forcing the issue rather than simply breaking up and find a willing father.

[Daniela1982]

The guy was a selfish prick who put her through unnecessary stress. Exactly why would he hide that fact? I would kick his ass to the curb too.

[ChrisMaster69]

She was very reasonable in giving him options.

personally she should have just went straight for the divorce thing.

even if he went for the first two options, you would have to think about how dedicated a parent he would be.

[MCheetah]

I think lying about something like that, especially to your spouse, is extremely rotten and ethnically foul. You're making me side with the awful wife with this one, but I'm going to have to side with the awful wife, on this one. The husband is a total scumbag for hiding the truth after all that, and in all honesty, she should definitely divorce him.

@Prettygurl12 should probably go over there with the badge and gun, and go all "George Floyd" on his ass! 😆

[MCheetah]

*ethically foul

[FR_Ruby]

Why is the wife awful?

[EmmaMary]

If I had been her, it would immediately necessitate in having divorce papers drawn up and issued... Team Wife 100%.

[Agape93]

Team wife all the way. The dude was a massive lying asshole, I'm surprised she didn't leave him then and there.

[TonyMetal___86]

Such people makes the marriage insitution looks sh*tty because they shouldn't be married in the 1st place!

The 1st step towards marriage is being honest with each other and if you can't succeed in the 1st step than there will be no other steps...