What are y'all's thoughts on this?

Question

*This is something I heard on the radio.

A man and a woman are married. They make the decision to start trying to have a baby. They try, unsuccessfully, for years.

The woman goes through fertility treatments and has had 36 negative pregnancy tests.

After 3 years of trying, the husband finally tells the wife that she's been unable to get pregnant because prior to meeting her, he got a vasectomy.

Apparently this little detail never came out and the husband allowed the wife to go through hormone treatments and pregnancy tests knowing that it was highly unlikely she'd conceive.

When he finally told her about the vasectomy, she gave him a choice: he could agree to her getting a doner sperm, reverse the vasectomy, or get divorced.

The radio hosts were divided as to whose side they were on.

On the one hand, some think the wife was being very reasonable in her reaction to the husband's lying and the fact that he allowed her to go through the emotional and financial stress of hormone treatments and all of the needless pregnancy tests.

On the other, some think the wife is being unreasonable by threatening divorce because lying about one's firtility status is not a good enough reason to divorce.

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

Lying about one's fertility status IS a good enough reason to GET AN ANNULMENT.

In this case, there's marital fraud.

She married him under the assumption that he was fertile and this is a "fundamental matter" in marriage.

If he was infertile and did not know it, that's one thing.
In this case, he deliberately made himself infertile before marrying her (or even meeting her!) and did not inform her of the vasectomy.
That should have been discussed before marriage.
But he didn't.
That's fraud and that's grounds for an annulment.

=============
From Findlaw. com...

supreme.findlaw.com/.../...ssence-of-marriage.html

TITLE: Annulments Based on Fraud: What is the "Essence" of Marriage? Part One in a Two-Part Series of Columns on Traditional and Modern Annulment

By JOANNA L. GROSSMAN
Tuesday, March 2, 2010

"...
As it developed in most states, the "essentials of the marriage" test tended to restrict annulments based on fraud to those cases involving misrepresentations about sex or procreation - those matters that were fundamental to the very definition of marriage. Thus, plaintiffs who alleged that their spouses lied about pregnancy, infertility, impotence, frigidity, venereal disease, or their willingness to have children were more successful in obtaining annulments than those who complained of misrepresentations about wealth, character, alcoholism, or other serious but not, in courts' eyes, fundamental matters.
..."

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She should consider getting an immediate annulment. I think I would if I was her because what the fuck else is this guy lying about? He needs to go. Now.

But, she is choosing a more honorable approach.
I laud her having the composure to go that route.

t-8900 · Accepted Answer

team WIFE! Are you kidding me? Is this even up for debate? WTF!!! What an absolute garbage person! Dude is TRASH! That poor woman. The fact she even was willing to give him a second chance speaks volumes honestly. She wanted kids from the beginning and he knew! Sure it's a good enough reason! He's been lying to her for years and putting her through hell too! For what? to get his pecker wet? DONT say its love. If you love someone you dont lie to them or prevent them from having their life goals met. Unbelievable!

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

Team wife💯.. Some think she's not being reasonable, I think she's being too reasonable and giving him choices he doesn't deserve.. Divorce would be the only thing on the table if it was me. To let his wife go through years of emotional pain, disappointment, and all the other consequences of his lie/deceit aren't the actions of a caring, trustworthy, respectable husband...

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

Team wife, this is why I say trust is so important and everything that happened before they got together should of came out before. No secrets, no nothing... regardless of who's business it is.

People will often say what happened before they got together is not the current partners business, but this is a clear cut example of why it is.

WhatTheHeckkkk · Answer

He knew what he was doing. He put her through anguish and expensive fertility treatments while he’s sitting there knowing that it isn’t her fault, but his… How shitty. Team wife all the way.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Some lies to your partner are acceptable? I think not!

Shortman70 · Answer

This is a life changing decision. Something that a husband and wife decide together. If he hadn't known he was infertile, from genetics, an accident or unknown circumstances, that's forgivable. Now, he had a procedure, something you elect to have done. It's not something you'd forget. I've forgotten a lot of things in my life. I find unbelievable that he forgot. Therefore he blatantly lied. She should've divorced him right off, he lied about something that serious, he'll lie about anything putting her through more pain and suffering. I wouldn't be surprised if he did much worse. I hope she finds someone that truly loves her and treats her right.

WhiteSteve · Answer

I’m pretty firmly Team Wife on this one. Did the guy give a reason for lying about the vasectomy? I feel like having kids is a pre-wedding, and really, pre-engagement conversation. Kinda psycho to lie about that, in my opinion. I’d imagine this caused a great deal of anguish for the woman, not being able to conceive. And bottom-line, if the marriage was at all based upon the intention of having kids together, than she was sold a bill of goods. I guess I’d need to know the reasons why the guy lied, whether it was out of malice or lack of caring, or if he was apprehensive to tell her for some reason. I suppose there could be ore to the story. It as I’m reading it here, that’s not cool, especially since women are on a biological timetable for that stuff. If having kids was a “must” for this woman and this guy just thought he could slide it by her and be like “ahh, bummer, but we tried”, just knowing the whole time…. that’s pretty jacked up.

MORPHEUS_12 · Answer

Kudos to the husband. He didn't want kids and he was hoping she would get over the baby fever. I cannot tell you how many men I have encountered who never wanted kids. They got into a relationship and allowed the wife to pussy whip them into having kids. The kid is born with autism and they end up getting divorced. She only wanted the guy for a kid.

ShaTTeredMasterpeace · Answer

Nah because I would probably be in jail lol. I always make it 100% clear that I want children when I'm involved with someone. Can you imagine how she felt? Thinking that it was her fault that they couldn't conceive. Going through all of that and constantly getting a negative result? I would've for sure lost my shit. And I wouldn't even want anything else to do with him. I'd be filing for divorce immediately.

Cherry234 · Answer

I'm with the wife on this one. It's absolutely unacceptable that her husband lied his fertility. In fact, I think she was being too nice giving him those other options. She should definitely divorce him. No question about that.

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

This story has a major flaw and I will tell you what that is. It's called semen analysis. If not done as part of your initial fertility evaluation, your doctor will conduct a semen analysis shortly before the start of an IVF treatment cycle.

It's crucial for men to have their sperm count checked to ensure that it’s safe to have sex without a condom or other form of birth control. After a vasectomy, your semen analysis must show no sperm or only a few residual, non-moving sperm before having unprotected sex. This can take some time after your procedure because sperm can live in the severed vas deferens for months. Your doctor will advise you when it's safe to use the vasectomy for contraception.

Summary
1. After the vasectomy they do sperm tests until the sperm count is zero or the guy has residual sperm that don't move.
2. They do a sperm test before starting IVF.
3. She woikd have known something was going on with her husband before starting IVF.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

Solidly on team wife.

Even if she didn't go through three years fertility treatment I'd still be on team wife. He should have told her before they ever got married. It's kind of an important thing in a marriage. To think it's something she doesn't need to know is absurd.

Wraith_Cemetery · Answer

Sometimes you can side with either person when it comes to marriage troubles or relationship troubles in general. But, in this case, it's definitely the wife that is in reason. It was absolutely unsanctimonious and distasteful of the husband to hide his vasectomy from his life-long partner. That is something that should come up within months of dating or prior to marriage.

loves2learn · Answer

He should not have lied. That was very wrong. I think the options she gave him are perfectly reasonable and she would have given them early on if he had told her. The emotional pain of negative pregnancy tests can be really severe.

CurlyGirl42 · Answer

That it is luckily too crazy to be true, as I saw someone else point out. Unless she just injected herself with hormones without seeing professionals the mans sperm should be tested before a fertility treatment. Surely it would be easy to see if he was as infertile as a vasectomy would result in, and then they would have been advised to get donor sperm.

ohshee · Answer

WTF IS WRONG WITH THAT GUY
This is so messed up on so many levels. He tells me that he doesn't even want a child so why is she even with him if you need her go through all that knowing that he wasn't ever going to be able to give her a baby or them a baby that was just piss me off I wish I would get a divorce I would even mess with the guy no more he put her through hell mentally physically emotionally financially

Video · Answer

Definitely too big of a detail to keep hidden, especially when it comes to something as intimate as sex. I don't know how he didn't come forward with it earlier. The idea that she was still willing to have a kid with him is kinda crazy , but the relationship had been going for a while makes it more understandable. The fact that she gave him an out is nuts and definitely not in the wrong.

Adam1978 · Answer

The story is bs on so many fronts that it must be made up. Otherwise its two really screwed up people involved. A guy that vasectomy don't want kids. So he wouldn't agree to it unless she is forcing the issue. And then he will know that trying will fail. So no harm for him. Everything leans towards her being the one forcing the issue rather than simply breaking up and find a willing father.

Daniela1982 · Answer

The guy was a selfish prick who put her through unnecessary stress. Exactly why would he hide that fact? I would kick his ass to the curb too.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

She was very reasonable in giving him options.

personally she should have just went straight for the divorce thing.

even if he went for the first two options, you would have to think about how dedicated a parent he would be.

MCheetah · Answer

I think lying about something like that, especially to your spouse, is extremely rotten and ethnically foul. You're making me side with the awful wife with this one, but I'm going to have to side with the awful wife, on this one. The husband is a total scumbag for hiding the truth after all that, and in all honesty, she should definitely divorce him.

@Prettygurl12 should probably go over there with the badge and gun, and go all "George Floyd" on his ass! 😆

EmmaMary · Answer

If I had been her, it would immediately necessitate in having divorce papers drawn up and issued... Team Wife 100%.

Agape93 · Answer

Team wife all the way. The dude was a massive lying asshole, I'm surprised she didn't leave him then and there.

Moose304 · Answer

One word describes this. Fraud! I do not advise giving this man a choice. If he can lie to you this easy what else can he lie about going forward? You simply toss this POS to the curb and find a man that can be the real man you deserve!

lovedejj_xo · Answer

Those are nice options But I’d divorce and sue him. Fertility treatments are freaking painful and who wants to go through that knowing your partner was deceitful. Also they’re expensive!

RedStiletto88 · Answer

Absolutely Team Wife. I would have been tempted to throw things at him for lying all that time knowing what I was going through. He would have divorce papers now. Ugh what a horrible man!

InferiorElegy · Answer

Look females find it acceptable to lie about being on the pill or poke holes in condoms just to get pregnant and fuck a guy over for life and a guy doesn't mention he's had a vasectomy and it ruins a moment of her time and you all treat it like the end of the world. Grow the fuck up.
Sure what the guy did was an asshole move but don't fucking act like women and society haven't been doing worse to men since way before this bullshit story.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Team Wife, I support all the way, and the Husband is being deceitful to her
he should come clean and give her what she wants, If not then she should
get a divorce and move on but so sad to put her through all this.

Nik1hil · Answer

Husband is a fucking Assholes...  Put her through Hormones and shit!.. She shouldn't even talk of divorce..  Just go to lawyer get divorce...  And walk away from such a disgusting men!..

yourlocalbookfairy · Answer

Team wife all the way. Three years going through emotional hell just for her husband to tell her he had a vasectomy? Maybe if it was a shorter time, I'd disagree with the divorce threat, but THREE YEARS? Hell nah. Understandable.

Avicenna · Answer

Uh, he's lucky she didn't leave him on the spot and file for divorce. He should be thankful she was willing to give him another chance after such extended lying and deception.

Wade12345 · Answer

The husband is a real jerk. I'm on team wife. She should divorce his ass anyway.

TwinkleLily5 · Answer

She is Right no if, ands or buts about it anyone who says otherwise is delusional.

sensible27 · Answer

Lies are lies.. if she wants a divorce, she could want it without reason. And if they have an option to reverse va... And they are not, that basically seems like an ideological or choice difference

IAMNathanael · Answer

Sounds to me like he could've avoided her lots of unnecessary trouble. That ain't right of him not to say anything about the vasectomy.

hi_it_is_me123 · Answer

I am suprised that she ain't go insane and did not kill him lol. It is ok if you have vasectomy but lying like this should be crime. He literally wasted her youth and her fertility. Tf. I am also suprised that the doctors did not check him.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I'm on Team Wife! 100%! He's an asshole! How could you keep secrets about your fertility from your sexual partner? Not only that, your LIFE partner!

TheBMG · Answer

Having had to go through infertility treatments with my wife, no vasectomy on my end, it was so stressful for her. That guy was an ass. He’ll be sleeping with one eye open hoping he doesn’t wake up with his fella dismembered.

RealMarek · Answer

I would not blame her if she dumped a man who was so senselessly misleading.

AviatorTom · Answer

The wife is being very reasonable. The husband is an a-hole.

weysally · Answer

on this evidence the wife is right, he lied or rather never told her the truth, he has been given a choice its now up to him

JCrockett · Answer

If the wife is wrong about anything, it's that she's being too diplomatic, and probably should have just cut his dick off in his sleep.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

C) Team nobody.  They got themselves into this mess, it's nobody else's business but their own to get them out of it!

ZackBan · Answer

In these kinds of story I always try to see the good in both sides but on this one example I'm gonna say that woman needs a divorce right now

nocturnalbreed · Answer

If you can't speak about major things with your wife then you are not worthy of one.  Your spouse will be the one with you until death you should speak about these type of things.

Surely · Answer

He definitely lied and that would be a hard pill to swallow. My question would be, why did no one request a sperm count on the man? What would the husband have done if she did get pregnant?

Cubus · Answer

It just speaks very bad about the husband. Nothing costs you to tell about it earlier. I believe you should say it at the very beginning, if your wife really wants children (and it seems she did)?

LivingExample · Answer

My understanding is those fertility treatments are Horrible. It was Wrong for him to let her go through that. The fact that she is still Talking to him shows she has a Good Heart!

Andres77 · Answer

What a douche. I'm surprised she just didn't divorce him. She should get a sperm donor and make the husband watch the donor inseminate his wife.

RicFlair312 · Answer

She should deny him sex for 9 months each year of there marriage. because had all the fun trying & she's probably stressed thinking every intercourse session was THE BIG ONE to impregnate her.

boxxie2002 · Answer

What a dick. Absolute waste of money on fertility treatment.

BillyBalls · Answer

Sounds like a bogus story. Isn't part of fertility treatments to check if the male is producing enough sperm to get a woman pregnant?

disgustingweebtrash · Answer

How could anyone be Team Husband? I get people want to try and be objective but he made her look like a retard going through hormone treatments and pregnancy tests.

Hdidkc · Answer

I mean that sounds like an abusive relationship, mentally. You don’t do this to someone you love. She should just get divorced. That’s messed up. She must’ve been through a lot.

MoJoYoYo · Answer

I'm on neither side. The husband should have been honest, and the wife needs to be forgiving.

cth96190 · Answer

The husband is an arsehole. She would have a better life without him.

Hanrej · Answer

I'm with the wife on this one. Lying to have your way is never an option in a healthy relationship.

SuccessfulHornDog · Answer

He is a deceitful asshole. She should move on and not give him any choice

Daphne00 · Answer

I will be gone after they lied to me. That to me is betrayal.

Twalli · Answer

A vascetomy means he can't get someone else pregnant

888theGreat · Answer

that sounds like something a woman would do. I think she should kick him the balls for an hour.

jimmy2 · Answer

He an asswhole letting her ho through knowing he could not get her pregnant. He does not want children

MzAsh · Answer

I’d sue him for wasted time and money.

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